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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to an abroad Wedding?

143 replies

prettyrainbows · 02/02/2023 12:10

DH's niece is looking to get married abroad next year, possibly Greece or Italy.. He isn't particularly close to her, but is quite close to his sister.

I really don't want to use annual leave to attend a wedding.

It will cost a small fortune. AIBU?

OP posts:
mumto2teenagers · 02/02/2023 12:33

I love weddings and holidays so would go and combine the 2.

MarchingBand · 02/02/2023 12:33

Yes, I would. I love to travel so would tack some days on and make a holiday out of it.

TheGoogleMum · 02/02/2023 12:34

Depends. How close I am to couple, is it a holiday destination I want to visit, what's my financial situation and can we afford it.
Currently no can't afford it.
If I could afford it Greece is somewhere I'd be willing to visit, I had a friend who was planning to get married in South Africa and I had some concerns about that (rough part of South Africa, no direct flights)

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/02/2023 12:35

We went to DH's cousin's wedding in Italy, the bride was Italian. The actual wedding day was lovely, but there were endless expensive restaurant meals that we had to attend and hadn't been told about or budgeted for, and I was never allowed to sit next to DH. I had to sit next to his old uncles and make all the conversational running. They were both loud and seemingly deaf, eg talking loudly through a live music performance, it was hard work. I thought we'd get some time off and a bit of a holiday but it wasn't on "the schedule" I wouldn't be keen to repeat the experience.

FrenchandSaunders · 02/02/2023 12:35

If I could afford it I would and turn it into a holiday as well. Esp Europe, I doubt I’d go long haul for a wedding though.

Floralnomad · 02/02/2023 12:36

Only if it was my own child . If your husband wants to go he can always go on his own .

ithoughtisawapuddycat · 02/02/2023 12:37

Only been invited to one abroad and we went as it was my cousin.

The whole family went (we had 3 villas for us all) and it was one of the best holidays we've ever had. Despite it being in a very hot country and we hate hot weather, it was so relaxed (we had a villa with a pool) and so much fun. We still all talk about it 14 years later.

Sprig1 · 02/02/2023 12:37

No, never. I want to choose what to spend my money on and where to spend my holidays. I think people who have weddings abroad and put any pressure at all on guests to attend are selfish.

MavisMcMinty · 02/02/2023 12:37

I couldn’t afford to go to an abroad wedding, particularly if my OH came too, as we’d have to pay for kennels and catteries for our animals. I suspect people who get married abroad do it deliberately, to keep the guest list small, or to make sure everyone there really wants to be there.

Deathbyfluffy · 02/02/2023 12:39

Just don't go if you can't afford it - when planning a wedding abroad, it's normal that quite a lot of people won't be able to make it.

ShittyPeasantsFromHampshire · 02/02/2023 12:39

It would depend on a few things:

-how close I was to the bride and/or groom
-how much annual leave it would take up
-how far flung the destination would be
-finances and whether I could easily afford it

I wouldn't be a definite yes or no.

JorisBonson · 02/02/2023 12:42

BIL got married in Italy last year. We made a holiday out of it. Very unpopular opinion on MN, but I like a destination wedding.

Sceptre86 · 02/02/2023 12:43

If you don't want to use your annual leave don't go. Why does that affect your dh? Assuming you aren't joined at the hip he can decide to go should he wish. If there is childcare issues or similar then it's worth having a discussion.

RampantIvy · 02/02/2023 12:44

Why do you hate weddings so much @Tiredforfive45?

I don't think I have ever been to a "horrible" wedding.

Mind you, the last wedding we went to was 13 years ago. None of the weddings I have attended have been hosted by self absorbed bride/groomzillas, nor have we had to waste time standing around while photos were being taken. They have all been informal and friendly affairs.

Our families are scattered so I really like an excuse to get together with family.
All of our friends are already married, and at our ancient age we tend to go to more funerals than weddings these days Sad

Tootlingalong · 02/02/2023 12:45

I got married abroad, the only people who came were close friends, siblings and parents. One of my sisters couldn't even make it. I wasn't in the least bit upset by anybody who couldn't go. There should never be any expectation on anybody to commit so much time and money to your wedding. Go if you want to but I certainly wouldn't feel obliged to go.

mummabubs · 02/02/2023 12:48

I went to a friend's wedding abroad when I was in my 20s (before DH and children!) I treated it as a week long holiday with a wedding in the middle and really enjoyed it. I think if you think it's a place you'd like to go to anyway then book it as a holiday, if not then don't go 😊

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/02/2023 12:50

Yes and i have. Always just turn it into our family summer holiday, so normally do 10 days, a few before and a few after the wedding. Means lots of people to see, lota of other kids etc.

But we never go on holiday just 'us 4', always go with other friends or family

gingercat02 · 02/02/2023 12:51

Did for my cousin (Amalfi coast) not for a work colleague (Cyprus)

RampantIvy · 02/02/2023 12:51

I would if it was close family because we can afford the time and the money, and DD is an adult, so no childcare issues.

chupachump · 02/02/2023 12:52

Probably. Depends on who it was, where it was and if I could make it a holiday.

Surely, most people are going to answer that it depends. Apart from those who hate weddings or just hate destination weddings.

SwedishEdith · 02/02/2023 12:54

I'd go if it was somewhere I wanted to go to and could make it into a holiday. The destination weddings I've been invited to have often been in term time though, so not possible. Or, somewhere I just didn't fancy spending going to in early July.

Apairofsparklingeyes · 02/02/2023 12:54

If the wedding is at the height of the Summer in Greece or Italy it would be an easy no from me, as it would be far too hot for me and my family!

Tallulasdancingshoes · 02/02/2023 12:56

Probably not, dh and I both work term time and can’t be off school. School holidays would be too expensive for all 4 of us to go and it would probably mean missing our summer holiday to afford it. Also, I’m not a huge fan of weddings. So definitely wouldn’t compromise a family holiday for one.

RaiseTheStakesAndMakeTheLastWordDuckhead · 02/02/2023 12:56

Yep. I have done this twice and made a holiday out of it. Equally, I have declined weddings abroad when I haven't had cash and haven't felt bad about it.

Wexone · 02/02/2023 12:57

I have been to one. I could afford it and it was a close relative of my husbands family. It was expensive( but i could afford it). We were the only ones of his family who went. A good few of her family went and there was a good few friends. It was a three day event but we didn't pay for the food provided. We combined it with a holiday and saw places we would never have gone to if it hadn't been for the wedding. I had the best time ever, wedding was like out of the movies. We still talk about it 5 years later. When it came to my own wedding however i decided not to have it abroad, not about cost but because alot of my family are older and wouldn't be bale for the travel, i wanted them to be there/. For the one we went to i think there was about 80 people at it, that is a lot i think for abroad wedding, they had a big party when home too for people who couldn't come. They understood and weren't affected by people saying no, however they gave well over a years notice of it, so we could save etc . A friend of mine was umming and awing over her husband nieces wedding last year in Spain, she ended up going, said it was one of the best weddings she went too and saw so many people she hadn't seen in years, was expensive but she didn't regret it. A colleague just back from his brothers wedding in Spain and said the same. If you get a wedding invite regardless if its abroad or at home - you dont have to go if you don't want to. People are not selfish for wanting an abroad wedding either. Politely decline and wish them all the best