My father and inheritance.

[DadDilema]

To make this short my dad has had some health issues recently and it’s brought up talks about his will and inheritance.
I have 2 siblings, my DB has 2 children, and we have two children. So there are 4 grandchildren.

My dad has said that in the event one of us (his children) dies before his, he will not leave our share of inheritance to our children (his grandchildren) he said he’s not leaving anything to the grandchildren, and if one of us dies then it will be split between the remaining siblings.

We are all quite close and have good relationships, and he seemingly loves his grandchildren, but it’s really hurt me that if in the event that I die.. my children/family aren’t thought about.

obviously, it’s his money/estate and he can do as he pleases.. but it’s left me quite confused about why he wouldn’t want to leave anything to his grandkids.
DB feels the same, quite hurt and confused as to why he would go out of his way to exclude our children if one of us dies.

I don’t really know what my AIBU is, should I try and discuss it with him, to compromise - or am I expecting too much for my kids, since it’s his money?

Surely if he wills the money to his immediate offspring they can then set up whatever arrangements they like re their children, his grandchildren?

I'm not seeing an issue.

Oh it is definitely odd. And if he died without a will but one of the siblings had died first, the intestacy rules would have left that siblings share to their own children if they had any.

I could complain that both DMIL & DF chose to bypass their respective DCs & bequeath nearly everything to their DGCs !
I don't, & didn't at the time, because it's their money.

But that’s dependent on the aunts and uncles actually doing that. In mine and my brother’s case, we haven’t heard a word from our aunt and uncle since our grandmother died.

Well you are not understanding it then, maybe read it again.

Exactly. Considering it’s the rules of intestacy it’s hardly ‘odd’.

No I think if no will it goes automatically to
children if intestate. If no children issued from deceased it goes to closest living relative(s).

I know of a man that had no Will and a fair pot of cash. No children and never married. The heir hunters (honest to god real people) had to find all his siblings of which only one was alive. He got his share, but the other other shares of the other siblings were split between their children (the nieces and nephews). So sibling one had one child, they got that siblings full share, sibling 3 had 3 children so his share split three ways etc

I think it’s when a will IS made that you have to specify it goes down the line. A niece beneficiary of another example I know in a written will had passed away but because the Will didn’t state it was to be passed down it didn’t go to her child!- it went back into the estate. However that could be not as black and white for children/grandchildren. I’m not too sure.

maybe op and her siblings would benefit from a solicitors advice? Maybe there’s some kinda legal thing that they could draw up that means the children could still benefit post probate from the will.

Ah ok, I see. Children are an exception to the rule that the beneficiary falls away. So it wouldn't e.g. go to OP's husband on her death, even if he was her beneficiary (under will or intestacy), but because they are her children it's an exception.

Also it depends how the will is drafted, e.g. if it is "divided between my children who are alive at the time of my death", apparently it wouldn't go to OP's kids.

Need to brush up on my wills and probate clearly! Interesting.

FWIW I can see why you find this upsetting, and it's difficutl to understand your dad's reasoning, but it's ulimately his money and he can leave it to whomever he sees fit.

This

Your friend is an awful, awful person.

Basically she happily took her siblings share and rather than thinking what her sibling would want (it go to her children) she stole it for herself. She will then presumably leave it to her children who both got the benefit of having a living mother and their cousins money.

If she really wanted to make things fair between the cousins then she should have killed herself the day her sibling died. Then all the kids could have the same money and no mother.

A lot of people don't leave inheritance to grandkids, I think you are making a fuss about a very hypothetical situation.

I think it’s all a mute point, you’ve already decided to split it with the grandchildren in the event one of you dies first so why raise with your sick DF. At the end of the day it’s his money.

My grandparents on both sides never included grandchildren in their wills, it was all split between the children with the exception of my mother (black sheep on her side) even though several of my dads siblings had died. No one took offence. But we don’t come from money nor do we expect or need financial help from anyone.

@Mumoftwoinprimary agreed!!

Exactly, which is what my aunt and uncle have done. My father would be very upset about it all. My brother and I lost him young and have had to carry that pain around for years, left without his emotional or financial support (which we didn’t expect but he offered it and would have continued to do so had he survived). Meanwhile my wealthy cousins received a share, still have their parents and will receive a further share when their parents die.

Yes, my grandmother was free to do whatever she liked with her money, but disinheriting two of her grandchildren who’d lost their father was a shitty thing to do and we are left feeling like she didn’t love us. If she loved us why would she exclude us?

Not with children it isn't. It normally passes to grandchildren if their parent predeceased so that each branch of the family is treated the same.

OP just ask him and see if he's considered the fact that one branch would miss out. He might just not have thought about it in that way. Better to be open than harbour resentment for something that might never happen.

This is writing a will to directly avoid one of the rules of leaving money to someone who dies before you.

If it's not mentioned (£50k to friend Fred) the gift fails if Fred dead unless it says £50k to fred, or his kids if he dies first.

The only time it is different is that if it says £50k to son bob, it will go to Bob or bobs issue (kids) if he dies first.

So you don't need to write anything extra for that to happen. You would need to write extra for it not to happen. Which would mean you had considered it and clearly decided not to help grandkids. So pretty upsetting for them/you.

Yes you can vary the Will anyway when he dies but only if anyone affected agrees. And of course at that stage you'd be gone so it would be 2 remaining siblings possibly discussing it 10 years with spouse of dead sibling who they may not have seen for a while (may have remarried etc). Ie not the close family it once was.

They see it as their job to leave their money to their kids, and your job to leave your money to yours.

Yes but if OP happened to die young, she’s not had much of a chance to accumulate much money to pass down.

And I don’t get why childlesssis would be disadvantaged? Because if she happened to die, her siblings then get a better deal than she would if one of the other siblings died?! It would be a cold hearted person who was bitter about that (very cold hearted in fact, since they’d be dead before it could possibly even happen!)

I think it’s a very odd thing to do.

I’ve got too much time on my hands, and yes it isn’t how I would write my will. The most painful situation likely is when two grandchildren benefit but the other two don’t.

The oddest situation, I find, however, is if the child without children outlives the other two and inherits 100%. Then 100% of that money could go that child’s spouse, the local wildlife sanctuary or childless child’s carehome fees rather than stay in the family, despite 4 other living relatives.

So you're saying.... if i outlive them all I'll be super duper rich? Interesting

Outlive the bugger. Look both ways before crossing the road.

Not correct. Me and DB inherited my dad's car share of an inheritance when he pre-deceased his aunt.

Hope he spends it on himself because its his money.
He should enjoy it while alive.

This is why MN should have an edit function. Read the rest of the thread, I realised I was wrong. This is the 5th post pointing that out. 👌

Because your mum wants to provide for her grandchildren. Maybe she could reduce your share accordingly or something but your children are individuals she cares about too.

Why do people think that anyone has a right to inherit someone else's money, FFS? I hope this gentleman leaves everything to charity!
Moral of these threads for the rest of us: never discuss your will with anyone other than a solicitor. The beneficiaries will find out once the estate is distributed, which is soon enough.