Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Referring to sex as "intimacy" is just gross

111 replies

AdamRyan · 27/01/2023 21:39

Noticed it on here a lot, usually from male posters tbh complaining about lack of "intimacy" in their marriage when they mean sex

Then just read an article in another thread where a prostitute says some of her clients "only want intimacy for 15 minutes " then they just want to talk

Its really getting on my wick. Sex and intimacy are not the same thing! Grrrr

Aibu?

OP posts:
Winemygoodenemy · 28/01/2023 10:21

we Just get straight to the point. In the mood for some sex? Or it’s just hinted at by the kissing and non verbal clues.

Intimacy to us is vulnerable conversations, cuddling on the sofa or just being close.

Chefwithnolife · 28/01/2023 10:24

dogdaydown · 28/01/2023 02:59

Someone on here recently actually described it as a bit of the other!

I thought I was in the middle of a carry on script.

'Ow about a bit if ows yah father'

🤢

kingtamponthefurred · 28/01/2023 10:29

JarByTheDoor · 28/01/2023 02:32

It's a very romance-novel term. I can see the problem. Cunt? Too aggressive. Pussy? Too porny. Gash? Too crude. Fanny? Too primary-school. Minge? Too derogatory. Vagina/vulva? Too clinical. Area? Too euphemistic. Pudendum? Too artistic. Organ? Too masculine. Crotch? Too gross. Genitals? Too medical. Privates? Too prissy. Snatch? Too dismissive. Twat? Too insulting. And if it's a book with a lot of sex in it, you need to avoid repeating yourself too much, too, or it just feels like the sex scenes are cut-and-paste and not worth reading. But once you get into "He put his sex in her sex and they had sex" territory you feel like you're dealing with someone terminally vocabulary-deprived.

Show quote history

Come on now, we are all adults; if you mean her noo-noo, you can say so.

katseyes7 · 28/01/2023 10:30

I've just remembered an acquaintance referring to it as "married cuddles" - to be fair she was taking the piss.
Oh god. Unfortunately my ex husband wasn't.

Warrensrabbit · 28/01/2023 10:31

It depends. I have used this on another board to say that I have had no intimacy with my partner. But for me it encompasses more than sex. We haven’t had sex in a long time, but I use the phrase to cover kissing, casual touches, hugs.

im not afraid of using the word sex, but for me it doesn’t cover the scope of our issue. For me the word intimacy covers a broader spectrum of interaction.

99victoria · 28/01/2023 10:40

'Sexy time' is THE WORST 🙄

MasterBeth · 28/01/2023 10:53

You can have sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex.

But sex is the most intimate thing I do, so if that part of a marriage went, I can see why people see it as a huge loss of intimacy.

Boleynforsoup · 28/01/2023 10:54

beachcitygirl · 27/01/2023 22:44

I always thought intimacy meant "everything but"
ie husband can't get it up but we're still intimate.
If it's a euphemism for sex itself then it can get in the bin along side making love & special cuddles (my minging ex) 🤮

Haha I think we might have the same ex... special cuddles 🤮🤢

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 28/01/2023 10:56

Loathe when anyone says shag or shagging 🤮

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 28/01/2023 11:02

Oh god, “baby dancing”!!!

UKParents used that one all the damn time and I’d mercifully blocked it out. How horrific.

Naunet · 28/01/2023 11:09

AdamRyan · 27/01/2023 21:39

Noticed it on here a lot, usually from male posters tbh complaining about lack of "intimacy" in their marriage when they mean sex

Then just read an article in another thread where a prostitute says some of her clients "only want intimacy for 15 minutes " then they just want to talk

Its really getting on my wick. Sex and intimacy are not the same thing! Grrrr

Aibu?

Totally agree. Sex doesn’t necessarily equal intimacy.

Ellaskitchensimple · 28/01/2023 11:15

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/01/2023 22:23

that has just made me a bit sick in my mouth..

Show quote history

That expression is worse than any of the sex ones tbh

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 28/01/2023 11:22

This thread is brilliant. 😂 Reminds me soooo much of THIS thread in 'classics' from about 6 and a half years ago. To hint at sex, the man the OP was dating, whispered the word 'penetration' in her ear. (She dumped him because of this, understandably!) Grin

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/2713481-Penetration-man

BTW, my DH just says 'wanna go upstairs...???' (I do too sometimes.) Most ways of asking for/hinting at sex are so awkward and cringe! 😬

Warrensrabbit · 28/01/2023 11:26

@HeavenIsAHalfpipe Reminds me of a man I dated once years ago who every time he came would yell “hells bells”. For a short time it was actually an amusing thing to aim for, see if he did it every time. Once it became apparent yes it was every time it became old very quick 😂😂

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

Cocobutt · 28/01/2023 11:29

YABU

The majority of these threads are started by female posters whose partner would happily have sex with them but there’s not enough intimacy.

Sex is sex.
It’s literally putting a penis in a vagina.
Intimacy is completely different.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 28/01/2023 11:29

Warrensrabbit · 28/01/2023 11:26

@HeavenIsAHalfpipe Reminds me of a man I dated once years ago who every time he came would yell “hells bells”. For a short time it was actually an amusing thing to aim for, see if he did it every time. Once it became apparent yes it was every time it became old very quick 😂😂

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

'Hells bells!!!' 😂 I'd have found it so hard to not laugh!!! Grin

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 28/01/2023 11:30

@Cocobutt

YABU

The majority of these threads are started by female posters whose partner would happily have sex with them but there’s not enough intimacy.

Eh? Confused

You're a man aren't you? Women don't call other women 'females.'

UnctuousUnicorns · 28/01/2023 11:32

"I just wanted a bit of comfort" <hands CB's ex a bottle of fabric conditioner>

UnctuousUnicorns · 28/01/2023 11:36

"Topped only by the nethuns special “baby dancing” aka BD’ing."

Oh gawd, I'm old enough to remember that one, took me ages to discover what BD actually stood for, and even then I couldn't work out why the eff you'd call it that! 😕

Cocobutt · 28/01/2023 11:38

@HeavenIsAHalfpipe

You're a man aren't you? Women don't call other women 'females.'

🤣🤣

We’re not allowed to use the word female now - ok 🙄

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 28/01/2023 11:49

BTW, my DH just says 'wanna go upstairs...???'

That reminds me of the joke:
I was sitting on the sofa with my partner and he said "Hey, shall we take this thing upstairs?!"
I replied "Sure thing - you grab that end and I'll get this one!"

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 28/01/2023 11:52

There's a very big difference between female as an adjective and female as a noun, surely?

The former is a normal descriptor, used commonly when communicating; whereas 'A female' sounds like you're talking about an animal.

RiverSkater · 28/01/2023 11:54

Intimacy for me would be the time after sex, holding, cuddling, kissing And talking with somebody you love, the vulnerability.

I don't do that with a casual shag.

Cocobutt · 28/01/2023 11:58

There's a very big difference between female as an adjective and female as a noun, surely?

The former is a normal descriptor, used commonly when communicating; whereas 'A female' sounds like you're talking about an animal.

So it’s ok for the OP to say ‘male’ but using the word ‘female’ is somehow wrong or makes me a man? Ok 🤔

Eleanorbeleanor · 28/01/2023 12:06

CrazyBiscuits · 27/01/2023 22:10

What about "when are we likely to fornicate again?". Well never was my answer after nearly gagging!

😲🤮
Were you with Jacob Rees-Mogg??