Page 5 | My father and inheritance.

DadDilema · 2023-01-31T09:43:27+00:00

To make this short my dad has had some health issues recently and it’s brought up talks about his will and inheritance. I have 2 siblings, my DB has 2 children, and we have two children. So there are 4 grandchildren. My dad has said that in the event one of us (his children) dies before his, he will not leave our share of inheritance to our children (his grandchildren) he said he’s not leaving anything to the grandchildren, and if one of us dies then it will be split between the remaining siblings. We are all quite close and have good relationships, and he seemingly loves his grandchildren, but it’s really hurt me that if in the event that I die.. my children/family aren’t thought about. obviously, it’s his money/estate and he can do as he pleases.. but it’s left me quite confused about why he wouldn’t want to leave anything to his grandkids. DB feels the same, quite hurt and confused as to why he would go out of his way to exclude our children if one of us dies. I don’t really know what my AIBU is, should I try and discuss it with him, to compromise - or am I expecting too much for my kids, since it’s his money?

ACynicalDad · 31/01/2023 16:48

I think he’s bonkers but not a great deal you can do.

ChildlessSis · 31/01/2023 16:50

@Hbh17
I genuinely do not get your point? He’s leaving the money to his daughter, unless she dies first in which her family will not get that money at all, her siblings will.
If she doesn't die, her kids will benefit from the money, obviously.

He intends it to be her money. So it is/will be her money. She wants it to go to her children if she dies. How is that unreasonable???? She's not complaining that he’s not giving her money, because he is, and is therefore giving it to both her and her children. But he’s withdrawing that money from her family if she dies. It's a very odd clause to make unless you have a problem with your grandchildren (which, considering they are toddlers, he does not).

Genevieva · 31/01/2023 16:51

It is normal for a will to have a cascading clause whereby the beneficiaries dependents would inherit if the beneficiary predeceases the testator.

cptartapp · 31/01/2023 16:51

slowingdownagain apologies

Rosei · 31/01/2023 16:55

plumduck · 31/01/2023 16:44

Because your mum wants to provide for her grandchildren. Maybe she could reduce your share accordingly or something but your children are individuals she cares about too.

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Yes I understand that. But she has equally gone between me, my brother and my kids and my opinion is that's not fair on my brother. But that's an opinion I've kept to myself because it's not my money or my decision. No one is "entitled" to anything.

Cosyblankets · 31/01/2023 17:29

The only beneficiary I've discussed my will with is my husband.

plumduck · 31/01/2023 17:32

Rosei · 31/01/2023 16:55

Yes I understand that. But she has equally gone between me, my brother and my kids and my opinion is that's not fair on my brother. But that's an opinion I've kept to myself because it's not my money or my decision. No one is "entitled" to anything.

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Yeah I see what you mean. I don't think it is unfair though. The family as a whole grew. It's not all about branches.

ChristmasCurry · 31/01/2023 17:44

Just agree a deed of variation with your siblings that if one of you dies then your share will be passed on to your children.

Of course this will have to be based on trust between you all to do so in the event one of you dies.

Rosei · 31/01/2023 18:06

plumduck · 31/01/2023 17:32

Yeah I see what you mean. I don't think it is unfair though. The family as a whole grew. It's not all about branches.

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Yes true. When the time comes, I will discuss with my brother. Don't want to have that conversation with my Mum as its all about her wishes, not mine x

TheDofS · 31/01/2023 20:05

Genevieva · 31/01/2023 16:51

It is normal for a will to have a cascading clause whereby the beneficiaries dependents would inherit if the beneficiary predeceases the testator.

Exactly!

Original poster

DadDilema · 31/01/2023 20:45

Im not saying I’m entitled to his money, he wants to leave me a share of the money and that’s what he’s intending to do. My issue is that the share he intends for me, will be written out and away from my children should I die before him.

if he left all his money to his wife, or a charity.. or spent it all before he died I wouldn’t feel entitled to anything. But if he’s leaving the money to me anyway, why is he excluding my children if I die, so they’ll see their cousins likely benefit from their parents share, but my children will be without.

OP posts:

Rosei · 31/01/2023 21:38

DadDilema · 31/01/2023 20:45

Im not saying I’m entitled to his money, he wants to leave me a share of the money and that’s what he’s intending to do. My issue is that the share he intends for me, will be written out and away from my children should I die before him.

if he left all his money to his wife, or a charity.. or spent it all before he died I wouldn’t feel entitled to anything. But if he’s leaving the money to me anyway, why is he excluding my children if I die, so they’ll see their cousins likely benefit from their parents share, but my children will be without.

But that won't happen because you've already discussed it and decided between yourselves that the children will be fine. So maybe just enjoy your father while he's still here....

burnoutbabe · 31/01/2023 21:59

But it may happen. The op's brother and sister may change their mind.

The op could die now and the father in 15 years time with the op's husband now (say) married again with more kids.

No guarantee the siblings will give up their inheritance to the current op's kids many years down the line.

AlmondBake · 31/01/2023 22:00

But that won't happen because you've already discussed it and decided between yourselves that the children will be fine. So maybe just enjoy your father while he's still here....

But money does strange things to people. An informal verbal agreement now is not as robust as a properly written will.

Confusednewmum1 · 31/01/2023 22:36

Strangely I have heard this before from my own grandmother. She doesn’t feel us as grandchildren should inherit. It came up recently - my grandfather has recently passed. She updated her will, like your father that only living children should inherit.

it’s raised a few eyebrows as my aunt died years ago and at Xmas my grandmother always gives £2k per child and always ensures my aunts 2K is split between her 2 kids. So up until now she has always acted fairly between siblings living or dead.

It’s too soon after my granddad passing to challenge as she’s fairly set in her ways. But your post has made me question if there has been lawyer advice given or a legal issue as it’s out of character and doesn’t align with things done in the past.

Foxywood · 01/02/2023 07:23

My DM gave money to DGCs - which meant it was split in twice as many ways - they were of an age when it went on cars mainly. I’d rather of put it to long term savings/ pension.

Foxywood · 01/02/2023 07:23

Rather have

ArcticSkewer · 01/02/2023 07:54

Slowingdownagain · 31/01/2023 10:07

This is normal in wills. If a person dies before the person who wrote the will it doesn't pass to their children, rather they just disappear from the calculation.

A lot of people saying this

No, it isn't the norm in wills. Normally it passes down that family line

rubberduckiee · 01/02/2023 07:59

I think it's odd too but one aspect is that any money would essentially be left to your partner, not quite your kids. It could be left in trust for the kids after they become adults, but you mentioned the main need would be as they were growing up. Before dying he could set conditions for its use by your partner but realistically will have to give your partner free rein to decide what is best for "family welfare" (even including holidays) etc. Not everyone wants their own money to go to a stranger, even if it will have a trickle down benefit for their own gc along the way. So he may have just decided to prioritise his own kids over external partners.

Cocochat · 01/02/2023 08:09

rubberduckiee · 01/02/2023 07:59

I think it's odd too but one aspect is that any money would essentially be left to your partner, not quite your kids. It could be left in trust for the kids after they become adults, but you mentioned the main need would be as they were growing up. Before dying he could set conditions for its use by your partner but realistically will have to give your partner free rein to decide what is best for "family welfare" (even including holidays) etc. Not everyone wants their own money to go to a stranger, even if it will have a trickle down benefit for their own gc along the way. So he may have just decided to prioritise his own kids over external partners.

Trusts can be independently run with the dp having to ask for funds from a solicitor for instance.

AlmondBake · 01/02/2023 08:10

I think it's odd too but one aspect is that any money would essentially be left to your partner, not quite your kids.

The money wouldn't be left to op's partner, it would go to her surviving siblings.

Slowingdownagain · 01/02/2023 08:13

Have you asked your dad why he is doing it like this?

Cocochat · 01/02/2023 08:14

My df had two dc in his will who were not fsmily but sc. One has predeceased him and his dc will not inherit as my df doesn’t know them at all.
Df specifically had the will altered to reflect this.
However if I died my dc would inherit my share.

I assume that my df will end up in a home as he’s struggling and none of us will get any money. Best way to think imo.
I give dc dribs and drabs of money as I can. Why leave it all to chance?

rubberduckiee · 01/02/2023 08:15

I'm very, very (professionally) familiar with how trusts work! That's why I mentioned them in the first place. There's still a limit to how much you can reasonably control especially when parental decisions come into it.

Cocochat · 01/02/2023 08:19

@rubberduckiee I see.
I have a family member who has to apply for funds every few months. It's quite strict.
It's for a vulnerable adult, not sure if that makes a difference.