No judgement please...

[onedayatatym]

Have been speaking to someone for a couple of days, met yesterday. He was responsive, the only off putting thing was he called me non stop at certain times of the day:

• met and the attraction and vibe between both was there
• I had a room booked as was potentially staying over - so we went to it

So he tells me that he is a virgin, I'm 32 and he's 28. Obviously he knows I've been in relationships and I am not a virgin, he has too but no penetrative sex involved for him.

Long story short, after lots of touching and kissing he asked me to go further. I asked multiple times whether he was sure. He was fine and we did.

Afterwards he tells me he is seeing a therapist for PTSD, due to a traumatic mentally abusive previous relationship. He starts panicking and saying it hasn't sunk in etc etc. I can't believe I'm not a virgin anymore, what have I done...

We eat, he goes home and he messages me a lot later to ask if I got home. I'm very cool calm and collected. I've also suffered majorly abusive relationships but I'm 100% a stronger person now.

He then goes on to say it still hasn't sunken in, and I responded with, what do you think will happen when it does? His reply was he will become depressed and erratic. At this point I'm thinking what on earth,,. So I say good night and this morning there has been zero contact.

I'm not sure how do deal with it, shall I cut off clean or just give it a minute?

I wouldn't just ghost him, he sounds a little odd, and i think you need to be clear "this isn't working for me at all" otherwise you may end up with a stalker

None of this makes sense.

So either he's having you on, or you're having us on, OP.

You're right, I'm doing this now. As I don't want an open door for him to come and blame for his troubles. God knows what erratic means

He sounds mentally troubled and potentially dangerous. I would run and fast.

So I messaged him saying I'm not ready for this, and don't want to be messed around. He's replied back saying I'm not messing you around, if I was I would have blocked you 🤷🏽‍♀️ what kind of thing is that to say to someone.

Well it could be true or he could be an impulsive liar. Either way I'd block and move on.

IMO saying im
not ready for this is too ambiguous.
how about saying nice to meet you but I do not want to pursue a friendship or romantic relationship with you. Good bye. Good luck.

Really? He sounds like a stalker and a pathological liar. Hardly good teaching material

No you say "sorry, this is not working for me but I wish you the best of luck"

Then you block and delete before he manages to manipulate you and draw you into endless negotiations

So I messaged him saying I'm not ready for this, and don't want to be messed around.

Oh behave yourself!

You seriously sent him a message that opened up a window for him to reply with, 'I promise I won't mess you around' or similar?

"Thanks for last night, however I feel we're not compatible. Good luck in any future relationships - onedayatatym".

That would've done it.

Run

He sounds unstable. Run

This.

I think your message was a bit too open door.

Honestly, just make it clear this isn’t the relationship for you, wish him well, don’t block him immediately incase he wants to respond which will hopefully be an agreement so will hopefully feel he has closure and won’t try and contact by other means (if he has them). Leave it a few days and block. But if he gets arsey straight away, block immediately.

And then leave hotel rooms well alone for first dates with not very well known strangers.

This.

None of it sounds true.

I think he's lying and unhinged.

Long term relationship but didn't shag her but she abused him. Meets you once and shags you? Did he seem like a Virgin in the sack,

A man who calls you non stop accuses his ex of doing exactly that to him. Right. It’s hugely likely it was him doing it to her.

id block him now. He’s a problem. And it could get worse. To be fair it could have been worse at the time, he could have been violent in the room. But he could escalate now.

do not interact with him further.

He definitely didn't seem like he was experienced. Unless he was faking it? I can't tell anymore.

So our last messages:

Me: I think you’re a little hung up on your ex

Him: Lol fuck knows, jus thinkin about ny virginity
🤣

Ngl

I feel soooo shit

Me: Just think it’s a little childish to be honest, you and many other men lose it

It’s not like I didn’t ask you, I made sure you were sure. You make a decision, you deal with the consequences like a man

God knows what’s going through your mind right now, but I’m going to leave you to it

Honestly op. Stop now. Stop winding him up.

First time sex with a new partner is, in my experience, generally a little bit shit and awkward no matter how experienced they are! It is sounding more and more like he's played you

How am I winding him up? His responses have laughing emojis and lol involved. He doesn't seem wound up to me.

You're not winding him up but people on MN have a habit of making things up.

What is wrong with you?

You seem to be enjoying this catastrophofuck

Disengage. As you have been advised to

Or continue to dick about with a frankly massively unstable individual

The fact you're both teachers is disturbing

You're accusing him of being childish and yet you sent those texts?

End it like an adult, block and move on.

He is a member of the God Squad?

I still maintain that he’s full of shit and a liar (which, to be honest, is the best scenario here).