Other parents just waiting to say told you so.

[NC2023]

Not sure what looking for. Maybe a good comeback or maybe just some insight/support.

My son was in a state school from nursery to year 2 and we decided to put him into private. We are by no means rich but can manage. Friends and parents of kids in the old school really tried to put us off by saying it’s a huge mistake and we are silly for doing so. I 100% feel it was, and still is the correct decision as the school has been given “requires improvement” in recent ofsted. I wasn’t happy at all with the school and other schools in catchment were no better so private was our decision.

what annoys me is one parent out of either “sheer concern” or most likely jealousy always brings up negatives of private school when we meet. I felt very uncomfortable last time we met as she questioned me what exactly is so different and I told her and her response was “well you could dothat yourself and all kids need in primary is a supportive parent”. She also keeps making a point her husband is very rich but they decided state school is better. I never bring up this topic of conversation but a handful of friends do every time. It’s really uncomfortable. I’m a very shy and introverted person so kind of feel it’s really awkward but others might think it’s just discussion.

I feel a few of them are waiting for DS to fail so they can say “told u so” or waiting for me to say private was a huge mistake and I’m regretting it. Every time I meet these few friends they make it into a discussion topic. I’m quite angry after each meet up.

We're experiencing something a bit like this at the moment but with regards to the 11+. Lots of snarky comments and jabs being thrown around from the other school Mums.

The really sad thing, as you stated, is that they really want your child, as they do with ours, to fail, and would be utterly gleeful to hear that they had.

It's a really ugly way for a grown adult to behave and when it's someone you'd class as a friend, it really hurts

I guess the only stance you can take is FUCK THEM and crack on?!

The rudeness of this is BREATHTAKING. If you have that kind of relationship, then BEFORE you did it, sure, they could have an opinion. But it's done now.

Next time, I'd look at her incredulously and say, "So... I should yank him out of a school he's settled in well at just becuase YOU think private isn't good for him. Sure, I'll get right on that." Then I'd turn and go talk to someone else/get up to get another drink or whatever.

Stupid cow.

Also, I am not sure I'd be friends with someone like this long term. You've made your decision, she needs to move the F&&& on.

Ignore OP. I had the same when my DC's went to private school and this was from a mother I never knew only from passing in the school playground. She never knew why we decided private school. (Due to needing full time dyslexic support) and to put it frankly it wasn't any of her business. I never told anyone just two mum friends I was close too and we are and children still very close.
I hope you DC will be very happy..

"I really do not want to talk about this again!"

Then change the subject.

Rinse and repeat.

Refuse to be baited.

Agree with this.
You should never have to justify your choices to other people. They don't sound like good friends.

Ha! Been there, got the t shirt. People were always going on and on about how wonderful their children’s schools were. I had one friend who would do that every time I saw her, she’d say, “still home educating? Well at our scull this term, they are doing XYZ and going to X place, it’s just fantastic!” On and on while I just sat there bored.

In the end, I told her that I wasn’t home educating because I thought the school she sent her children to was crap, and that these conversations were boring the living shit out of me taking about the children and schools anyway.

OP these friends sound just as boring, why keep talking about schools, don’t they have their own personalities outside of their child’s education?

• school, not scull!

I'd go to the loo. When you come back the conversation will have moved on with any luck.

Different strokes for different folks. Rinse and repeat.
Or you could just tell them to fuck off.

Perhaps ask her what she would like your response to be in an ideal world? It might make her realise that you don't actually owe her anything.

Or you could say, my response is going to be the same as last time you brought this up, we are happy with our choice.

It's best choice for our child - we feel we know him best.

Well all children are different as are schools.

More sarky - it really doesn't matter what your opinion is it's our child and our money.

Our children are all state educated but we've had a versions of this as our struggled at times - due to our financial constraint often meant support was doing programs with me and on-line. If people ever found out they were frequently nasty about it - the on-line maths site we used dd some pr with DD ended up in local paper and thus her school found out and asked the kids - DD1 had just gone form near bottom set in maths to top - and one of the TA said said it was cheating - doing extra work was cheating - but it was with anything but it paid off with our kids now of course it would have happened anyway .

Some people will be trying to justify their own decision to spend their money on other things.

Good answers might be
'well, we all have different priorities. That's what we needed to do at the time.'
'We all want the best for our children, and that's what was best for Billy.'
'He's doing well, we don't regret our decision.'
'Are you worrying about your little Sam? You seem very interested in Billy's school.'

And honestly , stop meeting with them.

You could say that you prefer the parent group at your school of choice - less judgy group! 😄

YABU for believing Ofsted rating has anything to do with how good a school is. I have seen absoliutely shit school have good rating and some amazing ones RI. What was actually wrong with your child's school?
You are NBU to send your kid whenever you want though.

I think I'd say "This again?!" in incredulous tones. Then follow up with "DS is happy to go to school now and doing fine, that's what matters to me."

I would also stop meeting up with them and focus on other friends or making other friends elsewhere. Who needs this crap? Friends are supposed to be on your side and support you, if they don't, they're not really friends are they?

You could try something like” it’s one small child going to school, how do you make it a conversation topic every time?”
Or just cut them, they don’t really sound like friends.

It’s really, really rude. Do you go around telling them they are making a mistake with their kids?

No.

Don’t be meek about this, be strong. It was your decision, if it’s a mistake it’s your mistake. But nothing to do with them so get a bit arsy with them next time when they bring it up ‘not this again… what is it about my kids school that you need to keep on bringing this up… ‘etc.

I think you flip it around and say “You’ve mentioned this so often. Are you concerned that someone else is judging your choices about how to educate your child?”

Say it kindly and you might be able to have a different conversation with her.

Alternatively, tell her that this topic has become tiresome and you aren’t interested in debating with her.

I would just be blunt with her and tell her that your choice of where to educate your child is none of her business. It doesn’t matter if she is against the idea of private education in principle. It’s still none of her damn business. Tell her to butt out and don’t socialise with her again.

Some State schools are “Outstanding “, some Private schools are dire, but generally speaking , private schools have smaller class sizes, don’t have disruptive pupils in them.
I was moved from a Private to a State at 13 because stepmum doesn’t believe in Private schools - and it was an horrendous culture shock.
Absolutely detested it til streaming separated the class out at 14.

Just tell your friend to wind her neck in.

This ⬆

Your child, your money, your choice.

I don't know why she's so intent on interrogating you every time. Just tell her it's getting boring,

Some people don't agree with private schools, jealousy is not the reason

"Why do you keep asking me about the same things?"
"He's happy and doing well thanks."
"Oh heck - I really don't want to talk about this AGAIN" - Quickly followed by a question on a completely different subject.
Don't sit near her - or find a reason to move away.
Don't meet up.

I think you might need some new friends. Real friends wouldn't make you feel bad or uncomfortable about your choices, unless of course it was something detrimental to you which this very much doesn't sound like.

That’s rude and mean of your friends. I get thet they want to justify their own decisions but thet doesn’t mean they get to be mean.

Maybe stop seeing them - which may feel great! Or if you’re keen to keep the friendships for whatever reason, next time it comes up say “Guys, we’ve moved schools for a reason and we are very happy with our decision. If X school is working for you then I’m happy for you but it did not work for us. I’m a bit fed up of constantly being challenged on my decision though, it’s exhausting - and boring - can we please talk about something else?!