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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL visiting with cats?

118 replies

Lollipalooza · 31/01/2023 15:34

Not sure if IBU to worry about SIL visiting with cats? Opinions please!

SIL is coming Friday for the weekend to visit our newborn DD (3 weeks old). First baby in the family on DH's side.

We're not close at all, but she's making a big effort to drive up to visit so excited for her to meet DD.

The only thing is, she's planning to bring her two cats along for the weekend.

I have no experience with cats whatsoever and not sure if bringing them around a new baby would be a disaster? All the information online is about preparing your own cats for the arrival of baby and getting them used to the idea/smell/sounds, but these cats won't have time to adjust at all. I worry they could respond badly to crying and go for her (I know, unlikely we'll take our eyes off her!).

DH not worried at all when I asked him about it.

WIBU to ask her not to bring them? I worry this will mean she can't come at all. For context, we recently moved cross-country to be closer to my family and away from DH's, and he's been feeling sad that they are missing out on seeing DD so I don't want to prevent this visit or upset DH/SIL, and I could be worrying over nothing.

OP posts:
Fladdermus · 31/01/2023 17:22

I have cats. Baby safety, a complete non issue. But I wouldn't do with my cats. Cats hate travelling and they hate being in new houses. I think this is a pretty cruel thing to do to them.

chupachump · 31/01/2023 17:22

This would be a flat no from me, even without the newborn. Cats aren't like dogs in that they just want their home, their neighbourhood whereas dogs are generally happy as long as they're with their people.

My cats would have freaked out, probably puked and pissed everywhere. It's not fair on anyone.

Cherrysoup · 31/01/2023 17:23

I think the cats will be very stressed. What a mad idea to bring them. I'd tell her absolutely no way.

Catingle · 31/01/2023 17:29

Lollipalooza · 31/01/2023 17:10

Thanks all for your comments!

I'm reassured there would be no physical danger to DD - not thrilled by the thought of her stuff (or our new house furniture) getting jumped on, scratched, peed on or left covered in hair by two hysterical cats though!

I don't know anything about the cats - whether they travel well, or what they'll be travelling with, or where they will sleep/eat/litter etc. Will ask DH again if he has considered any of this - I did ask when it was first suggested and just got "it will be fine!" back, which is not good enough frankly! He's not particularly practical though and probably just thought I was worried about baby's safety - I was, but I was also worried about the logistics.

OP I would get your DH to check whether the cats have experience travelling like this - that’s the main thing.

If they do come, I’d suggest they stay largely confined to the room that SIL is sleeping in - it’s not cruel to the cats to keep them in one room for a couple of days (better for them in fact) and it minimises any worry for you. A couple of old towels you can use to put under a litter tray and food bowls might be helpful to protect the carpets, and don’t put you best duvet cover on the bed.

If the cats have never travelled before I think it’s fine to say you don’t want to be the testing ground. But if they’re experienced travellers and you want to be accommodating you’re unlikely to have any major issues.

SleeplessInEngland · 31/01/2023 17:40

Unless they’re unusually aggressive I’d have no concerns over the baby. Still really precious of the SiL to bring them for an overnight stay though. They’ll survive 48 hours alone!

Imenti · 31/01/2023 17:46

YANBU. Absolutely not - cats like warm snuggly places...like babies moses baskets which introduces a risk of them suffocating the baby so you will need to keep watch 24/7 and make sure they are never left alone with the baby. Not to mention cat hair and whatever they might bring in from outside all over your cat free house. In your shoes I'd want to scrub the house from head to toe after they left and you are definitely not going to feel like doing anything like that!!

Ragwort · 31/01/2023 17:48

I love the idea of a PP's cat enjoying the 'enrichment' of going visiting 😹

AtomicRitual · 31/01/2023 17:58

One of my cats hides when people visit my house, let alone taking them to visit someone else's!

She's bonkers OP. Unless the cats are used to travelling I would not be happy with this.

As PPs have said, she'd have to keep them in one room (so what's the point in bringing them) and it will be full of smells they don't know, so there's a very good chance they'll pee or poo on something!

I do know people that take their cats on holiday with them, but it's their own second/holiday home, so familiar smells, etc.

daisy46 · 31/01/2023 18:06

I'd ask her to contain the cats to the bedroom that she will be sleeping in and have their litterbox/food/etc all in one place (also so you don't have to worry about them getting out/running away). I would imagine they would hide under the bed all weekend. That's what my cat would do!

minipie · 31/01/2023 18:11

What everyone else said. This is bonkers. The cats will be totally fine with an automatic cat feeder and a litter tray. Far happier than being stuffed in a cat carrier and taken somewhere unfamiliar. And even if I’m wrong and they will miss SIL dreadfully Hmm you are still perfectly entitled to say you don’t want pets in your home.

UWhatNow · 31/01/2023 18:23

I personally wouldn’t want shedding pet hair, fecal matter, claws, smelly pet food and everything else that goes along with cats around my house, let alone my beautiful new baby. I would tell her that if she insists on bringing them she would have to leave them in the car because they’re not coming into the house.

Desertbarncat · 31/01/2023 18:25

Most likely the cats will pee in your house, stress and being territorial animals they like to mark their territory. You will never get the smell of cat pee out of your floors or furniture.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 31/01/2023 18:26

I have traveled with cats under a very unique set of circumstances… mine was used to travel and staying in new houses because I got him while at uni and he traveled home with me on breaks. I then got a job a couple of years after uni, that had me on the road 100%, so he lived with me in hotels (I’d be stationary in a city for ~2 mo) so he was totally used to it.

No way would I attempt that with random not acclimated to travel and new places cats.

@Lollipalooza All that being said, it’s most likely that they’ll spend all of their time under a bed or in a closet. If you allow them at all. (I wouldn’t).

Fleabigg · 31/01/2023 18:29

The baby will be absolutely fine, I’d be more worried about the cats who will absolutely fucking hate the situation.

Viviennemary · 31/01/2023 18:30

No. She absolutely can't bring her cats to your house. Crazy woman.

LookItsMeAgain · 31/01/2023 18:30

It's a no from me too.

Tell them while you're really looking forward to seeing them, their cats are not invited and they'll have to find someone to look after their cats while they visit.

Seriously, start as you mean to go on.

GreaterStickle · 31/01/2023 18:30

Lol nope. SIL and no cats or neither at all.

Catingle · 31/01/2023 18:31

One of my cats hides when people visit my house, let alone taking them to visit someone else's!

I’ve had cats that hide just because the postman has rung the doorbell, and I’ve had cats who love company and will be in the middle of the action during all the carnage of a kid’s birthday party.

Ericaequites · 31/01/2023 18:35

Cats are little furry Republicans who
don’t like change. I would never try to travel with them blowing cost and soiling in inappropriate places. A cat sitter is much better.

RagzRebooted · 31/01/2023 18:37

Aquamarine1029 · 31/01/2023 15:47

I am a life long cat owner, I currently have three, and this is the most fucking ridiculous thing I've ever heard, not to mention extremely cheeky. Of course she shouldn't bring her cats. FFS.

Exactly this. Like, WTAF?
My cats are very much part of the family. As much as I'd love to take them camping/on holiday, I don't. They aren't dogs.

Confusednewmum1 · 31/01/2023 18:38

Baby will be fine m, but cats will hate it and likely stay in the one room.

if it was me and we weren’t close I would suck it up and just do it to keep the peace. Not that you should do this!!!

These things tend not to be as bad in reality as they seem.

are you allergic though as a newborn and an allergy would send the most tolerant person insane

headache · 31/01/2023 18:38

I absolutely adore cats I have four myself but there is no way I would ever inflict them on anyone else it’s just not fair.

in terms of a danger to your baby I’ve brought up 4 babies around cats, the cats stayed well away from the noisy crying thing. The thing with cats smothering babies is an old wives tale - there. has never been a documented case of a cat killing a baby.

What would worry me is the upheaval to your house. Cats are creatures of habit they don’t like change at all. Mine get upset if I move a piece of furniture. They may wander about miaowing, scratching, they may pee (they will need litter trays), they shed hair and they scratch furniture. I would never expect anyone else to put up with that, it’s unfair. If your SIL is coming for maybe 2 days cats are fine left with an automatic feeder and water fountain. Any longer you either get a friend to pop in pr pay a professional cat sitter

Oakbeam · 31/01/2023 18:41

It depends on the cats. I have had a couple that were laid back enough to take camping.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 31/01/2023 18:50

I love cats but there's no way in the world I'd want someone else's cats in my house.

No chance.

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 31/01/2023 19:08

Massive cat lover here, I have a few and also work with animals and I think your sister is being unreasonable. Cats are not like dogs which can be trained and enjoy exploring new places.

Cats are very territorial and as a general rule most cats don’t like change, even the smallest most subtle of changes can really upset some cats. Stressed cats will often urinate outside of a litter box or spray up vertical surfaces, they also like and have a need to scratch. Most also dislike being boxed up in a car. I’m not really concerned so much for your child as they will be fine but more for your furnishings (potentially) and more importantly for the physical and emotional wellbeing of the cats. Cats can take weeks to settle into a new environment. Are they chipped should they escape? Is she bringing scratching posts? Beds? Litter boxes (3 is the recommended for 2 cats) where will they go? Do they have a room they can be confined to if needed?

With a newborn baby this sounds like a lot of un-nessisary stress for you. If the cats are used to travelling and known to take it in their stride then it could be fine but if not I’d think the cats would be much happier being left at home with someone popping in daily to do food & litter boxes and give them a quick fuss than being confined to a small space for a long journey and then tossed into unfamiliar surroundings filled with unfamiliar people.