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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL visiting with cats?

118 replies

Lollipalooza · 31/01/2023 15:34

Not sure if IBU to worry about SIL visiting with cats? Opinions please!

SIL is coming Friday for the weekend to visit our newborn DD (3 weeks old). First baby in the family on DH's side.

We're not close at all, but she's making a big effort to drive up to visit so excited for her to meet DD.

The only thing is, she's planning to bring her two cats along for the weekend.

I have no experience with cats whatsoever and not sure if bringing them around a new baby would be a disaster? All the information online is about preparing your own cats for the arrival of baby and getting them used to the idea/smell/sounds, but these cats won't have time to adjust at all. I worry they could respond badly to crying and go for her (I know, unlikely we'll take our eyes off her!).

DH not worried at all when I asked him about it.

WIBU to ask her not to bring them? I worry this will mean she can't come at all. For context, we recently moved cross-country to be closer to my family and away from DH's, and he's been feeling sad that they are missing out on seeing DD so I don't want to prevent this visit or upset DH/SIL, and I could be worrying over nothing.

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 31/01/2023 15:37

Do they normally travel? If not it would be extremely stressful for them. Stress can be minimised if they're confined to the spare room, but what's the point?

Hoppinggreen · 31/01/2023 15:37

I have cats, I love my cats.
Which is why I know how much they would hate being taken to someone else’s house. They won’t harm your baby because they will spend the whole time terrified under the sofa or similar.
Plus you don’t take any uninvited animal to someone’s house

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 31/01/2023 15:37

Nope. YANBU in the slightest.

I wouldn't worry about safety, but cats are hugely territorial and will likely be absolutely petrified in a strange home with strange people and baby.

She can leave them home and hire a sitter. They're not dogs - they can be left on their own for a weekend as long as they're fed and watered.

ThreeLittleDots · 31/01/2023 15:38

Oh, btw the cats won't attack the baby, don't worry about that - I was mainly converned about the cats 😂

R0ckets · 31/01/2023 15:38

Are the cats used to travelling, if not I don't see how this is something any sane person would suggest. Surely they would be fine being left for a weekend with an automatic cat feeder or a neighbour popping in to feed them. Much less fuss and kinder to the cats.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 31/01/2023 15:39

Are the cats her ‘babies’?

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 31/01/2023 15:41

Absolute flat out NO from me.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 31/01/2023 15:41

I'm allergic to cats so that'd be a hard pass.

But even without allergies or a newborn the last thing I'd want is a cat jumping on top of every imaginable surface leaving their hair all over the place.

Also I'd worry about it being injured or lost in a non-familiar place/garden.

If you don't want the cats say no. It's your house, baby or not, if you are not coming then put your foot down.

JustAWeirdoWithNoName · 31/01/2023 15:41

YANBU. We have a harness-trained house cat (only goes outside on a lead under supervision) that we take to visit very local family and he enjoys the enrichment as he doesn't go out by himself. However, no way would I take him to stay overnight at a house he's never been to when the hosts have a newborn baby. She needs to get an auto-feeder and/or make friends with a cat-loving neighbour.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 31/01/2023 15:41

*if you are not comfortable

AnnaMagnani · 31/01/2023 15:43

The cats will be totally miserable travelling, miserable in a new house and you will all spend your time making sure they don't escape.

User4873628 · 31/01/2023 15:44

Bringing your cats is just weird.

We mixed cats and babies just fine, the cats used to snuggle up beside the baby where it was warm and would get into their cot once the baby got out and sleep in the warm spot, or would climb into the pram and cuddle up. They never hurt the babies.

But having said all that, and being a committed cat lover, I wouldn't want anyone else's cats in my baby's bed. No way.

So if she brings her cats they need to stay in the spare bedroom.

xogossipgirlxo · 31/01/2023 15:46

Oh myyy, why would she do it? Do they normally travel? Most cats would hate it.

Ihatethenewlook · 31/01/2023 15:47

What a stupid idea. Are the cats used to travelling long distances in the car? Where are they planning on staying in your house? Where will they be eating, sleeping, pissing and shitting? Cats get unbelievably stressed in new environments. It can take weeks for a new cat to come out of hiding in a new house. Their distress could come out as contact crying and wailing. Are they used to babies? Are you going to be on edge the whole time trying not to let them escape? Unless they’re going to be crated the whole time (any they’re trained and comfortable to do so) I can see this causing a shit ton of stress for everyone.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/01/2023 15:47

I am a life long cat owner, I currently have three, and this is the most fucking ridiculous thing I've ever heard, not to mention extremely cheeky. Of course she shouldn't bring her cats. FFS.

Wakeywake · 31/01/2023 15:47

Is she a new cat owner? Travelling with cats is a bit bonkers. But they won't attack your baby if that's your worry, they are more likely to go to the toilet on your carpet and cover your house in hair.

JacquotteDelahaye · 31/01/2023 15:47

Just as pp's I can't believe anyone would put their cats through that stress wtf? They're going to be petrified and either escape or go mad being enclosed in a strange place. There's way too much going on I'd absolutely say no, you said she's planning to bring them as in hasn't asked just told you?
Honestly doesn't sound like she's considering anyone's feelings including her poor cats.

AllotmentTime · 31/01/2023 15:47

Your baby will be fine.

The cats will be miserable.

Is she on glue?

SallyWD · 31/01/2023 15:48

Why do people do this?! I love cats and have always had cats. Taking them on a long journey to stay in an unfamiliar territory would be hugely stressful for them.
Some cat owners are completely clueless and think cats are just like dogs! Makes me really annoyed!
Age can easily pay a local cat sitter to feed them at her home. They'll be much happier.

dooneyousmugelf · 31/01/2023 15:50

I have cats. I love cats. As a cat owner, you make arrangements for a cat hotel or cat sitter when travelling. You don't take them to visit people 😂

Emmamoo89 · 31/01/2023 15:52

Baby will be fine

Aquamarine1029 · 31/01/2023 15:56

Emmamoo89 · 31/01/2023 15:52

Baby will be fine

Of course the baby will be fine, I'd be worried about my house if I were the op. A distressed cat can piss all over the place.

gogohmm · 31/01/2023 15:57

Never heard of anybody bringing cats! We leave dcat at home if we head somewhere for the weekend, just put out plenty of food and water, she has a cat flap. Ddog comes with us though, he loves a weekend away, visiting people etc, particularly seems to like revolving doors in hotels for some reason Confused

GloomyDarkness · 31/01/2023 15:58

There are some cats that travel - seen one bonded to a dog that goes hiking with US couple - another a Scottish man who has a van with a cat tree in and cat sits next to him when driving and seems to love it.

Most cats though are very territorial and would be very upset with the travel and at huge risk of escaping and getting lost.

Our cats are in the second category and even catteries seem to stressful for one - so we use cat sitters - we love pets they are a franchise operation and our local one is really good - if they are not a local option for her then likely there are other options including a cattery.

takealettermsjones · 31/01/2023 15:59

What?! I'm a cat owner and lover but that's mad. Cats usually hate car journeys, and an unfamiliar house with unknown people, noises, smells... Chances are they'll hide, claw at the doors trying to get out, or piss everywhere. Or all of the above. What a cruel thing to do to them, even aside from the cheek. Tell her you've developed an allergy and she needs to hire someone to feed her cats while she's gone.