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AIBU?

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Original poster

Daughters birthday and one friend is vegan

157 replies

Blueflag22 · 30/01/2023 20:45

My daughter 9 yes old wants me to order a vegan cake for her birthday party for a friend that is vegan?? I'm going to spend a fair bit on this cake and honestly I'm not vegan neither is anyone else, just one of he friends is. What do I do? buy some vegan cupcakes separately? Should that be rude?

OP posts:
theescapeladder · 30/01/2023 22:47

Thebestwaytoscareatory · 30/01/2023 22:22

Quite right! No cake for the vegan child!

Let's hope the OP also helps the other non-vegan children understand the consequences of their "choices" by slaughtering a pig in front of them to make some sausage rolls.

Show quote history

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Scottishskifun · 30/01/2023 22:48

Oggs vegan cakes are brilliant they have cupcakes, small cakes or chocolate fudge mini cakes. I would just get one of them and order the cake as normal.
I'm not vegan but DS1 has a few friends with dairy,soya or egg allergies and they are brilliant

jtaeapa · 30/01/2023 22:52

LuciferRising · 30/01/2023 22:36

Maybe learn from your daughter?

The thing is that the daughter may actually be trying to suck up to a queen bee type. So it may not be entirely the daughter's wish, to have a vegan cake. It might just be what she thinks she should do to impress the vegan girl.

I think the OP needs to understand why her non vegan dd wants a vegan cake.

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 30/01/2023 22:55

OP I can post a fantastic homemade vegan cake recipe if you like - it has never failed. I've been vegan for 9 years and have always made vegan birthday cakes for my DC. I never mention it to anyone (obv my kids know but to them it's normal) and the cake always gets demolished, so I can only assume it is good. My adult friends once asked me to bring the cake back out of the car because I'd assumed they'd only eaten it to be polite - no, they wanted seconds 😂

Ncgirlseriously · 30/01/2023 23:01

Vegan food has come on in leaps and bounds the last few years. I’m not vegan but my sister is so we have vegan food when we visit her, and she’s done lovely cakes in the past. I think a vegan cake would be fine.

inky1991 · 30/01/2023 23:09

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 30/01/2023 20:48

People will definitely notice a vegan cake. Get separate cupcakes or an apple.

An apple 😂

BlueWhippets · 30/01/2023 23:14

How're people so confident that they would be able to tell if a cake was vegan or not?? My (non vegan) friend had a vegan wedding cake and didn't tell anyone and no one knew. The only issue is when you get a bad quality vegan cake then people will know it doesn't taste good but the same applies for a bad quality non vegan cake. Plus they're 9 I'm sure as long as it's a cake they'll be happy!

jamimmi · 30/01/2023 23:56

Daughter sounds very caring. But vegan cake is different . What would u do if you had a gluten free child? Cupcakes all the way. That's what normally happens for my gluten free dd. It's fine.

faffadoodledo · 31/01/2023 07:30

Get a vegan cake like your DD requested. She's being a caring friend, and no one will notice.
I can't believe anyone would tie themselves in knots thinking through such a simple request! It'll cost the same, or near as dammit.
If you get a cake and vegan cupcakes it'll cost more.

LuciferRising · 31/01/2023 08:57

Vegan cake, is still just cake. It generally isn't that big a deal, especially amongst younger generations. It's the older generations that still believe you need to consume animal products every single time food passes your lips that have the issue. Generally ill-informed.

mummabubs · 31/01/2023 09:22

One of my close friends spent hours making the most beautiful two-tiered Bluey vegan cake for her daughter's 4th birthday party, as one of the kids attending was vegan and she wanted to be inclusive.

This cake was stunning, positively "Instagram worthy". It tasted revolting and most of the kids and adults left it. She said afterwards she really wished she hadn't bothered and had just made her usual sponge and bought a cupcake for the kid who couldn't eat the main cake. 🤦🏻‍♀️

ItsNotReallyChaos · 31/01/2023 09:30

So many posters are saying it's fine to get a vegan cake as no one will realise. It's fine to get a vegan cake but it's also important that everyone knows that it is a vegan cake.

It's really important if we create a 'something' from alternative ingredients to the classic ingredients that we make sure this is known.

A lot of vegan 'meat' would see me in hospital as I have a severe allergy to chickpeas and every single plant-based meat would at the very least make me unwell for a few days due to a milder soya allergy.

This is not a judgment on vegan eating. I cook vegan meals myself but they're made from scratch using basic ingredients and look like a plate of vegetables and grains in some form.

It's problematic if it becomes a sport to see if we can feed plant-based substitutes for foods to people without them noticing just as it would be a problem for me to make a vegetable soup using bone broth and give it to a vegetarian as they might not notice.

Slowingdownagain · 31/01/2023 09:33

I'd buy some vegan cupcakes. We had similar for DD's birthday with a child with gluten intolerance. I had seperate cupcakes and food for her.

Slowingdownagain · 31/01/2023 09:34

ItsNotReallyChaos · 31/01/2023 09:30

So many posters are saying it's fine to get a vegan cake as no one will realise. It's fine to get a vegan cake but it's also important that everyone knows that it is a vegan cake.

It's really important if we create a 'something' from alternative ingredients to the classic ingredients that we make sure this is known.

A lot of vegan 'meat' would see me in hospital as I have a severe allergy to chickpeas and every single plant-based meat would at the very least make me unwell for a few days due to a milder soya allergy.

This is not a judgment on vegan eating. I cook vegan meals myself but they're made from scratch using basic ingredients and look like a plate of vegetables and grains in some form.

It's problematic if it becomes a sport to see if we can feed plant-based substitutes for foods to people without them noticing just as it would be a problem for me to make a vegetable soup using bone broth and give it to a vegetarian as they might not notice.

Disagree with this.

If you have an allergy so severe it will put you in hospital you have to let the host know that. It's not up to the host to disclose the basis that everything is made. the vast majority of people have no issue with the ingredients in a vegan cake.

WinterFoxes · 31/01/2023 09:36

There are some incredible vegan brownie recipes out there. Why not make a big vegan chocolate brownie traybake and serve with icecream for most and vegan icecream for that friend.

DS's girlfriend is vegan. She has converted me. She is a brilliant baker and everything she bakes tastes nicer than the original.

WandaWomblesaurus · 31/01/2023 09:38

Vegan cupcakes that you can put around the cake would be lovely. A vegan main cake will not be lovely. From experience, vegan icing is horrible. The butter is partly what makes a cake gorgeous.

NibbledSwitch · 31/01/2023 09:44

DottieUncBab · 30/01/2023 21:29

Sainsburys do a vegan chocolate cake for birthdays now and it’s lovely

This
Sainsburys plant pioneers do cakes that are so lovely that no one would need to question if they are vegan or not.

All this nonsense about vegan cakes not tasting as good, being expensive, filled with dodgy substitutes is just a load of judgy twattish bollocks.

WandaWomblesaurus · 31/01/2023 09:44

@jtaeapa this is so true. The vegan friend that dd had was incredibly controlling at meal times. One evening when they were about ten, we had arranged for her to come over and dd was beside herself trying to make sure the food was right. Almost having a meltdown because she was worried that the nachos had something non vegan in them. Vegan friend came over, talking through the whole meal about being vegan. Then VF hardly ate any of it and instead pulled a bag of vegan sweets from her bag; ate the lot and then kept dd up all night taking about herself. GrinGrinGrin

Elsiebear90 · 31/01/2023 09:45

Why are people so ridiculous when it comes to vegan food? It’s like people make a point out of being difficult as soon as they hear the word vegan. Just get a vegan cake, they won’t notice the difference. My friend’s mum has an egg and dairy allergy so she makes all of her baking vegan and not one person has been able to tell the difference.

Hillarious · 31/01/2023 09:54

My go-to vegan cake recipe contains flour, sugar, oil, baking powder, water and can be flavoured with lemon, coffee, cocoa, orange, blueberries, Earl Grey tea, vanilla, etc. No obscure ingredients there.

I think my grouchy father-in-law may have written most of the comments on here about vegan food not being proper. Notwithstanding those with allergies, but some of you must have had some bad dining experiences, or perhaps you've just not discovered Bosh!

TrollMunter · 31/01/2023 09:56

My children are vegan and we’re always very grateful for any alternative provided but it’s really extra special when they can share what everyone else is having. It makes them not different, they don’t have to field questions etc. I normally also bring my own just in case we have one of the charmers catering who suggested an apple.

Beautiful3 · 31/01/2023 09:59

I've bought a pack of 2 vegan cupcakes from morrisons.They do lemon and chocolate. I wouldn't make everything vegan, because it doesn't taste as nice. Just buy a vegan meal deal and those cupcakes, for the vegan child.

NibbledSwitch · 31/01/2023 10:01

Did you know ... a lot of supermarket doughnuts are naturally vegan.

People happily eat them, no questions asked.

However, if you buy an almost identical doughnut that is labelled 'vegan', a proportion of people turn their noses up and act like big babies refusing to eat the 'vegan food'.

Regularsizedrudy · 31/01/2023 10:02

GreaterStickle · 30/01/2023 20:48

I wouldn’t be ordering a vegan cake. If she’s made the choice to be vegan she can learn early the consequences of doing so.

Yeah fuck that kid for trying to not destroy the planet 🙄

FlyingPandas · 31/01/2023 10:21

jtaeapa · 30/01/2023 22:52

The thing is that the daughter may actually be trying to suck up to a queen bee type. So it may not be entirely the daughter's wish, to have a vegan cake. It might just be what she thinks she should do to impress the vegan girl.

I think the OP needs to understand why her non vegan dd wants a vegan cake.

Show quote history

This was my first thought too. Is the DD being a kind, caring friend and genuinely wanting to be inclusive? Is vegan girl a nice girl and doing veganism for the right reasons? (By which I mean - is she vegan for health, moral or environmental reasons, which is genuinely admirable, or simply because she thinks it's 'cool' and 'the in thing', which is really not?)

Or is the DD in awe of the vegan friend and desperate to please her/scared of being excluded from things if she doesn't do as vegan girl says?

Only the OP knows the answer to this. If the former then no-brainer - go for a vegan cake. A good vegan baker can make an amazing cake. But if the latter than I would tread cautiously - definitely source an alternative for the vegan girl, but encourage the DD not to pander. Which I realise is easier said than done.