Neighbour outraged I ignored the door

[Scrumbler]

For context I've lived in my home for 6 years, I have a baby and we get on with our neighbours very well usually.

Yesterday someone banged on the door a few times and I ignored it. I never answer my front door because everyone who I'm expecting use the side door. We get a lot of cold callers and religious people who knock alot so I will never answer it.
Today I see my neighbour and his son has a bandage on and I asked what happened, he'd had an accident yesterday in the street, my neighbour said his wife knocked on my door at the time for me to call an ambulance because she's panicked and left her phone in her house so I said I'd heard the knocking but didn't know what it was.
He looked at me completely gone out and then asked me why I'd ignored her. I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered. But he told me I was selfish and slammed his door as he went in.
I carried on taking my shopping out of the car and then his wife comes out asking if I'd ignored her! I told her I don't answer that door and didn't know it was an emergency but she just went mad shouting how horrible that was and asked what kind of person doesn't answer there door.

I know their probably still shook up but I didn't know what had happened.
To clarify, their child seems fine from what the dad told me before he found out I'd ignored the door and turned out to be a very minor injury. I feel awful it happened but I didn't ignore them on purpose knowing they were needing an ambulance so I think they've been a bit over the top.

I'm one of them. I'll tell you why.... because its fucking annoying answering the door every time unless I am expecting someone specific or a signed for parcel and especislly as I wfh. IT breaks your concentration and its hardly ever anything I really need to open the door for. packages can be left on the doorstep thank you very much. If there is repeated banging I might investigate as might be an emergency but otherwise? Nope. Not answering as I've got too much to do in too little time

But if it was an emergency they’d leave a voicemail and you could call them back
the police have a distinctive know imo and they always shout ‘police’

Do you have a very thick door? I can’t imagine being in this situation and not shouting ‘hello, hello, it’s me, xxxx from next door, please I need to call an ambulance!!!’

Why didn't she shout out?
I don't answer my door to unexpected people either because I have to walk down two flights of stairs and I don't want to do that for a chugger. I can't see easily from a window who's there. I suppose I'd answer if I lived in a house and knew my neighbours.

"the police have a distinctive know imo and they always shout ‘police’"

If it's important they will shout VERY loudly. It's very scary if you think they're knocking at your door and nor your neighbours'!

But supposing its someone that's come across your hurt child (adult child) you wouldn't want to know?

How very very odd!

No, block and report as spam!

And the onus isn't on the other person to leave a voicemail as they might also have "anxiety" not want to leave a voicemail and have chosen to withhold their number.

It's not all about you!

It’s odd that someone suffers from mental health problems?

who said I wouldn’t want to know? My daughter has mine and my husbands phone number as emergency contacts and I literally can’t bring myself to answer the door to a stranger

I do answer phone calls depending on my state of mind but I do state on my voicemail to please leave a message

I'm another one who doesn't answer the door, I live in a flat & have got sofed up of people pressing my intercom when they want another flat & haven't got a fob or too pissed to see the right number I turn mine off unless I'm expecting someone, I also wouldn't hear anyone knocking as my living room is at the other end of the flat to my front door especially if I have the television on.

My door is often locked, so I can't be bothered with with the faff of going upstairs to get my keys. I'm in no way anxious about answering my phone or or door, but I don't see why I should waste my time on random strangers who choose to disturb me (more so on the phone, to be honest). I don't understand this expectation that we should be available to anyone at any time - what happened to privacy?

Im sorry to hear that you have experienced this unkind behaviour when you have done nothing wrong. Of course it is a shame neighbours needed your help whilst you were not available and I am sure that with knowledge of their plight, you would have helped. However, your home is your space and it is entirely up to you to decide whether you wish to answer your front door or not and you really do not need to explain that to anyone. It was very kind of you to over explain why you were unable to help and completely unreasonable that you were blamed for any part of their bad day. I think you should continue to answer your door or not depending on exactly how you feel at any given moment.

I do. The mobile signal here is unreliable.

The only person who rings on it is MIL, which is handy because I can pretend I'm out when I don't fancy a 60-minute chat about the minutiae of the lives of the entire extended family.

Lucky you that your mental health is fine.

anytime I have ever seen police knocking on any door in an EMERGENCY if there was no answer the first time they would carry on knocking and shout police,

When our son had a turn in hospital (he was in for 14 weeks and was stable when my husband had fell asleep at home and I couldn’t get hold of him the police hammered his door shouting ‘police’ until he answered the door! Albeit it only took 5 minutes but they woke the whole street up!

This really reminds me of Moss talking about how he never answers the door. But in all seriousness I totally understand. I too get very anxious when someone knocks and I'm not expecting anyone 😅

You are being a tit.

How would you feel if it were you knocking on their door?

I think it’s weird that people are so entitled about this stuff. Your home, your choice, you don’t owe anyone anything, you don’t have to answer the door. They don’t know what you’re dealing with on the other side. You could have been stuck on the loo with diarrhoea, reeling in the aftermath of some terrible news, on a work zoom call, settling your baby to sleep, having an episode of depression, things that are private and personal and you’re under no obligation to share, the list goes on.

it sounds like they had a choice. Either run inside for their own phone or run to your door. They chose to run to your door and rely on you when they could have taken responsibility for the ambulance call themselves. That’s on them. I wouldn’t have taken that risk. What if your phone was dead, broken, lost?

Nah, I’m sorry they sound like drama queens who wanted to involve as many people in their drama as possible, for what turned out to be a minor injury. And now they’re trying to feed off that supply of drama a bit more by having a go at you. They sound like twats.

And so could anyone else shout police!

If someone shouted police I’d then look out my window.

Might you do things differently in the future?

Your neighbour was in need. They asked for help and you ignored them

Re-think your actions and consequences

You have a God given right to not answer the door. Your neighbours sound ridiculous. How were you to know there was an emergency (kinda). If I don’t feel like answering the door I won’t. You don’t need approval from Mumsnetters!

That's what I did when someone knocked on my door at 2am and eventually shouted "police" .

It was the police, coming to tell me that my mother had died. She lived 2.5 hours drive away, my father had died a year earlier, and there was nothing I could do till the morning. Once I'd got over the shock, I was a bit pissed off that they hadn't left it till the morning, tbh.

It was a very young, very nervous copper, and I suspected it was his first "death knock". Either that, or he was traumatised by the sight of me in my dressing gown.

But it was a door that friends and family don't use, leading OP to believe it was someone she didn't know, likely a cold caller.

What if OP was in the shower or feeding baby or asleep, why would you bang and bang. That's unreasonable?!

I had baby twins I used to sleep when they slept, sneak a shower when they slept. I'd never be forced to open the door during that time. I answer the door now, but if I see a stranger there selling or whatever I won't answer. Why should I? No one has the right to force you to. Unless they are the police.

The child is fine. End of, no need to blame anyone.

I'm amazed they had the cheek to confront her about it. It's their child maybe they should learn how to look after it.

Scrumbler, I'm sorry this has upset you. It's not your fault. They can't blame you for not knowing why they knocked! It's your right to decide whether you respond to knocks at that door. No doubt your friends know to come to the back door. Where I grew up it was similar, my mother had trouble unlocking the front door which was only a couple of yards from the back door so she did not use it and people knocking it were always Strangers, mainly trying to persuade us to follow their religion, or once a teenager keeping her talking there while his mate snuck in the back door and stole from her.
You'll probably feel a bit shaken up by this for a while but let it die down and don't give yourself a hard time. I expect you are right, the neighbours were shaken up too. I'm surprised they didn't know to come to the back door though. However, they can't blame you for not answering. You have your own good reasons for not using that door and for avoiding people who knock on it. Nothing bad happened, thankfully, the boy is OK. I'm sure if there had been a worse accident people would have done more to arouse your attention.