Key in the door syndrome.

[DandelionLady]

Pushing 70. Having some bladder problems. Problem that would have been called in the past "key in the door" syndrome. Have good-ish bladder control, but recently losing that confidence because if I'm bursting for the loo, or in recent times, just standing up from the sofa to go for a wee, I don't have the failsafe control that I once took for granted. I'm in full control until I get into the loo and see the toilet bowl. Of course I'm quite worried about it.
Worried about going out and about because obviously "what if"?

Saw the doctor, and she said it's par for the course of getting older .No treatment required. Also I pushed out a 10lb baby. That's got to hurt!

So I looked on the NHS website, for some help for women with incontinence issues. And I read loads of it, before I got to the bit where the advice differs.
It asks, do you have a penis, or a vagina?

That hit me like a brick. Can't they just say are you a man or a woman?

No. It seems that they really can't. My next door neighbour but one is a GP of 25 years standing, and she says that on a probably bi-weekly basis she has to tie herself in knots in order not to offend

So on a site which deals with (what is almost always a female problem caused by childbirth) post birth incontinence, it asks me if I have a penis.

Well no, I don't. Most men don't have post birth incontinence. And you won't get any penis-havers on this site anyway. . So there's really no need to tiptoe around the subject. My struggle with post birth incontinence has nothing to do at all to do with men. So why ask me, on that site, whether I have a penis or a vagina?

You have all my medical records .I gave birth to a baby which is a small clue. I do not have a penis. It is all in my records dating back to 1960.

Granted I have a deep voice, and whiskers on my chin*
But I am not a man!!

*I don't really have whiskers on my chin. I pluck the buggers out!!
And have always had a deep and modulated voice. For a woman:}

So this thread actually is not about incontinence. It's about "someone said I have a vagina rather than I'm a woman and I'm offended." And I'm so bloody bored of it.
The advice is different for different anatomy, men get incontinence, it is not a women's issue. I cannot for the life of me see the problem.

Same as the bloody whinging over a vibratory the other day "oh its just for mums, how ridiculous"..."oh its for all vulva owners, how ridiculous" its just looking for things to be offended by and you're just as bad as the people you're whinging about.

seems to assume people with prostate problems always have a penis, I believe that's not true for some post-op TW. So they're ballsing it up for the group they're presumably trying to pander to.
Idiotic

Seriously have no clue what you are talking about.

Not something, I imagine, that would pop up on a generalised nhs website.

Gobbled up!? Wtf?!

I agree with pp who suggested @MNHQ could assist the OP by amending the thread title to reflect the actual content of, and AIBU within, this thread.

Perhaps @MNHQ could also, once the title accurately reflects the thread, move it to the specifically created echo-chamber sub board for this type of 'debate'?

In the interests of transparency, I voted YABU on the grounds it's sooooo tedious that there appears to be cabal of obsessed posters intent on regurgitating this mouldy topic again and again under 'different' (entirely transparent) guises. 🙄

So not always. That's why I voted you are being unreasonable. You said yourself that the advice differs

But why does it not ask me if I am a man or a woman?
That's a normal question.

Why does it ask if I have a penis or a vagina?
As if men and women do not exist.
That's pandering to trans ideology Which everybody knows
is frankly ridiculous. I'll likely get banned and reported and excommunicated for speaking outright, I might just as well wave you goodbye now.

I don't care, to be honest. I'm sick of pussyfooting about on here and everywhere else.

I'd ask for a referral to a gynaecological physiotherapist.

I agree that the question is poor, though it's not terrible imo - it's an anatomical question about anatomy.

In the interests of transparency, I voted YABU on the grounds it's sooooo tedious that there appears to be cabal of obsessed posters intent on regurgitating this mouldy topic again and again under 'different' (entirely transparent) guises

Well, get you. This mouldy old topic is fairly new to new posters. We are not to know it's been regurgitated. Over and over. By posters old and new. Perhaps we are all fairly new posters (which I am, and can be confirmed by MNHQ) are just saying the same thing that regular established and sensible posters might have said in the past.

Which must tell you that a lot of people have opinions that differ from yours.
Even when people are fairly new to mumsnet, it doesn't mean they know less than you,. It does not make those posters inferior, just because they were late in the game. Some of us probably know an awful lot more than you do. But the vast majority of those people would not try to intimidate newcomers

Talking down to people is not a good look.

I can emphasis with you about bladder weakness problems, this obviously affects younger women aswell as older women like yourself go

Going forwards get in touch with your Doctor to have appointment with a consultant Doctor,
Also look into having a doctors referral appointment for clinic appointment for.pelvic floor exercises,

.
Also from Argos store, I know you can get Radyr disabled toilet 🔑 key you can purchase there and the council hub place, but you have to provide proof of health disorder to qualify for this,
You have to pay a few pounds for this too,

I am not sure where else you can purchase Radyr disabilities toilet key,

Its a 'RADAR' key. Not Radyr. It stood for Royal Association for Disability and Rehabilitation, one of the three original organisations that set the concept up.

Well, get you. Nothing to say about the 'different' (entirely transparent) guises? No?

Fair enough, I didn't really expect you'd be daft enough to admit outright to spamming the general discussion boards with your particular political propaganda as part of an effort to recruit to your (obviously failing) echo chamber.

You're co-ordination meetings must be a real hoot - are your thread titles decided by committee? The QueenB? Or do you have actual autonomy in that regard?

On any other forum of which I'm a member your/your cabal's behaviour would be addressed and considered spamming (at best) or inappropriate political propaganda at worst.

Fortunately, from what I can observe, your recruitment drive for your echo chamber must be failing badly for you and your cohort to descend to such desperately obvious attempts to create a 'contagion' of threads that are, quite frankly, boring the arse of most sane, rational people who retain their critical thinking capacity whether they are old or new members.

Because how long did it take you to answer such a long, complex and difficult question? Did you have to do some research first....? Maybe dig out some files......? Do some maths calculations....?

OP i just don't see this question giving you more than a second's inconvenience.

Yet it could make a big difference for somebody else.

Why are you this bothered? I think it's a bit selfish to resent having a second's inconvenience for the benefit of someone else. But maybe you're not thinking about it in these terms?

Are you the representative for All Women? Because I've checked and I'm not offended. Oh and I have a vagina too.

Then please stop doing it. 🤦‍♀️

In all honesty, you really don't post like a newbie. I think you're quite adept at manipulating threads - hence your misleading title. Just saying'...

@DandelionLady not read your updates but this struck me: Saw the doctor, and she said it's par for the course of getting older. No treatment required. that’s simply not true. I’m not in my fifties, thirties, but I’ve struggled with incontinence for over 10 years, I went to the GP to be told it was normal and only found out when I got pregnant that it’s not. I’m pregnant again and now under the care of a gynaecologist (uro-gynae). I made a comment about to her about how if I was a lot older I suppose it would just be part of getting older especially because I’ve had a baby etc and she shot me down. She told me incontinence is never normal and having a baby shouldn’t make any long term difference. We’ve discussed options including the possibility of surgery. We’re not living in the 1950s where doctors are all men and “womens problems” are acceptable! Insist on a referral.

YABU for misleading thread title.
Just in case you really do have bladder problems, I found this app really good.
squeezyapp.com

The NHS and equality.
It is extraordinary how an institution that spends so much on it refers to men as Mr and women by their first names. So out of date they haven't yet got their heads around the sex equality act (1974) yet have sold their soul to stonewall and Co.

🤚 I'm a woman and I'm not offended.

You're are being unreasonable for disguising an anti trans post by positioning it as a medical post on continence. And I think the way you describe your friend and colleague is pretty rude and hurtful.

It doesn’t bother me. They are just words, who cares.

Because people like your friend might answer ‘woman’ because that is how they identify and would get incorrect advice. Asking if you have a penis or vagina avoids this (though I guess they should also check if your penis or vagina was created through surgery as I imagine this changes things).

Seriously OP, I’d be more concerned with why you are receiving rubbish medical advice instead of worrying about whether form asks if you have a vagina. No one should be left peeing themselves just because they are getting older and have had a baby. I’d get a second opinion and really push for treatment.

@DandelionLady I know it’s not the point of your post but don’t listen to your GP- you are showing signs of overactive bladder and it’s:
a)not inevitable as you get older
b) treatable
c) liable to get worse if you do nothing

Get thyself to a good pelvic health physio and get sorted out 👍🏻

It's common for GP practices to have an Incontinence Advisor who is usually a specialist nurse. You should insist on being referred to one. Incontinence can be managed and you have not been properly advised. Hope you can get the help you need.

@StarsSand

There is far more at stake than paperwork.

Your gp is wrong about incontinence issues. You don't have to just put up with it at all! Sounds like irritable bladder/ urge incontinence which can be vastly improved by taking one tablet a day. Read up on the NICE guidelines, print them out and go back to your gp.