No judgement please...

[onedayatatym]

Have been speaking to someone for a couple of days, met yesterday. He was responsive, the only off putting thing was he called me non stop at certain times of the day:

• met and the attraction and vibe between both was there
• I had a room booked as was potentially staying over - so we went to it

So he tells me that he is a virgin, I'm 32 and he's 28. Obviously he knows I've been in relationships and I am not a virgin, he has too but no penetrative sex involved for him.

Long story short, after lots of touching and kissing he asked me to go further. I asked multiple times whether he was sure. He was fine and we did.

Afterwards he tells me he is seeing a therapist for PTSD, due to a traumatic mentally abusive previous relationship. He starts panicking and saying it hasn't sunk in etc etc. I can't believe I'm not a virgin anymore, what have I done...

We eat, he goes home and he messages me a lot later to ask if I got home. I'm very cool calm and collected. I've also suffered majorly abusive relationships but I'm 100% a stronger person now.

He then goes on to say it still hasn't sunken in, and I responded with, what do you think will happen when it does? His reply was he will become depressed and erratic. At this point I'm thinking what on earth,,. So I say good night and this morning there has been zero contact.

I'm not sure how do deal with it, shall I cut off clean or just give it a minute?

I was immediately thinking he's used the "I'm a virgin" line on you to get you to sleep with him but the more I read the story and your other posts the more I think it sounds more like he's quite vulnerable in this area and I'm not sure sleeping with him was a good idea on your part (Reverse the roles and I'm sure posters would be throwing harsh words your way) but I also don't think you saw this coming or planned it. So what's done is done.

Going forward, I'd treat him with kid gloves but let him go as gently yet firmly as possible, because he doesn't sound ready for a relationship especially a sexual one, whatever the reason.

How would he react if this ends up in the daily fail? Just wondering.

Also thinking Paul the wine guy haha!

sounds like a pack of lies

Get him to fuck. You are not his counsellor.

The hills!

Run for them.

He sounds poss bipolar. I dated a virgin. We went all the way but after a month and then he became erratic and clingy. He guilt tripped me into staying with him for a least a few months longer than I would have saying I took his virginity. He was definitely inexperienced.
He seems hung up on his ex. Maybe he feels guilt he slept with someone besides her?

I'd be more concerned about your judgement here than anything else.

Not only did you sleep with this man, you're still engaging in a full-blown conversation with him despite the banner of red flags flying everywhere.

Why did you go home if you'd booked the room to stay overnight?

Were you worried he might return to it?

This is exactly what I'm thinking, he's still infatuated with her after the way she treated him - so feels like he's done her wrong.

If you really took his virginity at 28, why isn't he more grateful?

I didn't feel comfortable being there, after he had told me that he was having therapy and had ptsd - then continued go speak about his ex. Made me feel a little icky to go back. He told me most of this over dinner, which was way later.

@onedayatatym do you want to extract yourself from this situation? Yes or no?

Because your texts to him are fueling the fire and are not coming across as you wanting to end it.

We told not to give him reasons he can argue against. He doesn't have to agree or approve of your reasons. No is no. You are the one who I still engaging him and arguing with him when you could simply say "sorry, i'm out" and block him.

Exactly. The text exchange was both unnecessary and ridiculous.

I'd tell him you're done because you don't want to traumatise him further. Then stop responding (or block).

He'll know it's not just a "hit it and quit it" move incase it gets him stalking you or something for ghosting him after having sex with him.

🤔

Why do you ask? Maybe because it sounds a load of bollocks 😁😁😁😁

He's also going to phoning you constantly to hardly contacting you after you slept with him - until you promoted it.

I wouldn't be overly worried about hurting his feelings at all as he's not being particularly respectful. Just block and move on

This in spades!

I just think he genuinely needs help, mentally. Not my job. So no, I don't feel bad and won't allow myself to feel that way.

I mean this kindly but raise your standards

If you're not enjoying it, OP, it's time to stop playing. As you've been advised multiple times in this thread. Time for you to choose.

Back away now!!

I'm not playing and there's no longer any contact. Im not thriving in this situation.

I’d block.

He’s a grown man, whether he’s now coming across as vulnerable and unstable, how were you to know. His laughing emojis are very odd if he’s distraught (or meant to be).

It’s no good lamenting his lost virginity now for god sake. He’s 28.

"He's" just posted.