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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend is being unreasonable

113 replies

TheWhisker · 27/01/2023 12:56

My closest friend mentioned that there may be drinks this Saturday. Something we do regularly as a group of four.

I asked if drinks were still on and was told that they were and that Harry, Ashley and Leo would be going. I asked if I was invited and he said no. I thought he was joking at first but he's serious. I questioned this with him and got called some unpleasant names for questioning it.

Previous to this we haven't been as close as usual but as he mentioned the drinks to me last week i thought that he's being deeply unkind to now exclude me like this. He's gone on the attack a few times recently calling me personal insults. This really is the straw that broke the camel's back though. I always go out with this group and I'm the only one to be excluded. AiBU to be upset?

OP posts:

vodkaredbullgirl · 27/01/2023 12:57

You need new friends.

PotatoFacedWombat · 27/01/2023 12:58

Why would you want to go out for drinks with someone who insults you?
Raise your standards.

Riverlee · 27/01/2023 13:00

Yes, I would be upset too. It's horrible being excluded from a group, and/or de-invited from a social gathering.

Maybe next time, be blunt, and ask what’s the problem is. Or can you ask one of the others.

(Are they the real names of people - if so, could be outing?)

Travis1 · 27/01/2023 13:00

Block and move on. No friends are better than arsehole friends

ITriedToStopSwearingButICunt · 27/01/2023 13:01

Why do you describe this person as a friend? They're not.

Wdib78 · 27/01/2023 13:05

Block and forget about fake friends.

SleeplessInEngland · 27/01/2023 13:08

Can't believe Ashley's going but not you!!

Tinkerbyebye · 27/01/2023 13:16

You are not being unreasonable, however I would be withdrawing from the friendship. I simply wouldn’t make the effort to contact them, and take my t8me responding with a no if they contact t me

Scooby5kids · 27/01/2023 13:31

I think it sounds like you're not friends anymore. If you still like the others then you may have to make your own plans with them individually, but if I were you I'd start trying to extend your acquaintance circle and trying to make friends other people

Alexandernevermind · 27/01/2023 13:36

At best he is being a spiteful dick. At worst he is being a manipulative gas lighter on a power play - tells you about drinks to make you think you are invited, uninvites you and calls you horrible names, making it your fault, as some sort of punishment for not being as close as usual, probably designed to make you work harder and beg for your previous friendship status back.

NamelessTemptress01 · 27/01/2023 13:39

Do you have screenshots of the messages? I would be sending them to the others

Lenald · 27/01/2023 13:40

Only getting one side of the story it’s really hard to say if your friend is being unreasonable?

No idea why he wants to exclude you, but I guess he has his reasons.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 27/01/2023 14:00

Only getting one side of the story it’s really hard to say if your friend is being unreasonable?

But isn’t this the case with every AIBU question ever?

Nevermind31 · 27/01/2023 14:03

If you always go out with this group, why did you question whether you were invited?
doesn’t it usually go like this…
drinks still on?
yeah, Tom, Dick and Harry are going.
cool, what time shall we meet

ShakespearesBlister · 27/01/2023 14:04

If this is how your friends treat you I'd hate to see what you put up with from enemies.

Silvers11 · 27/01/2023 14:15

Nevermind31 · 27/01/2023 14:03

This!

Original poster

TheWhisker · 27/01/2023 14:16

I questioned whether I was invited as usually he'd have been in touch with the details. When I asked if I was invited and he said no I was really taken aback. I'm not as close with the others so won't be telling them about it.

I've had his back so many times and sent him some food and money when he was out of work and had very little.

OP posts:

Verytired123 · 27/01/2023 14:18

Maybe speak to your other friends and see what they think about you coming along?
Maybe not the best approach but if you’re usually a four and the other two were going/ happy with you going I’d be going along anyway. Who’s he to dictate if there’s no other reason for him excluding you?

ShimmeringShirts · 27/01/2023 14:28

You would be unreasonable to continue this friendship. It is not ok for anyone to name call or insult you, he does not like you. Time for you to move on and find better friends.

10HailMarys · 27/01/2023 14:31

I think it's pretty clear that he doesn't want your company any more, so I think you need to walk away from this.

Even before this he was calling you 'unpleasant names'. Did you not take the hint then and realise that the friendship was over? He's ended the friendship in a particularly harsh way, clearly, and that was cruel of him - but I'm wondering whether you have a record of not picking up on social cues? It sounds to me as if he's been trying to extricate himself from the friendship for a while now and that you haven't realised, and he's now resorting to being downright mean in the hope that you'll get it. The fact that you've previously given him money and food suggests to me that perhaps the friendship has always meant more to you than it ever did to him.

YANBU to be upset by this - what he's done is really hurtful and unkind. But I also think you need to accept that you're not friends any more and walk away from this with your dignity intact. You've done nothing wrong but you'll gain nothing from trying to pursue this. You can make better friends than this, I promise.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/01/2023 14:39

"Close friends" don't insult you. I would walk away from this person.

ImmigrantAlice · 27/01/2023 14:40

It’s a very unpleasant thing to do to you, and of course it’s normal to be upset.

If it were me I’d now delete their details, block them, and try to forget about it.

There are quite a lot of real arseholes in this world so it’s unfortunately the case that we each meet our fair share.

DontLikeMenthols · 27/01/2023 14:41

Why did he mention drinks on Saturday if you weren’t invited?

Cakeandcardio · 27/01/2023 14:48

Time to absolutely grey rock the cheeky bastard

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 27/01/2023 14:50

Time to find new friends.

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