Biggest dilemma of my whole life - Please help

[Purplecastle]

Please help me with my biggest dilemma of my life.

We live in the UK the last 12 years but we are not from the UK. Both myself and my husband come from an Eastern European country and are both well educated and gain very good salaries, together we hit above 6 digit salary. We have British passports and 2 DCs, 3 and 1 years old.

Our parents live back in our home country and we have no other siblings.

We like our lives here, we are well established, we bought our house, we have our car, we are balanced. We live in a nice area and our kids will go to good schools.

Our parents are between 60-75 years old (all 4 of them).

We are at a stage that we have to decide whether to return back for them or not. They are not willing to come and live in the UK and I don't blame them as they are in retirement and have their friends and life back in our home country.

If we stay here we will be financially better and our kids will have a better education.
If we go back we will just about make it financially as a good school there in only a private school.
If we go back would be to be close to our parents at their final years and our kids to grow with their grandparents.
If we stay here our parents will either end up in an elderly house with noone close to them and if they accept to come and live in the UK we won't be able to afford a good elderly care and support for them as it's so expensive.
If we go back our kids will be more citizens of our home country (which is where we feel we belong - at home we speak our home country language) and if we stay here we will raise up British people, which is absolutely fine, but it's not us in a way.

What would you do? Please help as my mind is split between parents and kids and I am totally exhausted....

YABU - Stay in the UK
YANBU - Go back to your home country

No - but the OP needs to consider now because of the age of her children . Uprooting a 3 year old is very different to a 10 year old .

It is so difficult.
But your parents are only 60-75 -what do they think about you moving back? How much care do they actually need? Do they want you to come home? They are retired and have friends and relatives and seem settled.
Do either of you have siblings in your home country? So you know they have immediate contact?
Our parents are in their mid-80s and yes they do need a bit more contact now than previously. but they wouldn't have wanted us to move back to their town (3hrs drive)
You both have a good income and could visit more often if needed. It's much easier now to keep in regular contact. You could put aside money to help with travel and expenses of helping them out.

So I'd consider those issues first before deciding to give up 12 years of settling in.

What do you yourselves want to do?

Its never going to be easy but its not something to decide too quickly.

Honestly, I’d focus on what was best for my children.

60-75 doesn’t sound so old. Why are you so sure they’ll have to go into a care home? Are there health issues.

Which country is it? And are you based somewhere in the UK with good flight connections?
You might be better off staying in the UK and flying more frequently rather than returning home permanently.
The salaries are still relatively low in Eastern European countries, yet the cost of living is increasing.
If you are from Hungary I probably would stay in the UK. Hungary is no longer considered a democracy but an electoral autocracy (by the European parliament). There has been a lot of removal of rights such as LGBTQIA, immigrants and media freedoms.
It really does depend on the actual country you are from - there are great differences within Eastern Europe.

I will be in this position in the future and also already stressing out what to do when the time comes and parents cannot take care of themselves any more (we also live in rural area and in the place where having someone coming by every day is not an option) so i feel you OP…

Don't underestimate the importance of grandparents to kids. Your kids will thrive wherever you raise them, provided they have the love and support of their family. I'd go home.

I was the same but the other way round. I moved back to uk and don't regret it... at least not yet. My greatest joy is to see my children learn about their own culture and I think they seem 'free-er' in themselves. More confident to express themselves authentically or something like that. However... they were much older than yours, all else being equal with regards to your parents health I think you could stay for a few more years and then move back and try something 'new'

Follow your heart ❤
Your children can make their own choices.
If they are young, please guide them.

Good luck. Xx Op