Other parents just waiting to say told you so.

[NC2023]

Not sure what looking for. Maybe a good comeback or maybe just some insight/support.

My son was in a state school from nursery to year 2 and we decided to put him into private. We are by no means rich but can manage. Friends and parents of kids in the old school really tried to put us off by saying it’s a huge mistake and we are silly for doing so. I 100% feel it was, and still is the correct decision as the school has been given “requires improvement” in recent ofsted. I wasn’t happy at all with the school and other schools in catchment were no better so private was our decision.

what annoys me is one parent out of either “sheer concern” or most likely jealousy always brings up negatives of private school when we meet. I felt very uncomfortable last time we met as she questioned me what exactly is so different and I told her and her response was “well you could dothat yourself and all kids need in primary is a supportive parent”. She also keeps making a point her husband is very rich but they decided state school is better. I never bring up this topic of conversation but a handful of friends do every time. It’s really uncomfortable. I’m a very shy and introverted person so kind of feel it’s really awkward but others might think it’s just discussion.

I feel a few of them are waiting for DS to fail so they can say “told u so” or waiting for me to say private was a huge mistake and I’m regretting it. Every time I meet these few friends they make it into a discussion topic. I’m quite angry after each meet up.

There are of course people that oppose private schools for reasons other than jealousy, but that doesn’t change the fact that plenty of people are in fact jealous.

considering the friend decided to make the ‘well, we can afford it too!’ comment, it’s hardly surprising that people think she sounds insecure and yes, jealous.

Some people feel very strongly about private education but a friend should leave you to it

We are in the same situation, there’s a specific relative that will bring it up every single time we meet up and it’s been about 4 years. She has stories of friends whose children switched to private, but then her own children were doing phenomenally better in state while the friend was spending a fortune. Etc, etc. Rinse and repeat.

Nod and ignore.

My favourite word is 'Really' everytime anyone makes a comment about things which are not their business, I never engage or enter into a conversation. If you use it every single time they soon get the message.

It's my experience that such strongly held views miraculously change when people can suddenly afford private education. Strange that!

Bless your naivity!

Whump - if said person can afford private school, why would they be jealous? That's kinda illogical, it sounds rather that she's trying to provoke a reaction

Judge j, do you truly believe that all people who choose state over private are jealous? even if they can afford to, where is the logic? Isn't jealousy for something you can't have?

No, I clearly said the opposite.

”There are of course people that oppose private schools for reasons other than jealousy, but that doesn’t change the fact that plenty of people are in fact jealous.”

Nevermind, I quoted the wrong post.

That’s indeed if she can afford private school, or her husband is willing to pay for it. It’s not unheard of for people to lie to make themselves look and feel better.

as a home educating family since 2015(my 12 y old nevers been)
ive had similar shit of everyone,complete strangers think its ok to comment,why they are not in school or when told what we do tell me how wrong they think it is and its even illegal.

im my user name and more so a dirty look or a its your business how? always works or a very straight oh do fuck off

ive had so many tell me where the local school is(bottom of my street to be precise, about 40 houses down)like i dont know.

tell them straight, its my business thanks we are doing what WE thinks best and say it with a loud tone

or if they insist, ive told you nicely pack in comments now or better still please fuck off interfering with my families business

people are only continuing because they can,you ned to nip this in the bud

I wasn't intending to reveal the grades - I never do for that reason. But whatever I say will be proof of something 🤷‍♀️

My bet - they can’t afford it, or can, but one of them is opposed and they have argued about it, and she is jealous…ignore, grey rock etc

Oh my word! What an awful mother. We had that but when a mother moved her DS from our private school to another rival one in the city. Long disparaging note on the class Facebook group, apologies if their so leaving, who was nice, would impact our children. At a school event a few weeks earlier she had loudly declared that their new school to be was more "old money" compared to the one they were leaving. May be in general though our school is older - raised an eyebrow and had a laugh with a very old money fellow parent about it (we're old money I guess too, so old, there's very little actual cash left!)

I'm not convinced it is jealousy, some wealthy people are of the 'champagne socialist' thoughts so they worry about how it looks, some are genuinely against them for political reasons, my DH's grandparents were thinking about paying his fees for an independent school but they were Socialists and fundamentally had to stay loyal to their political convictions. Some people just don't see how it is value for money, If you can just about afford the fees then this is obviously a major deliberation as may mean the difference between a very nice house and a lesser one, good holidays for the whole family or camping in the south of France or no holidays at all. I know the arguments that have arisen with one couple due to the Dad falling down on one side and the Mum the other with the above argument so I really don't think people query this in a majority of cases out of jealousy. In my case, I didn't have the best experience in an all girls private school so I wouldn't want that type of educational experience for my DD. You may say it has changed but I'm on a WhatsApp group of local women who have an array of children in ages in state/private school and one girls private school anecdotally has a terrible bullying problem so it definitely hasn't died a death. The same issues with getting rid of children who don't reach the grade prior to GCSE as well.

That said, if they are a friend it is not friendly behaviour, If they are a child's parent you know from the school gates, I can well believe the attitude.