Re blended family and finances

131 replies

lovemedough · 29/01/2023 06:32

My bf and I have been together 3 years ish, we bought a house together about a year ago. I have 2 kids that are with us 75% of the time, he has one kid who is with us maybe 25% of the time.

We are generally happy , kids get along all is good apart from issues around money.

We earn roughly the same but i get a decent amount of child support from my ex each month.

A couple of times per month, I take my kids on days out, sometimes a night away as well as weekends away plus a couple of holidays per year. He can't afford to do this. I can't afford to pay for him and his kid to join us.

He has complained about how divisive he finds the situation and how he feels it's unfair on his kid...

I don't want to give up my adventures with my kids, we have a great time.

Partner is terrible With money. ( always seems to have enough to go out with friends though ...)

So AIBU ?
Should I do less with my kids so I can afford to include partner snd step kid on some trips?

Or YABU
I shouldn't be expected to finance partner and step kid

OP posts:

Icanbuymyselfflowers · 29/01/2023 12:11

@Crazycrazylady i wouldn’t be living with anyone who didn’t see my children as apart of our family.

we both have children from previous relationships, both our kids live with us full time. We are a blended family and the children are treated equally so are out finances. Half sisters is not a blended family
if I only had children and he didn’t and then we had a child they would be biological siblings not blended

HandbagsnGladrags · 29/01/2023 12:15

Crazycrazylady · 29/01/2023 12:02

Honestly I don't where all this talk of 'blended families' has come from.
The child in question is the of their moms boyfriend. They're not half siblings they probably spend 10% of their time together in the same home at best . The op isn't married, he is just her boyfriend who she lahe has lived with for a year..

Blended families to my mind involves half siblings and married parents at the very least. Trying to "blend" families in relatively new relationships is bonkers for everyone involved imo.
It's doesn't automatically apply in every relationship where the parents both have kids from previous relationships

Completely agree.

bluegreygreen · 29/01/2023 12:17

But it sounds like this isn't really a blended family - at least from OP's posts she suggests neither adult is thinking that way.

She goes on days out with her children. He goes to festivals and out with friends.

I wonder if they ever do things as a family? It feels to me like they are living parallel rather than blended lives.

HandbagsnGladrags · 29/01/2023 12:34

Why does everyone have to do things as a family though? Every situation is different and there's no need to force something which isn't there. If you have kids of very different ages who are not into similar things, you can't force them all together.

bluegreygreen · 29/01/2023 12:40

Perhaps not - but it was OP's title that said 'blended family'.

Crazycrazylady · 29/01/2023 12:55

Icanbuymyselfflowers · 29/01/2023 12:11

@Crazycrazylady i wouldn’t be living with anyone who didn’t see my children as apart of our family.

I don't agree. Lots of relationships breakdown when the couple move to the next step and live together and discover they don't suit which is fine.
Pretending from the get go that you re all part of one big blended family from the start when six months down the track it could be all over is wreckless imo.

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