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Original poster

Neighbour outraged I ignored the door

1000 replies

Scrumbler · 01/02/2023 12:18

For context I've lived in my home for 6 years, I have a baby and we get on with our neighbours very well usually.

Yesterday someone banged on the door a few times and I ignored it. I never answer my front door because everyone who I'm expecting use the side door. We get a lot of cold callers and religious people who knock alot so I will never answer it.
Today I see my neighbour and his son has a bandage on and I asked what happened, he'd had an accident yesterday in the street, my neighbour said his wife knocked on my door at the time for me to call an ambulance because she's panicked and left her phone in her house so I said I'd heard the knocking but didn't know what it was.
He looked at me completely gone out and then asked me why I'd ignored her. I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered. But he told me I was selfish and slammed his door as he went in.
I carried on taking my shopping out of the car and then his wife comes out asking if I'd ignored her! I told her I don't answer that door and didn't know it was an emergency but she just went mad shouting how horrible that was and asked what kind of person doesn't answer there door.

I know their probably still shook up but I didn't know what had happened.
To clarify, their child seems fine from what the dad told me before he found out I'd ignored the door and turned out to be a very minor injury. I feel awful it happened but I didn't ignore them on purpose knowing they were needing an ambulance so I think they've been a bit over the top.

OP posts:
Oakbeam · 01/02/2023 15:17

What about driving passed a road accident, or a dead cat in the road, or passing a bleeding drunk or a homeless beggar? All these people need help too

Then you give it, surely?

Emotionalsupportviper · 01/02/2023 15:18

Your neighbours don’t get to demand you answer your door. You, in turn, don’t get to complain that they’re pissed off that you ignored them during a medical emergency.

This. ⬆

Their son may be okay now, but she must have been worried sick, and perhaps he was in a lot of pain.

Obviously you have the right not to answer, but just think how you would have felt had it been your child who was hurt and your neighbour intentionally ignored you. I would have answered the door, and if it was an unwanted caller I would have just said "No, thank you" and closed it again.

Yarrawonga · 01/02/2023 15:19

I always ring first if I’m going to knock on somebody’s door.

Butchyrestingface · 01/02/2023 15:19

Do the 'always answer your door' people also always answer their phones? Again, this is something I struggle to ignore but wish I could.

There is a huge distance between "I never answer the door" and "I always answer the door". I sure as fuck don't always answer my door.

But if someone is URGENTLY HAMMERING at the door, then yes, I would be inclined to answer it, or at the very least, peep through the keyhole. Because it could be an emergency for THEM, or it could be an emergency for ME (ie, unbeknownst to me, the downstairs flat is on fire).

If I'd ignored urgent hammering at the door because, "hey, my life and is my life and I don't want anyone inconveniencing me even for a second" - and it then turned out to be an emergency situation for someone else, I think I'd feel terribly and see it as a wake-up call.

Yarrawonga · 01/02/2023 15:20

Sorry, of course I meant I send a text first. I wouldn’t ring, obviously.

LookingOldTheseDays · 01/02/2023 15:21

Obviously you don't stop for a car accident if there are already people/police etc. in attendance. But if you're first to arrive, it's basic human decency to stop.

Even if the occupants are walking wounded and able to call the ambulance/police themselves, you can assist by e.g. making sure a warning triangle is put out to warn traffic etc. You don't just say "none of my business" and manoeuvre past them.

Daisymaker · 01/02/2023 15:21

Vaselining · 01/02/2023 15:16

It's your door and you are under no obligation to answer it. And of course it's my time and body, and of I choose to step over the person passed out in the street rather than calling and ambulance, or if I choose to ignore the woman being attacked rather than calling the police, that's my right.

(I'm being sarcastic, for those who don't get it.)

A tad dramatic and not really a fair comparison. Because someone doesn't always answer their door it is automatically assumed they would step over someone lying in the street???
So if my door goes tonight , I'm in in alone , I have sat down to dinner and think I can't be bothered answering it as it's probably one of the cold callers who always appears, I am somehow lacking in humanity ??

Catspyjamas17 · 01/02/2023 15:21

Obviously you have the right not to answer, but just think how you would have felt had it been your child who was hurt and your neighbour intentionally ignored you.

I have thought about that myself. I'd blame myself for being a muppet and not having my phone on me, not a neighbour for not answering the door, because I recognise it's not their problem or emergency. If they could help, great, but it wouldn't be expected. I'd be mortified to even have to ask and put someone out.

Butchyrestingface · 01/02/2023 15:22

So if my door goes tonight , I'm in in alone , I have sat down to dinner and think I can't be bothered answering it as it's probably one of the cold callers who always appears, I am somehow lacking in humanity ??

If the knocking is urgent repeated banging (which might suggest someone needs help), then yes, I'd think you were lacking in humanity if you didn't at least investigate.

Ludo19 · 01/02/2023 15:24

TheFretfulPorpentine · 01/02/2023 12:34

It is hardly your fault if your neighbour is an airhead who panics in a minor emergency.

This completely

Plus it shows their mentality they then verbally abuse you for not answering your own front door. You could barricade it up, it's got fuck all to do with them what your choices are!

Vaselining · 01/02/2023 15:24

Daisymaker · 01/02/2023 15:21

A tad dramatic and not really a fair comparison. Because someone doesn't always answer their door it is automatically assumed they would step over someone lying in the street???
So if my door goes tonight , I'm in in alone , I have sat down to dinner and think I can't be bothered answering it as it's probably one of the cold callers who always appears, I am somehow lacking in humanity ??

Show quote history

Depends on the situation. But if someone knocks several times and you can go and at least check who it is and what they want, yes it's a bit shitty to ignore.

Catspyjamas17 · 01/02/2023 15:25

Repeated banging on the door could also be someone who means you harm also. Depends where you live, what time of day it is, whether you are alone, etc.

Shikamiri · 01/02/2023 15:27

I barely answer my door. I also ignore my fone unless it's one of my kids, sue me

LookingOldTheseDays · 01/02/2023 15:27

Catspyjamas17 · 01/02/2023 15:25

Repeated banging on the door could also be someone who means you harm also. Depends where you live, what time of day it is, whether you are alone, etc.

So you can look through a window/spyhole etc. to see who it is and what's going on first.

There are ways of keeping safe without being an arsehole who doesn't give a shit about anyone else.

Daisymaker · 01/02/2023 15:28

poetryandwine · 01/02/2023 14:34

Arguably you do, @Daisymaker, but what if you or someone you love dies because someone else is exercising their reciprocal right? Or someone dies because you couldn’t be arsed to heed frantic knocking and dial 999? A glance at the news shows the possibility isn’t completely far fetched.

The UK is the only country I have ever lived in where I can imagine this happening, and that includes a wealthy and conservative American town with no great reputation for friendliness. I do make an exception for those who truly feel vulnerable in their homes

Where are all these people living that have people regularly frantically banging on their door begging for help?

If someone was banging on my door frantically I would assess the situation and offer the appropriate help but in all my 52 years that has never happened , what I have had is jehovahs witnesses, cold callers, charities. Etc

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 15:28

Catspyjamas17 · 01/02/2023 15:25

Repeated banging on the door could also be someone who means you harm also. Depends where you live, what time of day it is, whether you are alone, etc.

Yes, I thought that. Repeated banging would probably alert me to the fact it wasn't cold callers but in that case you do run the risk of coming across as threatening rather than threatened. It would make me wary, rather than just not wanting to be bothered.

Mumtoucher204 · 01/02/2023 15:28

I think a lot of people are getting confused here, yes you respond to an emergency if someone needs it but if you not aware because you didnt open a front door etc then you are not at fault for not assisting. Close this thread and move on

bigbluebus · 01/02/2023 15:28

Does your neighbour never watch/read the news. Do they not know that they'd likely wait 10 hours for an ambulance if it wasn't a cardiac arrest?
Whether you answer the door or not is irrelevant - unless they saw you peeping out from behind the curtain and deliberately ignoring the door knowing it was them. As PPs have pointed out you could have been otherwise engaged and unable to get to the door.

Butchyrestingface · 01/02/2023 15:29

Catspyjamas17 · 01/02/2023 15:25

Repeated banging on the door could also be someone who means you harm also. Depends where you live, what time of day it is, whether you are alone, etc.

Why is why I said INVESTIGATE, not necessarily open the door. If OP had at least gone to door and asked who was on the other side (or peeked through the peephole), she would have learned it was her neighbour having a medical emergency situation...

And then she could have told her to fuck off, because God forbid anyone ever dare inconvenience you in your own home by asking you for help.

JudgeRudy · 01/02/2023 15:29

takealettermsjones · 01/02/2023 14:16

I have done those things, and I don't see it that way. I think it's a kind thing to do to tell someone their lights are on etc. I would also think someone doing that for me was kind to do so, I'm not sitting there cursing them for daring to knock on my door. But I understand that my choosing to not answer in certain circumstances might result in not being warned about things like that, and that's my risk to take. If I've decided that not answering the door is more important in that moment, then that's on me, and I have to cope with the drained battery or whatever it is. If that makes sense!

Show quote history

@takealettermsjones @RunnerBum

I'm a non answered. Not because I'm scared but because I find responding particularly intrusive. I have knocked on a neighbours house exactly to let them know their car lights were on. I didn't think I was entitled to an answer but I did expect them to answer. They answered, and thanked me. If they didn't, and I knew full well they were aware I was knocking, I'd probably not bother randomly knocking in the future. I would though in an emergency.
My friend has an open house. You can turn up whenever you like and he'll always answer and have you in. Ive even popped in just to use his loo once. He doesnt mind, I do so he doesn't make unplanned visits to mine. It's not an unfair relationship. I do plenty for him (that he doesn't do for me.) Likewise I contribute to society in different ways. Door ignorers aren't inheritantently bad people.

Mix56 · 01/02/2023 15:29

SnarkyBag · 01/02/2023 12:31

I have no time or understanding for people who have a generic “I don’t answer my door if it’s not pre planned or it’s the wrong door” just bloody answer it!

Ditto

lemmein · 01/02/2023 15:29

Meh, I would've ignored it too and I'd also ignore them whinging about it.

ittakes2 · 01/02/2023 15:30

I think if someone was banging on my door I would assume their was a good reason.

Daisymaker · 01/02/2023 15:32

Mumtoucher204 · 01/02/2023 15:28

I think a lot of people are getting confused here, yes you respond to an emergency if someone needs it but if you not aware because you didnt open a front door etc then you are not at fault for not assisting. Close this thread and move on

Exactly

I'm closing my door on this thread now and going off to watch Real Housewives and if Chris hemsworth comes knocking I might actually open it

TimeToFlyNow · 01/02/2023 15:34

ReneBumsWombats · 01/02/2023 14:09

Do people knock particularly aggressively in Nottingham?

Show quote history

The scrap men do, we don't really have nottingham knockers anymore though. That's goy to have Bern about 15 years ago

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