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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed at my sister

136 replies

Spename84 · 26/01/2023 16:29

Almost 7 years ago now my fiancé and father of my 2 children passed away. I had to leave my job, who was mainly weekend work, to look after my 2 children because my sister wouldn’t look after them. She said it was because she wasn’t used to little children as she had none herself. For years I did everything with my kids alone. There were times like bday parties I did ask my sister to go with me just to keep me company as they can be boring sometimes but she always refused so I stopped asking and I have always done it myself. Well she now has a son in nursery who is getting party invites. She’s trying to guilt me into going with her to a bday party and has gone in a bit of a strop when I’ve said I’d rather not (tbh I wouldn’t mind but she always said no to me and always said it’s only a couple hours and that she hated being around noisy kids) Aibu to not go because she always refused to with me to a point where she’d just laugh and say no way I’m going just read on ur phone. I’m feeling like it’s petty but I just find it a bit annoying.

OP posts:
SilverTotoro · 27/01/2023 11:40

OP I’m sorry for your loss. After my Dad died our family rallied round and I don’t know how my mum would have managed without them. That you had no family support is disgraceful and your sister should be ashamed of herself. In your position I would also refuse to help her now.

I suspect the people commenting on here that you are entitled have never experienced the devastation losing a parent has on a family. When your DCs are older they’ll be so grateful to you for holding everything together for them.

dancinfeet · 27/01/2023 11:53

OP, I think it was your sister’s right to choose whether to help you out with childcare when your fiancé died (whether morally she should or shouldn’t have is another matter). However she is a CF of the highest order to expect you to help her out now. Tell her no, not now, not ever will you be helping her out, even in a dire situation of the worst kind, because she was not there for you when you needed her most.

mommydragonn · 28/01/2023 16:27

So this time it's accompanying her to a party, not long until she expects free childcare from you as your kids are now a little older. No way you need to do anything for her as she wasn't there for you at a really shitty time. Just politely make some excuse and move on. Spend your precious time with your children. More fun for you now as they are independent. While she can feel sorry for herself being stuck with a toddler.

AdInfinitum12 · 28/01/2023 16:30

I'm not saying the birthday parties/childcare/etc issues on both sides are correct, but what I would say is if my sibling's partner died unexpectedly and she was suddenly a single parent I know I'd be the most involved auntie and support system for my sibling. I'd hate for someone I love to feel like they were doing everything alone after the death of a partner. I can only sympathise with you OP but I'm sorry you didn't feel supported at the time x

Murdoch1949 · 28/01/2023 17:54

What a shitty family. A sudden death to a young family like yours must have been devastating. You needed your family to step up - babysit, take the children out, have them overnight, cook you meals, invite you to join their outings .... They massively let you down when you needed a hug. Don't go to any parties with sister, she needs to put her big girls'pants on, like you did.

DesertRose64 · 28/01/2023 17:57

mynameisnotkate · 26/01/2023 16:36

I think PP are being a bit harsh. It was an awful situation for you, some support from the family would have made a real difference. So I can see it is galling when they expect you to provide for them what they wouldn’t for you, even though they don’t need it in the same way you did.

I’m with you on this - don’t indulge her.

spot on.

But I would perhaps say why I wasn’t accompanying her.

user1492757084 · 31/01/2023 07:24

It is sad that you had no support after your great loss.
Perhaps, now your sister knows what it's like to have a child, she understands better.
The relationship with your sister in the future and the relationship she has with your kids is what is most important.
So forget about tit-for-tat and behave the way you'd have wanted your sister to be years ago. Show your kids how to be a supportive family.

Attend some of the parties. Make the times you share fun and memorable and many. And give your own children warm memories of their Aunt and boy cousin to fall back on in the future when they are wondering how to support each other as young parents.
You can't change the past but you can improve the furure.

mamailla · 31/01/2023 11:10

user1492757084 · 31/01/2023 07:24

It is sad that you had no support after your great loss.
Perhaps, now your sister knows what it's like to have a child, she understands better.
The relationship with your sister in the future and the relationship she has with your kids is what is most important.
So forget about tit-for-tat and behave the way you'd have wanted your sister to be years ago. Show your kids how to be a supportive family.

Attend some of the parties. Make the times you share fun and memorable and many. And give your own children warm memories of their Aunt and boy cousin to fall back on in the future when they are wondering how to support each other as young parents.
You can't change the past but you can improve the furure.

This is lovely

PaddyDingDong · 31/01/2023 11:12

Cakecakecheese · 26/01/2023 16:42

Yeah just tell her to read on her phone.

This. If I'm honest I'd go no contact with a sister like that. Your fiancé literally dropped dead and no one helped you and she acted like that? Who needs enemies with family like that. Poor you,- yes tell her to get ta fuck.

PaddyDingDong · 31/01/2023 11:13

mamailla · 31/01/2023 11:10

This is lovely

Show quote history

It really is actually - wish I could rise above things like that!

mamailla · 31/01/2023 11:58

PaddyDingDong · 31/01/2023 11:13

It really is actually - wish I could rise above things like that!

Show quote history

😂 me too!

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