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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask school to replace shoes

321 replies

NCshoess · 31/01/2023 17:25

4 year old ds is in reception, he got shoes for Christmas that he loves and has been wearing them every day. they are light up superhero shoes which is allowed, many kids have them.

Friday he comes home crying in his gym shoes saying he was kicking his feet to make the shoes flash so the teacher took them away. I was going to ask about it yesterday but my sister picked him up.

Today I asked his teacher she said she took them away, but then looking in the classroom she can't find them. I asked where they were and she said they might turn up.

am I being unreasonable to ask them to replace his shoes if they can't find them...these were shoes he was asking for for ages, was so happy when he got them for Christmas and has been crying about having them taken away. I can't afford to buy him new ones atm...I understand taking them away for the day but not to give them back and then lose them is too far.

OP posts:
Noodles1234 · 01/02/2023 18:18

I would probably not buy children anything that distracts them, a light up superhero might be very exciting for Reception Class. However, to confiscate and then lose, I can understand you are not happy.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 01/02/2023 18:19

WombatChocolate · 31/01/2023 17:40

Best thing would be to email (so it’s in writing) and consider copying in the Head.

Dont make a big thing about it, but push them to find the shoes and to consider that it was they who took them away, if you’re sure that was the case.

’Dear Miss X
I am just following up on our conversation about Y’s shoes. I understand that you confiscated them on Friday following his silly behaviour. We quite understand that and have spoken to him about it. However, we were concerned that we weren’t able to get them back today when I came to school. They were new at Christmas and expensive and we need Y to keep wearing them for the rest of the year. Please could I ask you to arrange for him to have his shoes back tomorrow. I’d be very grateful if you’re able to confirm that will happen.

Thanks v much’

This doesn’t raise the issue if school paying for them. There is no need. You just need to make clear an expectation that they are returned. If the school is unable to do this, they will have to acknowledge it and then address that issue.

I’d imagine the shoes will be returned.

If the teacher tells you they have been lost, I would certainly involve the Head. I wouldn’t ask for money but I would ask the school what they are going to do about the fact they confiscated the shoes and can’t now return them. Put the ball in their court.

Good luck. I’d imagine you’ll have them back speedily.

This. Good way to approach it, imo

turnipash · 01/02/2023 18:23

Were they labelled?

Personally i dont think light up shoes are at all appropriate. Especially for reception year. I feel bad for the teacher. I bet she was massively irritated

They will show up. They can't have gone far can they

cherish123 · 01/02/2023 18:25

Not sure. I'd be annoyed if the school lost my dc shoes. However, I am not sure why you would send a child in with flashing shoes! Totally inappropriate for school.

turnipash · 01/02/2023 18:28

Dont send an email. Thats making a big deal out of nothing

Just hang around after school and speak to teacher face to face and ask to check the PE bag which i bet money is where they are

You need to take responsibility too. Flashing expensive shoes for school? Honestly OP, be sensible here

Tempone · 01/02/2023 18:31

I can't get over the outrage on light up shoes, loads have them in our school and they are proper shoes too!

Hmm1234 · 01/02/2023 19:46

Wow that was really over the top the teacher confiscated them!? I’d be putting in a complaint to the headteacher along with a receipt by email

Clarabell77 · 01/02/2023 20:06

Pinkypurplecloud · 31/01/2023 17:52

One with a class full of 30 four year olds with ridiculous novelty shoes, stamping their feet repeatedly while she’s trying to teach. I bet she asked him to stop repeatedly and he didn’t, so she got him to put on different shoes. Entirely reasonable strategy. She didn’t send him out barefoot in the snow like a Victorian urchin.

Her mistake was losing them/not giving them to a parent at home time.

Show quote history

If there’s a class full of kids with shoes that are causing an issue then a note should be sent to all parents asking that they aren’t worn because they’re distracting, not confiscated and then lost. And “I bet she asked him to stop repeatedly and he didn’t” - making it up as you go along there, but again if that was the case, notify the parent, don’t confiscate them then lose them.

GUARDIAN1 · 01/02/2023 20:11

If they can't return the shoes I think it's reasonable to ask for them to be replaced. Have to say though, if I were the head I wouldn't allow shoes like that in school. They're distracting to your own and other kids. Keep school shoes plain and save these for weekends.

claremmm · 01/02/2023 20:13

When my wee boy was at nursery, one of the other kids went home wearing one of his trainers leaving him an odd pair. The dad of the other kid got the right shoe back from us but when we asked about my son’s, the nursery said the dad had thrown it away!!! Cheeky bam!!🤣

Manthide · 01/02/2023 20:18

'They might turn up!' is something a teacher says when a child misplaces something - the one plimsoll my daughter lost in the classroom 10 years ago still hasn't! She absolutely has to take responsibility if she took possession of them, she's not 4. I would expect a replacement if they are not returned immediately.

ScroogeMcDuckling · 01/02/2023 20:24

Some people have said do write an email and some have said don’t.

I think I would write an email, copying in the head teacher now, explaining the whole situation and ask when his Christmas present trainers (they came from such and such shop priced £XX.XX) which he loves (clearly, he was making them light up weeks after Christmas) are going to be returned?

LieInsAreExtinct · 01/02/2023 20:29

Teacher confiscated my lucky 13er conker once, and lost it. Heartbroken. Seriously though, I would be very annoyed - they should have a safe place to keep confiscated valuables, surely? Children might take something from home to school without permission thinking jewelry or a watch, for example) and you would hope it would be rescued.

Dominoeffecter · 01/02/2023 20:54

They should replace them but you shouldn’t send a child in with flashing shoes 🙄

Mooseknuckle · 01/02/2023 22:23

We’ve lost shoes before (not confiscated) searched high and low.
nursery class … child went home in spares.
found them the next day under the Christmas Tree. 😂
such fun working in early years.

Totally agree she shouldn’t have lost them, in this instance.
I’m always surprised by how surprised parents are that things get lost in a reception class. (In normal circumstances)
I’m also surprised where we find things.

I am no longer surprised that people don’t label their children’s belongings.

Could he have put them in the wrong PE kit bag when swapping them over?

T1Dmama · 01/02/2023 23:46

So she took them and made him go out to play in his PE shoes ?
what I feel should’ve happened is that he was told off in the first instance and asked to stop. If this is a problem then the teacher should’ve spoken to you at pick up and said you need to buy non flashing shoes as your son is disrupting the class.. I hope he’s learnt a lesson but the teacher shouldn’t confiscate shoes

Snoopsnoggysnog · 01/02/2023 23:53

YABU for sending him in those shoes sorry. The poor teacher was probably at her wits end and now she’s stressing about having lost them. Also, this is one of those threads that will get picked up by the lazy “journalists” who work for the Fail and the star.

Augustlou30 · 02/02/2023 00:05

I hope you get them back.

My 9 yr old lost a whole bag of her uniform before Christmas. She had to go dressed for a choir performance then get changed for Christmas party. She swears she took the bag with good black winter boots shirt, tie and white shirt back to her desk but it's just gone. I was so upset and told various teachers who all said oh that terrible we will have a good look but nothing. I've had to fork out for new boots and the other items (daughter is quite sensory and I needed them again). Not great asca single mum and I normally put money away all year for school uniform 😣 didn't occur to me I could ask the school to compensate as I do feel they are partly responsible!!

Stewball01 · 02/02/2023 06:08

There is also the possibility of them having been stolen. However, lost or stolen they have to be replaced.

H12345 · 02/02/2023 07:04

Have you checked the gym bag.... things always, always turn up in those things!

Actually think it’s ridiculous that the school allow flashing shoes as the poor teachers have a hard enough job trying to teach 30 4/5 year olds let alone with some banging their feet everyone 2 minutes for an annoying, distracting flash 🤯.... feeling sorry for the teacher right now.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 02/02/2023 07:44

Yes, hopefully if the school has to compensate the OP they will just ban the bloody things! Kids should be going to school in decent non distracting footwear. And don’t even get me started on the state of some of the school shoes marketed at little girls. Totally unsuitable.

eastegg · 02/02/2023 08:06

Sorted2856 · 31/01/2023 19:02

she confiscated his shoes? That’s ridiculous. Shoes are essential not like a bracelet or a watch. Then to lose them?! I’d be asking what the behavioural policy is - if your child chews his shirt sleeve in an annoying manner are they going to whip that off him too?? He’d best not develop a habit of snapping his underpant elastic!

😂
It’s a good point as well as being quite funny. I think if I were a teacher I’d be very reluctant to take shoes off a pupil, especially if they were not banned in the uniform policy. I get that it’s not really the main point though, as OP says she understands why they were taken off the child and is aggrieved they have now been lost.

Notsoivorytower · 02/02/2023 08:09

I would be speaking to the teacher and head teacher - totally unacceptable behaviour.

The shoes need replacing ASAP. They should not have been confiscated in the first place without your prior consent!

SophieCook · 02/02/2023 08:53

YABU. You shouldn't have sent him into school in flashing shoes. That's just insanity. It's why we have school uniforms, so parents don't send their kids into school in flashing shoes and prevent the teacher from teaching. The teacher did the right thing taking them off him. Unfortunately at school things go missing. That's not justifying it, but it's what we all know. That's why we spend so much time labeling stuff. It's also why we don't send them in with things that they will be devastated by if they go missing. It must be absolutely gutting that they've disappeared, but it's your fault. You can't insist the school pays for something that you should never have sent into school in the first place, which had to be taken off your child because your child was doing what any kid with flashing shoes would do - disrupt the class, and which consequently got lost.

Seeitsayitsortit3756 · 02/02/2023 09:29

They can be standard school shoes by reputable manufacturers;
Clarks light up school shoes

M&S do them too.

Unnecessary maybe but unless there is a specific ban in place they would meet most uniform policies.