Dd ill. She didn’t reply to my message

[Isitspringyettho]

My Dd is 4 and has been ill on and off since starting pre school, she’s also missed some pre school due to strikes etc
I recently started a job in someone’s home part time. I’ve had to cancel/rearrange the work a few times due to Dd being ill (have no parents around to help and Dh works full time) or due to strikes. She’s been understanding, until this last time when I apologised for not being able to make it due to Dd being v ill, she hasn’t replied to the message.
There is literally nothing I can do if my Dd is ill.
What would you think of this?
Aibu in thinking you just can’t work with young dc without any family around to help?

In a way I can see why you don't want your DH to keep having time off especially if he is tye main earner.
It will solve your work problem by having someone to look after DD but we as onlookers don't know what affect it will then have on DH job/work colleagues work load.

As much as you want this job if DD illness is an ongoing illness maybe the timing isn't right.
If its just normal kids illnesses DD immunity will grow stronger.

Sorry, I see you've said you're not a cleaner OP.

Has she replied yet? Does she usually reply quickly?

I didn't reply to my friend who cancelled plans for the third time in a row today, if that's any indication. She had a reason but it didn't matter as she has form and it's annoying.

@Isitspringyettho maybe she's just busy today and that's why she hasn't replies. When are you next due to go in for work? Do you think that you are likely to be able to make that? These are the things to focus on, surely - and let her know.

Well if I had someone who called in three weeks in a row I would cease to use their services. You aren’t reliable

it's pointless speculating because we don't know where OP is except not UK.

If she were where i am each parent is legally entitled to 10 days per year per child for sick leave. If she were here, for me it's a no-brainer.

If you can be fired at will for taking a day off for that? then OP and her DH have to work out how they can do that.

It depends on whether she employs you or not. Otherwise you are in control and if she doesn't like it she will find someone else, and you will lose her business. This will either force you to change your way of doing things, or not, depending on your circumstances.

Can you do the work in the evening or at weekend? If your DH can’t step up then you don’t have any choice, I did nights for years because needs must.

Why are you so hung up on 'need to keep husband's job!' when he hasn't actually apparently taken any carer time off so isn't at risk of being disciplined for it?

Just because you can do the job at another time doesn’t mean it suits your employer. My cleaner asked if she could do a Thursday evening instead of Friday morning and I said no. The house is busy with kids getting back from school, homework etc and I don’t want her in at that time as it isn’t convenient just as I wouldn’t want her at the weekend as we are busy. Your not paranoid she is clearly reflecting on your lack of reliability.

To be fair Op hasn’t said which country. She could be in a fire at will state or in country where they need the health insurance that comes with his job.

Could you change your hours so you are permanently evenings and weekends?

Echoing others, your dh needs to support you here by sharing the burden of taking time off to care for his child. He won't like it, but tough. Employers recognise many families have both parents working and the responsibility for dependency leave is not on just the mum.

Telling your employer you are doing what you can - sending dd in if there is no fever/D&V/severe symptoms, sharing the load with your dh and being flexible to catch up with work - will go a long way.

Flaky people for whatever reason are irritating OP. You have a choice of working weekends only when your blokes off or your husband stops seeing childcare as all your responsibility.

I get it, I don't work school hours because of my SN kid. I work unsociable hours when husband is at home. It's tag teaming. One day I'll be able to work during the day, but this way I'm available for all illness, school holidays or whatever shite crops up that means kid at home.

You work your job life around your household. You are unreliable at present so need to change the way you think and do it.

Why would he lose his job?

Where do people get these babysitters who are willing to look after spewing children at short notice?!

Losing his job might be a bit overblown, but it's not impossible to imagine that there are some cultures/countries/companies where if a man takes time off to care for a child, he's seen as uncommitted, unreliable, etc and misses promotions or gets elbowed out.

I don't work now as a carer for my son but when I did my hubby and I alternated who was off when children were sick. No way is it all my responsibility and neither would he expect it to be

Why are people on mumsnet so mean? Absolutely no compassion at all.

OP, its a tough situation to be in and it sounds like you don't have any options at this point except finding a weekend only job or evenings when your DH comes home. This wont be the last time your DC is ill. There's a lot more to come! It's tough!

I can understand your employer's POV though so they are not unreasonable if they let you go but I can definitely understand your situation x

So you have been employed a few weeks and already had to change/cancel shifts 3 times in the last weeks? Its not fair to continue like that for either you or your employer. Call it quits and find a weekend/evening job that fots round your partners shifts

Mean?! People are answering the OP's question as to whether or not she's being unreasonable.

And compassion? For who? How about the employer who is - presumably - being seriously inconvenienced by an employee who has let her down so often, so regularly.

My dh and I both work full time with two dc. We have no family apart from the two of us. We could not do it without eachother. Nor should we. Why does your husband not want to care for his daughter?

Probably I would suggest if DD now well enough to call your employer, apologise and explain the situation and that normally you are all well and you understand how this must look new in employment and say that you are looking into alternative childcare arrangements. Hopefully this pacifies them - and you could try an emergency childcare agencies (for any future strikes at least)

Good luck!

And I doubt he can be fired for taking parental leave/a day's holiday

Honestly, I think the only way to make it work with young kids and escape constant stress and arguments with your partner are

A) if you have neighbours, friends or family who are able to help out for curriculum/sick days or school holidays

Or

B) If couples work opposing hours.

We also have no one to help out so I get where you are coming from and I also understand why you wouldn't want to upset your husband's boss when he earns a full time wage and you don't, it makes sense to protect his wage.

That being said, the odd sick day should be taken by him, even if only for the hours you work and then he goes back to work and if possible either starts early or works late to cover those hours.

Yes, but OP hasn't said that he works somewhere like that.

The main reason for him not to take time off seems to primarily be that he earns more money and therefore that his job is more important.