Other parents just waiting to say told you so.

[NC2023]

Not sure what looking for. Maybe a good comeback or maybe just some insight/support.

My son was in a state school from nursery to year 2 and we decided to put him into private. We are by no means rich but can manage. Friends and parents of kids in the old school really tried to put us off by saying it’s a huge mistake and we are silly for doing so. I 100% feel it was, and still is the correct decision as the school has been given “requires improvement” in recent ofsted. I wasn’t happy at all with the school and other schools in catchment were no better so private was our decision.

what annoys me is one parent out of either “sheer concern” or most likely jealousy always brings up negatives of private school when we meet. I felt very uncomfortable last time we met as she questioned me what exactly is so different and I told her and her response was “well you could dothat yourself and all kids need in primary is a supportive parent”. She also keeps making a point her husband is very rich but they decided state school is better. I never bring up this topic of conversation but a handful of friends do every time. It’s really uncomfortable. I’m a very shy and introverted person so kind of feel it’s really awkward but others might think it’s just discussion.

I feel a few of them are waiting for DS to fail so they can say “told u so” or waiting for me to say private was a huge mistake and I’m regretting it. Every time I meet these few friends they make it into a discussion topic. I’m quite angry after each meet up.

A way out of the GCSE conversation would be to say that the results are your DC’s private business and you’re not at liberty to discuss them without their permission. Not as satisfying as mind your own bloody business, but there we are.

If they were real friends she probably would !!

Oh, you know all her friends do you?

Sunhine, are people only for providing 'value and input'!

No, your comment was perfectly valid @Andrelaxzz. Just goes to show how touchy some people can be on the subject! You're not OP's "friend" I take it, so feel free to express yourself on a public internet forum.

Just burst out laughing when someone brings the subject up. When they ask you why you’re laughing, just say that it’s a private joke. You may have to repeat this, but they’ll soon think that the joke is on them and be too embarrassed to bring the subject up again.

I agree. The school their DC was attending was rated ‘needs improvement’ and they considered a private school better than the alternatives on offer. If they are not rich and are just managing to do this then it’s obvious they are doing their best for their child within the financial constraints that they have. What’s wrong with that ?

Something along the lines of 'we'll have to agree to disagree on that topic'

Basically this ^^, plus " he is much happier where he is now, so please can we drop the subject".

In our friendship group we have one person who has put her DC through private education for secondary school. We don't discuss it at all. She can afford it, the rest of us couldn't.

In the event our state educated DC ended up with A* and A at A level, went to RG universities and graduated with 2.1 and first class degrees and found employment immediately, so it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Sorry - that came across as rude and I didn’t mean to be. It’s just that the OP posted about the reaction of her friends, not an opinion on private schools and it just seemed to be at odds with what she was asking.

She (OP) has decided that she faces this rudeness because her friend is jealous and I think some of us are pointing out that this may not be the case.

I agree she's rude if she keeps going on. Sounds like OP needs a new friendship group with the private school Mums - as I said, ime, many friendships don't survive this sort of divergence of opinion.

@Lovelysausagedogscrumpy don't worry I live with three teenagers my entire day is filled with rudeness😁

Your friend /friends are being really rude
It sounds like she has an issue with private school and is trying to force her views into you. Friends don't do that , they respect each others differing views and choices

It's ok to pull her up on it . How you do that is up to you, plenty of suggestions on here

I'd be inclined to go for
"Please don't start this again... I don't criticise your life or parenting choices...
You've made your views clear plenty of times and I disagree"
Or
"We are content with our choices over DS's schooling , he's happy and that's what's important to us as his parents. We're all different and have different views and it'd be nice if you could respect that"

Or
"This topic has been done to death .. we gave it very careful consideration and thought. Let's change the topic .."

Hell is other parents

I don’t think it’s necessarily jealousy. It is more likely that they feel that you are suggesting that the school they send their dc to is not good enough.
I would just try and move the conversation on and say ‘horses for courses. Every child is different and we all just want our children to thrive. I’m really pleased you’ve found a place which works for your DC’. Then change subject. Have a question ready so you don’ t feel flustered

🌹

It’s like car seats. People see a decision counter to theirs as a direct criticism even if it isn’t. Different things work for different families and with schooling the balance of financial sacrifice and the extent to which private schooling is worth it or not will be different.

If you’re happy with your choice crack it. The conversations suggest your friend isn’t entirely secure with her choice.

They are prats

next Time, let her have her say and respond “how very interesting” in tones of deepest boredom.

You don’t instigate the discussion do you OP? One of our friendship group has a child in the final year of private school, and at every meet up we have to hear about how much better the school is than state school, and she proceeds to discuss the differences. It does get my back up as it feels like she is making the rest of us feel inferior and inadequate as parents!

If certain people don’t add any value or input, yet feel they can comment on my decisions or be judgemental about my decisions (people I wouldn’t otherwise have known mind you had it not been that our children attended school for a period of time) then absolutely. I don’t particularly need them and their absence won’t be missed.

I do agree. It works both ways. It’s not anyone’s business or place to comment either way. I went to state school as did my siblings. My cousins went private. No one spoke about the ‘differences’ and we all got along just fine.

She sound a bore as well.

Really there's no need for competitive parenting or commenting on others parenting choices about schooling

- I do agree. It works both ways. It’s not anyone’s business or place to comment either way. I went to state school as did my siblings. My cousins went private. No one spoke about the ‘differences’ and we all got along just fine.
Well said sunshine

Private schooling seems to bring out the jealous folk.
Please don't worry about it and if a 'friend' brings it up just shut them down with 'we're doing the best for our children and I'm not prepared to discuss this.'

Most parents, if they freely had the money would educate privately I'm sure.

I wish we educated privately when we had our children but we couldn't afford it but we hope that we can afford it for our grandchildren, when the time comes.
And I've spent nearly 20 years supporting SEN children in mainstream.

I agree she sounds boring.

I had a nice little friendship group going with two neighbours but the difference between them and me was that they wished they could afford to send their children to private school and seemed to talk about it ALL THE FUCKING TIME when we were out. I couldn't have been less interested and it put me off them both.

Actually, people who talk about their dc and their dc education all the time are just plain boring full stop.

They sound jealous and using this as something to ground you down.
Shut the conversation down as soon as they start, Grey rock any school related convos and change the subject until they get the message.
If they insist of carrying on, make new friends