About this hen do?

[Nucsd]

There are about 25 of us going abroad for three nights for a hen do.

One of the bridesmaids messaged the group to give us instructions about dress themes. She said we're all to wear bright colours on night two. Another hen suggested all black with only the hen in colour. She was told no, the bride wouldn't want people in black. Bridesmaid reiterated bright colours, and 'banned' anyone from wearing black. Two women have said they are wearing black and that is that, and it's become quite the argument.

Who is BU?

YABU - Everyone should do as BM asks. It won't hurt anyone to wear colour instead of black.

YANBU - Bridesmaid should drop the themes and let people wear whatever they want.

And yes, it's very petty, and no, it isn't that biggest thing any of us have to worry about.

I was ready to say YABU, and annoying as the colour theme is, the people insisting on wearing black and just being deliberately awkward, and making the whole thing MUCH WORSE….

But then I read this ^^ post, and I realise they’ve just reached ‘peak theme’, and they can’t take any more, and I fully sympathise.

Sounds desperate.

Please tell me that you're going to Lanzarote. You could have matching pink t-shirts made with "Lasses in Lanzo 23" one the front.

I am too close to the bride to not go on her hen do without it seeming very weird and like a snub. I would love to be able to get out of it.

Quite frankly, if my sister, daughter, or longest standing friend was the bride, I'd still have said "No thanks, it's not for me" and carried on with my life.

But clearly we are different people.

I do agree with the pp who said this is going to be picked up by the trashy papers whose writers have no scruples. Whereas it is annoying when thread get pulled, If I were you I'd ask MNHQ to take this down as it is very outing and is going to get back to those involved very quickly (esp with 25 of you on the Group Chat, even before the tabloids get there).

If there was ever a time to wheel out the Covid / broken ankle / dying relative excuse, this would be it for me!

This is why I dislike themes, they'll never suit everyone. If you're going to have a theme it has to be something 'mild' or something each person can go as far or as little as they like.
Here's a suggestion...if the theme is rainbow colours just get some garlands and sashes. The two in the black dress can accessorise more maybe bright coloured shoes/bag...so not too funerally or black tie.

As a grown woman, anyone telling me what outfit I had to wear for a night out I’d agreed to come on at a great expense, would be getting told to fuck right off

God, so low-class.

This post has made me warm to the whole thing.

*I went on a hen last year / first night we all had to wear black. Brides mum's friend wore a khaki top.

Stuck out like a sore thumb in photos etc*

Haha, good for her!

Bloody hell. What is it about getting married that makes people turn into such entitled princesses (or in this case entitled princess bridesmaid). Madness to make people spend so much or have extra hassle for a hen. Are you allowed to choose your own pants or is that a theme too?

Insisting that people should wear a specific colour to a bloody hen party is absolutely ridiculous and the organisers need to grow up. People should be allowed to wear whatever colour they feel good in - or more to the point, whatever colour they have an existing outfit in so that they don't have spend yet more money on special outfits on top of the ridiculous amount of money they're already being expected to spend on three nights abroad.

I went to a hen weekend where there was a casual day time activity on the Saturday and the bridesmaid insisted everyone wore pink. I look shit in pink (my mum will actually admit that she never dressed me in pink even as a baby because it doesn't suit me). 95% of my wardrobe is black. Consequently I had to buy a pink top specially for the occasion which I hated wearing and felt self-conscious and uncomfortable in all day and which went straight to the charity shop after that one afternoon.

Also, I was the only person that the bride even noticed was wearing pink. She said 'Wow, that's a departure from your usual style!' and didn't notice that everyone else was in pink until it was actually pointed out to her about two hours later. So basically pointless!

I would not join in with this shit with anyone telling me what I can’t wear.

TBH on my hen do I was quite adamant that people could wear what the hell they wanted as I didn't want anyone to be out of pocket having to buy particular clothes. It was more important to me that my friends were there, not what they were wearing!

Let's be honest, most requests at hen dos are ideas dreamt up by the chief bridesmaid and have nothing to do with what the bride might want

See, I would struggle to do 'no black' without going shopping.

I don't have 'going out' dresses anymore - weddings/funerals/workwear, yes but not 'out with mates' because my friends don't do that sort of 'out'.

I don't wear jeans.

My only none black pair of trousers is grey, and also no night-out suitable.

so, as a perfectly normal woman with clothes in a massive range of colours, I couldn't comply with a 'no black' request without spending. And after shelling out for that kind of trip, I wouldn't.

I had a night out with my friends. So did my sister, not that long ago.

"And we apparently have to find a dress under £10 from sales and charity shops for the last day."

That's the one I might not do. I have seen some summer dresses on sale in the Very for under £10, though. Unless I'm dressed for the venue, I'm just not comfortable. It's when people insist on white, I just don't go.

Everything @Zwicky said tbh. Protesting this seemingly small thing is most likely the straw that's broke the camels back.

Regarding the suit, perhaps the groom is Barney Stinson 😉

Could there be a compromise. Black dress but bright accessories/jacket? I have a friend who loves a theme at any opportunity, we all just go along with the bossy mare coz we love her!

Suit jackets on evening, because DH to be wears suits a lot.

😂
Ooh! And everyone has to have EYES because the groom has eyes, and...

Majority of hen dos these days are not cheap so unless I had a bright coloured outfit in the wardrobe I would not be going out and buying one especially if I knew I would never wear it again.
99% of my wardrobe is dark colours so I definitely wouldn’t get the wear out of it.

I agree. Don't know what I'd do with bright coloured dress after that? You can try selling on vinted, but still, it's waste of money. It's not about fun anymore, more about showing off, "making memories" and posting on SM 😕

This sounds like Hell. Only if she is paying can she dictate.

That sounds hideous. I'm still recovering from a hen do where we were expected to buy one matching novelty item (fast fashion destined for landfill).

I'm imagining you'll look like the female contestants in the Apprentice (and maybe the male ones on suit jacket day).

But also please do keep us posted on how this all develops!