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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to an abroad Wedding?

143 replies

prettyrainbows · 02/02/2023 12:10

DH's niece is looking to get married abroad next year, possibly Greece or Italy.. He isn't particularly close to her, but is quite close to his sister.

I really don't want to use annual leave to attend a wedding.

It will cost a small fortune. AIBU?

OP posts:
afinethingindeed · 02/02/2023 15:25

I would but only if I could afford it.
I think it's ok to say no!

DilemmaDelilah · 02/02/2023 15:27

My stepdaughter chose to get married abroad and not even somewhere relatively cheap to get to. We couldn't afford to go, and it was very disappointing for us both but particularly for her dad. We would have gone if we could have afforded it, but we wouldn't go for someone who wasn't one of our children. If we could afford that kind of expensive holiday we would like to choose where and when to go and what we want to spend.

Bayleaf25 · 02/02/2023 15:30

It would totally depend on whether I could afford it, who it was and if I wanted to go so no right or wrong answer. Would be great to combine holiday with family celebration if we could.

Insideallday · 02/02/2023 15:33

Yes I’d go. Any excuse to go abroad

Insideallday · 02/02/2023 15:34

Italy is doable. I’d say no to a long haul or very expensive spot.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 02/02/2023 15:36

For me it depends, how much notice, the location, whether we are all invited and how much I like them.

We are going to two in the next 2 years. Turkey somewhere I've always wanted to visit, the wedding is being held in the groom's village and is very much a family affair where all children are invited. We're adding a few days on to either end to do some touristy stuff. The other is in Canada, the wedding of dh's cousin and again very much a family affair. As most of his extended family live there and we did a three month trip years ago, we're looking forwards to showing the kids some of the places we loved. Again, we're treating it as a proper holiday with a wedding party thrown in.

TeenDivided · 02/02/2023 15:38

I could afford it, but I wouldn't unless it was a place I wanted to go to or it was the wedding of one of my DC. It's not just affordability, it is value for time/money too.

blackpinkinyourarea · 02/02/2023 15:38

Nope

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/02/2023 15:52

It depends. Can I afford it? Is it at a time I can go? Can we extend stay to become a family holiday? How close am I/ my DH to the person getting married.

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/02/2023 15:53

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 02/02/2023 15:36

For me it depends, how much notice, the location, whether we are all invited and how much I like them.

We are going to two in the next 2 years. Turkey somewhere I've always wanted to visit, the wedding is being held in the groom's village and is very much a family affair where all children are invited. We're adding a few days on to either end to do some touristy stuff. The other is in Canada, the wedding of dh's cousin and again very much a family affair. As most of his extended family live there and we did a three month trip years ago, we're looking forwards to showing the kids some of the places we loved. Again, we're treating it as a proper holiday with a wedding party thrown in.

This makes sense! I wouldn't go abroad for a child free wedding now I have little ones

CombatBarbie · 02/02/2023 15:57

Yup and would do again, we had a 2 week holiday in Mexico and the wedding was mid way.

QueSyrahSyrah · 02/02/2023 16:06

@NowThatIThink GrinGrin Yeah alright mate Grin

For what it's worth I happily accepted the invites, booked time off and paid to travel to attend all 3; the resentment set in when the 'a holiday and a wedding' we'd been invited to became 'sitting in the villa they'd chosen making wedding favours for 3 days' and really took hold when the Bride was overheard bitching about how little cash some people had given them as gifts, after paying over a grand each to be there with them on the day.

Funnily enough neither of the weddings that were 'at home' for the couple came with the same demands for assistance or gifts. Maybe just a coincidence though.

Ps.. I don't like cake Cake

AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 02/02/2023 16:07

For me it's not as simple as a blanket yes/no.

  • It would depend on how close I am to the person, eg best friend vs less close friend
  • Where the wedding is (I would ask myself 3 questions, 1) can I afford it, 2) is it somewhere I want to go?, 3) is it convincent to go? (Dog sitters, childcare, health, annual leave availability, etc))
  • The reasoning for the wedding being abroad. I have friends and family either from another country or dating someone who is. I would be more likely to go if it was one of their home countries than just because they fancy a wedding abroad

Either way though my main feeling would be that whatever I decided, and for whatever reason, I wouldn't feel guilty about not going. When someone plans a wedding and invites someone from a country different to where the wedding is being held, there shouldn't be any expectation on dependence, even if you are really close

Oopswediditagain2023 · 02/02/2023 16:11

Mmmm depends where it is. My cousin is getting married in Australia and that's just a bit far to travel en masse with my family, plus with the cost probably only I would go and I wouldn't fancy spending all that money and holiday time on my own - I'd rather put it towards a family holiday.

My other cousin was getting married in the Mediterranean (booked for during covid, so wedding happened in UK in the end) and that would have been more manageable for us. Cheaper to get to and we'd have extended our time there and made it into a proper holiday.

Activelyannoyed · 02/02/2023 16:13

Absolutely I would. Sounds fab. And I’d extend my stay a couple of days.

you don’t want to. So I’m unsure what the point of asking is. Some folks will some folks won’t.

Hayliebells · 02/02/2023 16:17

I have, but only because it was a country I really wanted to visit anyway (Canada). Me and my Oh travelled around for 3 weeks and saw loads of the country, plus Alaska. It was a once in a lifetime, amazing adventure, but this was pre-kids. I wouldn’t do it unless it was in-budget, and it’s somewhere I would do for a holiday anyway.

Activelyannoyed · 02/02/2023 16:17

Your husband can go alone though, you don’t need to go. You can work and of course if he goes it costs less than if you tag along resentfully too. Plus it’s his family

he can go and have a little holiday and attend the wedding .

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 02/02/2023 16:18

No, not unfair. It's the risk you take having a wedding abroad because it does inconvenience people....

Activelyannoyed · 02/02/2023 16:19

I think you become unreasonable if you try to force your husband not to go.

but saying you won’t is fine.

nca89 · 02/02/2023 16:19

For my nieces and nephews I would yes. I'd make a holiday out of it.

blubberyboo · 02/02/2023 16:22

Best wedding I ever went to was in Cyprus. Made it into a weeks holidays and we did our own thing as much as possible to give the bride and groom time before and after.

I know you don’t want to use your annual leave but why not just have a holiday if your DH is using his annual leave anyway to go to the wedding and so he might not be able to get off same time as you later in the year

latetothefisting · 02/02/2023 16:24

Too many variables. I would if I wanted to go and it was an easy enough trip and affordable, wouldn't if it wasn't. I don't think it's demanding or rude for people to invite their family -presumably the family members would also be offended if they weren't asked!
Of all the abroad destinations italy/Greece are probably some of the easiest to get to from the UK so it's not even a particularly huge ask -depending on where you/the wedding is it could be easier to get to than a wedding in some areas of this country!

Really don't get the comments about "wasting" annual leave - surely going on holiday is exactly what annual leave can be used for!

DietCroak · 02/02/2023 16:26

I'd definitely go, but that's based on my niece, my budget, my interest in going to Greece/Italy etc etc. There's no obligation to go.

zingally · 02/02/2023 16:39

My best friend deliberately chose to have an abroad wedding just so that all the aunts/uncles/cousins/etc WOULDN'T attend!

I went, but honestly, there are very few people in this world that I would do that for. And personally, I think that's the whole point of choosing an abroad wedding... So that only the very nearest and dearest attend.

Tinkerbyebye · 02/02/2023 16:59

A family member is looking to get married abroad in 2024. I won’t be going