This isn't an aibu but I've nowhere else to turn to.
My DS is 12, turning 13 this summer, and I am at my wits end. He is about 5ft3 and built - so not a small child - and this is relevant.
For as long as I can remember he will blow up over the smallest things. By blow up I mean shout, scream, throw things, refuse to do things and so on.
The older he's become the worse it has become - he can become verbally hurtful and aggressive, often 'squaring up' to adults but never getting physical.
He has refused to attend school because his hair won't sit the way he wants and there is nothing I can do. He is too big for me to move, I cannot drag him out the house. If he refuses then he refuses.
His attitude and behaviour to being asked to do things or when he is spoken to about how he speaks to others is disgusting. He shrugs, walks away, rolls his eyes, mimics etc and then eventually storms off.
He lies constantly to family and friends, sneaks food, takes care of nothing (constantly leaving platea and rubbish in his room, not putting clothes away, everything left at his bum).
He can be vile to his grandparents too.
At the weekend he threatened to leave the house because he was told he couldn't go out. I had to move away from the door and he barged out, no phone or jacket, and off he went. He eventually went to my parents house but my heart was in my mouth trying to track him down.
He's moved school recently (less than a month) and I have had 1 email, 1 phone call and a visit all because of his behaviour. He is a bright boy but this is being overlooked constantly.
We take his phone from him, we stop him going out with friends, we "ground" him essentially as a result of his actions and there is no change to his behaviour.
I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells. Just now he has tripped the fuse because he "needs" to straighten his hair before bed and then in the morning. His straighteners have stopped working as a result and he's already started the "I'm not going to school" tomorrow nonsense. I got a mouthful of abuse when I told him you don't need to do your hair before bed and in the morning.
We are all so done. The slightest thing and he kicks off ridiculously. We have consequences and they don't work. I am verbally abused every single day. I am scared he will snap one day and physically assault myself or his step-dad. I am scared he will run away from home.
I know that there has been some trauma, especially regarding his dad (not physical or sexual) and this may be resulting in some his behaviour. However this behaviour has also existed long before these issues.
We've told school but he isn't engaging with them.
We've approached the GP and they've just said it's not an issue.
At his choice he has no contact with his own dad.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm convinced there is more to it than just being a horrible person but there is nowhere to go, no one to help.
I already know that tomorrow morning it's going to be awful and I can't face it.