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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this hen do?

79 replies

Nucsd · 30/01/2023 21:20

There are about 25 of us going abroad for three nights for a hen do.

One of the bridesmaids messaged the group to give us instructions about dress themes. She said we're all to wear bright colours on night two. Another hen suggested all black with only the hen in colour. She was told no, the bride wouldn't want people in black. Bridesmaid reiterated bright colours, and 'banned' anyone from wearing black. Two women have said they are wearing black and that is that, and it's become quite the argument.

Who is BU?

YABU - Everyone should do as BM asks. It won't hurt anyone to wear colour instead of black.

YANBU - Bridesmaid should drop the themes and let people wear whatever they want.

And yes, it's very petty, and no, it isn't that biggest thing any of us have to worry about.

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 30/01/2023 21:24

The deal is if you have to wear bright colours on the hen do then you can wear white to the wedding.

Swiftswatch · 30/01/2023 21:26

At the end of the day it’s just such a non issue either way. I can’t imagine getting this worked up about being asked to wear a bright colour.

Willynuts · 30/01/2023 21:26

I absolutely hate having dress codes/themes dictated for this kind of shit.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/01/2023 21:26

It’s a night out, why does anybody need a theme? Just let people wear what they’re comfortable with!

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 30/01/2023 21:27

And this is why I decline any invitations to this form of hell.

Paq · 30/01/2023 21:29

It all sounds very teenager-y. Assuming you are all grown women you can wear what you like.

Original poster
Nucsd · 30/01/2023 21:29

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 30/01/2023 21:27

And this is why I decline any invitations to this form of hell.

It is indeed a form of Hell. Sadly there is no getting out of it for me.

OP posts:
blackbeardsballsack · 30/01/2023 21:29

Everyone is already paying a fortune to go abroad, taking annual leave, sorting child care and dog sitters....are enforced dress codes not a bit much to ask?

Thatiswild · 30/01/2023 21:30

Any colour apart from black…no! I’m wearing black! Why are people so deliberately awkward?! Just wear what you want - it’s such a silly thing to argue over. The bride won’t care what they’re wearing I’m sure - especially if it causes arguments!

WFHbore2023 · 30/01/2023 21:30

Just go with it.

I went on a hen last year / first night we all had to wear black. Brides mum's friend wore a khaki top.

Stuck out like a sore thumb in photos etc

Dacadactyl · 30/01/2023 21:30

Just wear bright colours. Why dig heels in over it?

Thatiswild · 30/01/2023 21:31

@neverknowinglyunreasonable haha lol!! Someone will be along to dispute your fabulous username soon enough…😆

Original poster
Nucsd · 30/01/2023 21:34

Just to be clear, I am neither the insistent bridesmaid nor the aggrieved wearers of black.

I don't really care, although I am finding the arguments mildly entertaining. I will wear colours and the other multiple themes, but I do think it's all over the top and ridiculous to insist on dress codes for grown women. I am dreading the whole thing.

OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/01/2023 21:37

Nah it's absolutely no hardship to make some effort for a beloved friends hen party.

If I was told to come dressed in a certain colour I'd make the effort. Probably wouldn't buy anything new but would do my best. I wouldn't outright refuse to do it at all unless I found it offensive.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 30/01/2023 21:41

I wonder about the people who think these things up. Are they 12?

rampila · 30/01/2023 21:41

Nucsd · 30/01/2023 21:34

Just to be clear, I am neither the insistent bridesmaid nor the aggrieved wearers of black.

I don't really care, although I am finding the arguments mildly entertaining. I will wear colours and the other multiple themes, but I do think it's all over the top and ridiculous to insist on dress codes for grown women. I am dreading the whole thing.

YABVV unreasonable.... if you don't keep us all updated please about how this saga is developing GrinConfused
Sounds like a bit of a 'mare to be honest. Keep out of the argument if you can, drink cocktails and watch the whole thing implode.
To be honest if you're all going abroad it's poss quite an expense for some people. I can see how people would be annoyed to be told what to wear if they usually like black.
Just take care, OP, I don't think this will be the last bridesmaid request......

plumduck · 30/01/2023 21:42

Can you not just wear what you want

Tinkerbyebye · 30/01/2023 21:42

I would wear what I want to, they can’t stop me

not that I would be going in the first place

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 30/01/2023 21:43

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 30/01/2023 21:41

I wonder about the people who think these things up. Are they 12?

Ah so because you don't think it sounds fun they must be immature children?

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 30/01/2023 21:47

I'm an adult and I've been able to choose my own clothes for several decades now. Like fuck would I be pandering to someone else's colour scheme, making myself feel uncomfortable in the process. I wear a lot of black, as is my choice.

bluemooooon · 30/01/2023 21:51

We had to wear black on a hen do, I didn't mind to be honest ! But the moh and her bloody itinerary 🙄🙄 such a pain in the arse !! Even the bride didn't give a shit about any of it

RaiseTheStakesAndMakeTheLastWordDuckhead · 30/01/2023 21:52

Rarely am I this invested in a thread.

NashvilleQueen · 30/01/2023 21:53

What are the other themes??

NeedToChangeName · 30/01/2023 21:55

Oh I think this will be the hen weekend that keeps on giving. Please keep us updated with future daft requests

Bright colours is quite an easy dress code, so I'd probably comply, but I can understand why it might irritate others, and you can't tell grown adults what they can wear

Tilllly · 30/01/2023 21:56

Tell them all to wear bright coloured bikinis...

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