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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you go to an abroad Wedding?

143 replies

prettyrainbows · 02/02/2023 12:10

DH's niece is looking to get married abroad next year, possibly Greece or Italy.. He isn't particularly close to her, but is quite close to his sister.

I really don't want to use annual leave to attend a wedding.

It will cost a small fortune. AIBU?

OP posts:

elm26 · 02/02/2023 18:43

We went last year to Cyprus to see our friends (still all friends from school) get married and it was one of the best holidays ever. We spent a week celebrating, spending time with each other and friends and have such lovely memories, 100% worth it if you can afford!

MavisFlump · 02/02/2023 18:53

DS got married abroad and it was a fabulous week, lots of their friends came as well as some of the family.
dS and DDIL really planned everything perfectly, a very memorable time.

IslandLife88 · 02/02/2023 19:05

Yes but it's not a given. I have been to two abroad weddings and had an amazing time. I have recently declined an invite to another abroad wedding however because of the expense and too close to annual leave already booked. Bride understood, everyone is a grown up.

Kittycat37uk · 03/02/2023 08:15

2 things would only matter to me in this circumstance:

Depends on who is getting married

Where is the wedding taking place?

If its someone I don't see and stay in contact with every single day then it would be a no and also if it was in a country I didn't want to travel to I wouldn't. I get 1 abroad holiday a year I'm not gonna waste it on a poncy wedding that will probably end in divorce in 5-10 years coz the bride and groom will still be paying off their massive wedding debts all those years later when they could have just had a wedding in the UK for less money but anyway I think weddings are blah and boring nowadays and getting older realising life is too short to force yourself to do something that doesn't interest u.

concertgoer · 03/02/2023 08:16

Are you (& DH) even actually invited yet?
or are you speculating/assuming you will be having heard about their plans?
not narrowing down which country their getting married in yet doesn’t sound like they’ve booed and made a decision!!

ultimately it’s up to you & DH if you are invited. If your DH wants to go to share his sisters big moment, then I think you ought to, if you can afford it.
but only you can gauge if it will cause issues/upset if you don’t.

if your husband goes, you should go too.

C152 · 03/02/2023 08:42

I would and have in the past. But it depends how close I am to the person getting married. Best friend / close family, it would be a definite yes; anyone else, it would depend whether the destination was somewhere I wanted to holiday at that time of year!

BubziOwl · 03/02/2023 09:14

If I could find a way to turn it into a family holiday then I'd go, but otherwise probably not. If I was expected to not bring my children I definitely wouldn't go.

Cornelious2011 · 03/02/2023 09:18

I've been to several abroad weddings (friends) and had one myself. I made a holiday out of the weddings and stayed for a week. I didn't expect people to come to mine but it was lovely that everyone who I wanted there came. If you don't want to go, don't go. Only you know your circumstances.

Puppers · 03/02/2023 09:25

It would entirely depend upon who was getting married, where the wedding was, the cost to travel there, whether children were invited, whether it was outside term time and what other plans requiring annual leave I had that year.

E.g. I wouldn't travel abroad without my children for anybody so an invitation to a child-free wedding abroad, regardless of who was getting married, would be declined.

If it was a very close family member like a sibling or parent and they were including children, I'd pretty much go anywhere (assuming it's safe and not somewhere crazy) as long as we could afford it. I would be willing to sacrifice other plans and take the kids out of school for a few days as long as it didn't interfere with anything very important like exams.

For friends and other relatives, I'd go if it was during school holidays, was affordable to us, was somewhere we actually wanted to go (I wouldn't pay £1000's to fly us all out for a holiday somewhere we didn't actually want to go) and didn't mean we had to sacrifice other holidays that were more important to us.

I think if you're planning a destination wedding then you have to graciously accept that a lot of people won't want to/be able to attend.

ShesThunderstorms · 03/02/2023 09:26

I think I would, we'd probably make a family holiday out of it, could go for a week or so and just take the one day out for the wedding. If it was within our normal family holiday budget I can't see why not.

MILLYmo0se · 03/02/2023 11:56

Generally i dont go to weddings of DPs extended family/friends nor he mine, dont see the point. Expense we cant afford and i/he wont know anyone and childcare too complicated. If your partner wants to go away with him but you ll obviously resent the lost AL and expense so dont go

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 03/02/2023 11:59

I didn’t go when my sibling got married and do not regret it one bit.

They only ended up being married 11 months and the wedding cost them just short of 40k.

Crazy.

sicklycolleague · 03/02/2023 12:32

Really depends. Going to a wedding in south of France this summer and it's in August so I'm just making that my main sunny break, but I was very tempted to not go to a destination wedding in South Africa (love the couple but neither are from there and it is FAR). I was beyond relieved when they said they were having the wedding in London

NowThatIThink · 03/02/2023 12:38

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 03/02/2023 11:59

I didn’t go when my sibling got married and do not regret it one bit.

They only ended up being married 11 months and the wedding cost them just short of 40k.

Crazy.

That's pretty mean-spirited. I mean, it's not compulsory to like your siblings, or to attend their or anyone else's weddings, whether they happen 100 yards down the road or in Tahiti, but it's not as though you personally were being required to pay the £40,000.

And as well as a maximum allowable budget, are we really setting a minimum term for marriages to be required to last before we deem it worthwhile to attend the wedding? Do we get psychic abilities to allow us to gauge this?

1HappyTraveller · 03/02/2023 12:42

All weddings cost money to attend. You don’t even know how much this will be yet as you don’t know the date, location or arrangements and therefore how much (if ANY?!) AL you will need to use - I’ve attended weddings abroad where people flew out for the weekend and it was no more expensive than attending a UK wedding.

YABU to say ‘no’ without even knowing the details.

If roles were reversed would you expect your DH to go if it was a wedding on your side of the family? If so then YADBU

secretllama · 03/02/2023 12:48

Depends on money, time and who it was.

Been to one in Spain and it was fab. Dinner and dancing outside in the nice warm evening temps was bliss. Made a holiday of it and done our own thing on the other days, or also spending time with our other friends who were out there.

But this is MN and many people here hate weddings , and being invited to one abroad is an affront 🤣

saltinesandcoffeecups · 03/02/2023 12:49

I think of destination weddings as vacations with a purpose. If it’s somewhere I want to go I go…if it’s somewhere I don’t want to go then I don’t.

SleeplessInEngland · 03/02/2023 12:51

Would you go to these countries otherwise and can you turn it into a nice holiday outside of the wedding? If 'no' then no, don't go.

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