My father and inheritance.

[DadDilema]

To make this short my dad has had some health issues recently and it’s brought up talks about his will and inheritance.
I have 2 siblings, my DB has 2 children, and we have two children. So there are 4 grandchildren.

My dad has said that in the event one of us (his children) dies before his, he will not leave our share of inheritance to our children (his grandchildren) he said he’s not leaving anything to the grandchildren, and if one of us dies then it will be split between the remaining siblings.

We are all quite close and have good relationships, and he seemingly loves his grandchildren, but it’s really hurt me that if in the event that I die.. my children/family aren’t thought about.

obviously, it’s his money/estate and he can do as he pleases.. but it’s left me quite confused about why he wouldn’t want to leave anything to his grandkids.
DB feels the same, quite hurt and confused as to why he would go out of his way to exclude our children if one of us dies.

I don’t really know what my AIBU is, should I try and discuss it with him, to compromise - or am I expecting too much for my kids, since it’s his money?

obviously, it’s his money/estate and he can do as he pleases.. but it’s left me quite confused about why he wouldn’t want to leave anything to his grandkids.

theres no "obviously" about this. Despite what some of the MN collective often say, there is a good way of doing this inheritance stuff and there's a shabby, divisive way.

unless there's some huge backstory on this eg some siblings not being his actual children, your father should ensure his will doesn't create a dilemma, but quite frankly he sounds clueless. It will create bad feeling, it will create a dilemma at a time of loss. What he isn't allowing for is that, in the event of one of his children dying prematurely (ie before him), your family will all be grieving (including any children of the deceased parent) and having to process the loss of that sibling/parent, and meanwhile knowing they've been excluded from the will.

If you and your siblings are on good terms, the only thing you can all resolve to do is to ensure the children of the "potentially" deceased sibling are included by dividing the will as if the parent were alive and then ensuring the children receive the money. And don't tell him that's what you plan to do.

Doing the right thing is the only way of right-ing that wrong.

I can't imagine leaving out grandchildren in the event their parent had already died

Surely part of someone's inheritance includes money inherited before (so when DH and I die, the money our children will inherit is made of a chunk of the inheritance we've gained from our parents) so leaving out those grandchildren means they will be financially worse off?

Ultimately though I would hate the feeling that anyone felt we didn't care for them, and that's how Wills are thought of IMO. I wouldn't want I'll feeling after I've gone.

Different scenario, but I had a friend who met someone with 3 teenagers. They went on to have a child together. She was very open that their will favoured their child far far more - and I don't mean that he got half and his Dad shared his half 4 ways, it was much more than that. I just can't get my head around someone doing that without thinking of how the 3 older ones are going to feel? Are they going to still want a relationship with their sibling who has benefitted like this? As far as im aware, there's no money on their mums side either so that's not even the justification. My (ex) friend was very open of her dislike of her step children, and convinced her husband that they need to protect their DS more.

I just don't understand why people don't consider the impact of their will?