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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is being unreasonable

113 replies

TheWhisker · 27/01/2023 12:56

My closest friend mentioned that there may be drinks this Saturday. Something we do regularly as a group of four.

I asked if drinks were still on and was told that they were and that Harry, Ashley and Leo would be going. I asked if I was invited and he said no. I thought he was joking at first but he's serious. I questioned this with him and got called some unpleasant names for questioning it.

Previous to this we haven't been as close as usual but as he mentioned the drinks to me last week i thought that he's being deeply unkind to now exclude me like this. He's gone on the attack a few times recently calling me personal insults. This really is the straw that broke the camel's back though. I always go out with this group and I'm the only one to be excluded. AiBU to be upset?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWhisker · 28/01/2023 11:24

Today I feel like a dick. Ive overreacted over not being invitedm the friendship was doomed anyway when he cannot seem to say anything nice about me, just insults but I know they're all going to be sat there tonight, him telling them al a false narrative of how I'm crazy and them believing him.

OP posts:
butterfliedtwo · 28/01/2023 11:35

If they believe him, consider whether they are worth having as friends. Probably not.

PurpleRaindancing · 28/01/2023 11:39

"Oh ExFriend was such a user, he told you I was needy? .. He was taking money off of me all the time to pay for his drinks and food out. He's taken hundreds of pounds from me alone, manipulating people he calls friends around him... he's a not a nice user isn't he?"

Original poster
TheWhisker · 28/01/2023 12:26

PurpleRaindancing · 28/01/2023 11:39

"Oh ExFriend was such a user, he told you I was needy? .. He was taking money off of me all the time to pay for his drinks and food out. He's taken hundreds of pounds from me alone, manipulating people he calls friends around him... he's a not a nice user isn't he?"

I'm not sure I understand.

OP posts:
Wdib78 · 28/01/2023 14:55

TheWhisker · 28/01/2023 12:26

I'm not sure I understand.

Show quote history

I think poster means you should say /text this to anyone he bad mouths you to .

Original poster
TheWhisker · 28/01/2023 16:13

Ah yes I understand now. Thanks for clarifying.

The situation is just shit. I always thought he would be a friend for life but sometimes a light switches on and all becomes clear that while I agree with everything he says it's all fine but the minute I disagree or give my true thoughts or question anything, he doesn't like it much. Well fuck him is all I can say. I'm sick of being the good, supportive friend when he hasn't uttered a word of concern while I've been unwell or found my state of mental well-being hard to cope with.

OP posts:
Tilllly · 28/01/2023 17:50

There are lots of other people out there that are potential friends

Put him in your past and go out and enjoy life with those who will value you for yourself

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/01/2023 17:52

Don’t be friends with him any more

Original poster
TheWhisker · 29/01/2023 19:26

Thank you everyone.

I haven't spoke to him for a few days now. It's very quiet when we text so often usually, but I am feeling quite proud that I have stood up to him. Looking back over the past year or so he hasn't been nice to me at all. There has been very little in the way of encouragement that you would expect in a strong friendship and instead, little put downs here and there.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWhisker · 04/02/2023 08:42

Hello everyone, I wanted to update you that I haven't spoke to him since. It's clear he blames me. I don't know, maybe he doesn't like me questioning him over being a shit friend or what but I know that life is better without someone like him.

I do feel upset over it as he was my closest friend and we talked every day and did lots of social things together too but i'm hoping the feelings of upset will pass.

OP posts:
Scooby5kids · 06/02/2023 10:19

TheWhisker · 28/01/2023 00:30

What I don't understand is why he would mention the night out and then when I ask, I'm not welcome. I struggle with rejection as it is.

Seems very intentional and baited like he wanted it to cause offence so you'd get upset and then he could spin it on you to be the bad person. I can just imagine how the conversation is going behind your bad. Probably something like...
"They went full on crazy/psycho on me just because they weren't invited"
It's incredibly narcissistic and toxic, I think you're better of without this person in your life. I'm not saying he's a narcissistic. Best thing to do is just stay silent about it now and let others figure out for themselves. It wouldn't surprise me if they already know they're a manipulative person

Original poster
TheWhisker · 06/02/2023 20:35

Hello @Scooby5kids thanks for your post.

I think you're spot on there. He regularly says mean things and then when I call him out on them he acts like i'm being the unreasonable one. The things he says to me are always uncalled for too. I regularly tell him he doesn't say anything positive about me. Better off without that draining energy in my life.

OP posts:
BelleMarionette · 06/02/2023 20:47

What have you gained from this 'friendship'?

He has been very cruel, block and move on. There is no friendship, he has been using you.

Original poster
TheWhisker · 06/02/2023 20:58

@BelleMarionette I have very low self esteem and confidence. I actually sat and thought at the weekend that perhaps I am everything he has said I am.

OP posts:
nofluffsgiven · 11/02/2023 19:25

TheWhisker · 06/02/2023 20:58

@BelleMarionette I have very low self esteem and confidence. I actually sat and thought at the weekend that perhaps I am everything he has said I am.

No don't think that. You haven't done anything. Have you any update on the situation? Have you spoke to you other mutual acquaintances yet?

Hawkins003 · 11/02/2023 19:28

All the best op

Highlyflavouredgravy · 11/02/2023 19:36

Are you male or female?
Is he straight or gay?

Original poster
TheWhisker · 11/02/2023 20:10

nofluffsgiven · 11/02/2023 19:25

No don't think that. You haven't done anything. Have you any update on the situation? Have you spoke to you other mutual acquaintances yet?

Show quote history

Thank you. I'm feeling fine about the situation now. It's a shame the friendship has broken down, but who needs friends like that?

I have tried speaking to one of the others but he has completely ignored me.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWhisker · 11/02/2023 20:11

Hawkins003 · 11/02/2023 19:28

All the best op

Thank you very much @Hawkins003

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWhisker · 11/02/2023 20:11

Highlyflavouredgravy · 11/02/2023 19:36

Are you male or female?
Is he straight or gay?

I'm female and he's straight. Why do you ask?

OP posts:
PifflePishAndPap · 11/02/2023 20:12

Hawkins003 · 11/02/2023 19:28

All the best op

🙄

Hawkins003 · 11/02/2023 22:39

PifflePishAndPap · 11/02/2023 20:12

🙄

Show quote history

The op seemed to like it, plus on this matter was not sure how best to word my perspective

Original poster
TheWhisker · 12/02/2023 19:11

PifflePishAndPap · 11/02/2023 20:12

🙄

Show quote history

Why that face @PifflePishAndPap ?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWhisker · 12/02/2023 19:22

This person who i've been friends with for ages, we spoke every day and now we don't. To be honest, although most of the time I am ok about the situation, sometimes I feel so sad at the friendship I have lost. All because I confronted him over the night out.

OP posts:
nofluffsgiven · 12/02/2023 22:09

@TheWhisker I think you're better off without any of them then, if they're going to be that. It's just pathetic. Do you have other friends?