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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to an abroad Wedding?

143 replies

prettyrainbows · 02/02/2023 12:10

DH's niece is looking to get married abroad next year, possibly Greece or Italy.. He isn't particularly close to her, but is quite close to his sister.

I really don't want to use annual leave to attend a wedding.

It will cost a small fortune. AIBU?

OP posts:
Galadriel90 · 02/02/2023 12:59

Yes once in Switzerland. Was fabulous. Wedding of a good friend. I love weddings and I love travel though so win win in my book!

Krakenes · 02/02/2023 12:59

If you can afford to and want to I would go. If you don’t want to go don’t. Maybe your husband could go on his own? I’d would go, especially if Italian wedding - so much amazing food!!

GreaterStickle · 02/02/2023 13:00

Absolutely not. I’m not wasting my time off in a destination I haven’t chosen.

SageRosemary · 02/02/2023 13:03

We declined a couple of weddings abroad when our children were small and not invited. Our situation is different now and it would all depend on the destination, the cost and the season. I'd have no problem declining. If my DC ever get married, I would hate the wedding to be abroad. I know DH's niece's mother and father would be apoplectic at the idea of an overseas wedding! Somewhat different situation if one half of the couple is from the actual overseas destination.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 02/02/2023 13:03

GreaterStickle · 02/02/2023 13:00

Absolutely not. I’m not wasting my time off in a destination I haven’t chosen.

What if it were in a destination you fancied? Would you not combine the wedding with a holiday?

Namechangenoidea · 02/02/2023 13:04

I love abroad weddings. The feeling of being on holiday makes it extra and I always have the best time. It sounds like you dont see it that way though so no dont go.

HiddenGiraffes · 02/02/2023 13:08

We're going to two this summer, which is a financial stretch but we are making them two summer holidays and staying a week each time. In the past I've declined when it hadn't been practical or affordable, especially long haul.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 02/02/2023 13:10

No. We can't afford it, I hate flying and I don't think DS would cope (if he were invited) and I wouldn't leave the country and leave him with someone else in case he had a meltdown. I can feel my anxiety rising just thinking about the possibility.

maras3 · 02/02/2023 13:10

No.

Smartiepants79 · 02/02/2023 13:10

If we could afford it.
If it was people that really mattered to me.
If it was at all possible and we had the money then yes, I would go. I love weddings.
If it was outside school holidays though it would be impossible.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/02/2023 13:11

If it was someone I was close to (I am very close to my nieces) and I could afford it, hell yes!

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 02/02/2023 13:13

I would if it was a sibling I was close to. Mainly on the basie that I would wrap it into a nice holiday. I'd probably go a week before.
I'd do it too if it was dhs family and he wanted to go. He would do that for me/my family. Its kinda what you do in a relationship.

Hadjab · 02/02/2023 13:19

I've been to several weddings abroad - America, Portugal, Sierra Leone, Jamaica and Philippines - and all of them were fabulous, fun events with family and friends, but if you don't want to go, then don't.

beachcitygirl · 02/02/2023 13:22

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 02/02/2023 12:18

It would depend who was getting married, where and why.

My DN is dating an Italian girl with a massive family. Totally expect that if they get hitched it'll be in Italy. I would go.

One of DH's nieces is getting married on a Carribean island neither she nor her partner have ever been to, in the hottest and most expensive part of the year. We're not going.

This 🙌🏻 I know it's not hugely helpful but it depends.

I went to a wedding of ex niece in Shetland because the bride wanted her papa to attend & he was in a nursing home there. Lovely girl. Knew the value of people.

Point blank no when my niece started talking about a 'destination' wedding in a place she nor fiancé had ever been.

MargaritaRita · 02/02/2023 13:24

I had one friend who was getting married in..... Hawaii. Not lying and she was quite miffed when 90% of her expected guests (in her list of invites) declined. What a joke and so presumptious.

Anyway, my feeling on abroad weddings is that they should be for immediate family only. Otherwise what is the reason for not having the wedding at home close to all friends and other invitees?

I personally haven't been to one abroad, and would only go if it was a very close family member. But they have lots of sense and would either just go off and do it quietly, or have a mega shindig at home.

As for combining a wedding with a holiday, it sounds fine but even if the destination was somewhere I was interested in, far too much time and money would be taken up with the preparation, venue, ceremony, etc. Plus the fact that I might constantly bump into other guests if staying on. Nope.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/02/2023 13:24

From the other side of the coin, I had an abroad wedding. We made it clear that people were welcome if they fancied a holiday in the area, but if they didnt then that was absolutely fine and we would be ok if it was just the two of us. So that's the attitude I'd take to someone elses wedding abroad. I think over the years we have accepted an invitation to one and declined one or two others that were a massive pain in the ass to get to

JellyfishandShells · 02/02/2023 13:27

If there was a connection between either of the pair getting married and the location, yes.

If it is just ‘ we fancied this picturesque place ‘ then maybe - would depend hugely on my relationship to and with the bridal party , the where and what the general plans were. It’s often more fun to have a reason for going somewhere, as well as just travelling curiosity.

naturalchiller · 02/02/2023 13:27

I would if I could afford it and could combine with a holiday I wanted to go on.
Otherwise nope!

inky1991 · 02/02/2023 13:27

I got married in Greece, and because of this expected a small wedding.

We obviously invited everyone we would have, as if it was in England, but told people there was no obligation as completely understand it's a big expense.

We actually had most people attend (about 75) which we were thrilled about - however we did give everyone a year and a half notice.

People that get married abroad generally expect a smaller wedding, and shouldn't be offended if lots can't attend due to financial reasons. I'm sure there'll be the odd Bridezilla who contradicts this though.

xogossipgirlxo · 02/02/2023 13:27

In 99.99% of the cases, no. Unless it would be my sister, or my husband's brother. It's way too expensive for me right now, especially that weddings are in the most pricey time of the year for flight tickets, hotels etc. If I had more money, possibly. Having all my family with me on my wedding day was exactly the reason why I got married locally.

IhearyouClemFandango · 02/02/2023 13:36

If I could afford it time and money wise then yes, why not.

In this instance perhaps your husband goes alone if you don’t want to?

Lavenderflower · 02/02/2023 13:43

It would depends on who wedding it was - I would make a holiday out of it.

babyjellyfish · 02/02/2023 13:46

It's an invitation, not a summons. I would go if I wanted to and could afford it, and not if i didn’t.

I had an "abroad wedding" (in France, not Maui), but it wasn't a destination wedding, it was where we live. All my aunts and uncles and most of my cousins came. In fact, nearly everyone we invited came.

WeWereInParis · 02/02/2023 13:49

Taking into account cost and annual leave, I probably wouldn't. Even if I could afford it and had the leave available, it's not how I would choose to spend it.

amusedbush · 02/02/2023 13:49

Probably not, and I say that as someone who got married abroad Grin for context, DH and I went off on holiday with the intention of getting married while we were there, our families all knew and nobody was invited.

DH's annual leave is very inflexible so we basically get 2 weeks - occasionally 3 weeks - off together per year and, to be blunt, I'd rather not use that time (and a decent chunk of cash) on a holiday chosen by someone else.

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