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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to an abroad Wedding?

143 replies

prettyrainbows · 02/02/2023 12:10

DH's niece is looking to get married abroad next year, possibly Greece or Italy.. He isn't particularly close to her, but is quite close to his sister.

I really don't want to use annual leave to attend a wedding.

It will cost a small fortune. AIBU?

OP posts:
Tangerinie · 02/02/2023 13:51

I've been to one with dc1 and DH when dc1 was quite tiny. I didn't enjoy it at all and we did make it a short trip to avoid using up A/L. It wasn't a couple we were super close to either and it was in Italy during a heatwave. We were constantly worrying about DC in the sun. She didn't sleep well and was grumpy as a result.

That experience has put me off now and I wouldn't go to another one. Or if I did, I'd leave kids at home and make it a really short trip. But that's so wasteful in terms of mileage travelled for a short trip. I'm just not a fan of destination weddings tbh. Different if the family is from there, but even then I wouldn't be champing at the bit to go!

Two close friends said they'd always wanted a destination wedding and they're still single, so I may end up going to another at some point

Prettypaisleyslippers · 02/02/2023 13:53

I would try to go yes, Presumably most of your DH’s family will be there, so a family break. I might consider staying with family for a bit but also booking to stay somewhere else for a few days with my DH

LeilaGetTheHose · 02/02/2023 13:53

Yes, they tend to be a lot more fun than any English wedding I've ever been to and I treat it as a holiday too.

Although depends entirely on the location and who is getting married. An all inclusive family hotel in Lanzarote? Probably not. A cool beach venue in Ibiza where I get to pick my own accommodation? Sign me up.

QueSyrahSyrah · 02/02/2023 13:57

Depends completely on the circumstances, where, when, who and why. I've been to 3 weddings abroad; 2 of which were in the home country of one of the bridal couple and one was basically picked out of a hat because they liked the idea getting married somewhere fancy.

Guess which one of the three I grew to resent the time off and money for? Wink

Cosyblankets · 02/02/2023 13:59

We got married abroad. There was no obligation and we would not have been offended if someone didn't come. It wasn't in one of those hotels where everyone had to stay there or you have to pay extra. I hate that idea. Everyone stayed in accommodation that suited their budget and their idea of a holiday in terms of hotel or self catering so no one was forced to spend time with others if they didn't want to. They didn't all arrive and leave on the same day.
If you want to go and you can afford it then go. Otherwise no. My friend's daughter got married abroad. I was invited but couldn't attend. She didn't take it personally

GelPens1 · 02/02/2023 14:05

I would only attend if it was one of my siblings’ getting married. Otherwise, no. I’d rather use the money to pay for a holiday of my choosing.

housemaus · 02/02/2023 14:10

If some/all of these were true:

  • It was someone VERY close to me (basically my sister or either of my parents)
  • I could actually afford it - no scrimping and saving
  • I didn't have other holiday plans that year I'd need to sack off in favour of the wedding
  • It was someone I wanted to go or at the very least didn't mind going - if it was a destination I had no interest it/actively didn't want to go like Florida, I wouldn't
  • I could choose my own accommodation

So if it was 'just' a friend but it was somewhere I really wanted to go, I could afford it, and I didn't have other holiday plans, sure. If it was my best friend but it was in Dubai, was going to cost thousands and we all had to stay in the same villa, no.

LindorDoubleChoc · 02/02/2023 14:14

Yes, for either of my children. Possibly not for anyone else unless they happened to be getting married at a place I really wanted to visit at a time of year I wanted to visit.

DNBU · 02/02/2023 14:16

I’ve been to weddings in Canada, India, America, Portugal and Mexico. Some friends and some family. In fairness, the people getting married were either from those countries (so most of their families were there) or it was their spouse’s home country.
I made a holiday of it and if I didn’t want to go I wouldn’t and wouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Disneyforaweek · 02/02/2023 14:17

stargirl1701 · 02/02/2023 12:21

I was happy to when I wasn't a parent. A great excuse for a party and a short holiday!

Now, as a parent, it's too much hassle.

Once the DC are adults, I'll be happy to go again.

These are my thoughts too.

If I wasn't in this stage of life, then yes. In the next few years, nope.

gogohmm · 02/02/2023 14:18

Greece or Italy, probably, it's not expensive typically, I've been to weddings in both countries. You make it into a holiday

Not being able to afford it, fair enough, not wanting to use annual leave seems a bit mean

Sagittarius25 · 02/02/2023 14:22

I got married abroad and as a few others have said, knew that when we decided on that not everyone would be able to afford/want to travel abroad to our wedding, and we were ok with that. However, a lot of people took the opportunity to make a holiday out of it, and also have some of that holiday with other family members (who came to the wedding) that they wouldn't usually go on holiday with.

MaverickGooseGoose · 02/02/2023 14:28

Depends on the relationship, how much, could you turn it into a holiday but my initial reaction would be no. He can use his leave and go if he wants.

Nevermind31 · 02/02/2023 14:31

Foreign wedding of a friend who lives abroad? Absolutely. Foreign weddings are interesting and exciting.
someone who lives down the road? Probably not.

Crumpleton · 02/02/2023 14:33

Personally no and I didn't when my nephew got married abroad.

Equally just because the Bride/Groom have decided that they want to go to the expense of getting married abroad they shouldn't think it's a given that everyone invited will want to/can afford to go.

RandomUsernameHere · 02/02/2023 14:38

I would combine it with a holiday if possible, if it was somewhere I wanted to go

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/02/2023 14:42

No, it's an immediate decline for me. I can't afford it and I'm not prepared to go into debt for something like that either.

Lcb123 · 02/02/2023 14:44

Probably would as I love weddings and holidays. But depend on whose wedding / where / cost / my situation at the time.

Scottishskifun · 02/02/2023 14:46

I love an abroad wedding but we always make a holiday out of it usually arriving before and staying a few days after but doing our own thing.

Try costing it up separately so air bnb nearby, separate flights and a hire car (very cheap in Greece usually!)

Hidingawaytoday · 02/02/2023 14:54

mumto2teenagers · 02/02/2023 12:33

I love weddings and holidays so would go and combine the 2.

Basically this.

I love my friends and family and would want to celebrate with them. I also love holidays. So yes, my default is that I/we would go.

BettyBoo123456 · 02/02/2023 14:59

No I wouldn’t go. These destination weddings are cheaper for the happy couple but move the cost onto guests many of whom often feel brow beaten to stump up the costs and go regardless whether this means missing out on a family holiday or people getting themselves into debt rather than saying no.

Tellmeimcrazy · 02/02/2023 15:01

I was recently invited to a family member's wedding (think cousin as opposed to niece). I declined. I want to use time off and money for somewhere I really want to go. My siblings are going and so are my parents, but the location is more convenient for them.

TenoringBehind · 02/02/2023 15:13

No. I’ve not been invited to many but I always politely decline as soon as I get the invitation. We could stretch to afford it, but I’d rather use the money for something else and I always find that the timing is inconvenient for our family holiday .

NowThatIThink · 02/02/2023 15:20

QueSyrahSyrah · 02/02/2023 13:57

Depends completely on the circumstances, where, when, who and why. I've been to 3 weddings abroad; 2 of which were in the home country of one of the bridal couple and one was basically picked out of a hat because they liked the idea getting married somewhere fancy.

Guess which one of the three I grew to resent the time off and money for? Wink

This same point keeps coming up (that it's somehow far more acceptable to marry abroad if one of the couple is from there), but it makes zero sense. Go to the wedding if you want to go, and can afford the time and money involved without skimping elsewhere. Whether the bride and groom have close ties to the place or whether they just fancied getting married abroad makes not one jot of difference to your actual experience being a guest at their wedding, all other things being equal.

If the idea that they just fancied getting married in another country really grinds your gears to that extent, that's on you, and I'd imagine you're the kind of person continually on the lookout for slights, and who has their eyes out on stalks when someone is cutting up a cake in case someone else gets a bigger slice than you.

TheFretfulPorpentine · 02/02/2023 15:22

I'd go if I really liked the couple, could afford it and the destination appealed to me (most places are worth a visit in my view) but would not go if any of those elements were missing.

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