To be slightly annoyed at my sister

[Spename84]

Almost 7 years ago now my fiancé and father of my 2 children passed away. I had to leave my job, who was mainly weekend work, to look after my 2 children because my sister wouldn’t look after them. She said it was because she wasn’t used to little children as she had none herself. For years I did everything with my kids alone. There were times like bday parties I did ask my sister to go with me just to keep me company as they can be boring sometimes but she always refused so I stopped asking and I have always done it myself. Well she now has a son in nursery who is getting party invites. She’s trying to guilt me into going with her to a bday party and has gone in a bit of a strop when I’ve said I’d rather not (tbh I wouldn’t mind but she always said no to me and always said it’s only a couple hours and that she hated being around noisy kids) Aibu to not go because she always refused to with me to a point where she’d just laugh and say no way I’m going just read on ur phone. I’m feeling like it’s petty but I just find it a bit annoying.

You were being unreasonable to expect her to look after your DCs every weekend so you could work when you could easily get a week day job and to attend birthday parties etc.

What difference does that make? OP would still have needed childcare if she worked week days.

TO SUPPORT THEM IN THEIR BEREAVEMENT FFS

Not sorry for shouting.

These responses are harsh and some quite cruel.

OP I don't think yabu, regardless of whether she had experience of small children or not a little support would have gone a long way.

Tell her no and to go alone like you had to. ❤️

You’re absolutely correct. I wouldn’t go either, she’s selfish. I’d remind her everytime you asked her to go. But I am petty 😂

You were being U for expecting your DS to do free childcare, even with dead boyfriend.
And entitled.
And she wasn’t wrong.

If you don’t want to help her, totally fine.
Don’t be so bitter though…
Again, she’s done nothing wrong, parents really need to stop assuming anyone else cares about your kids.

Why so nasty? "Dead boyfriend"? Is there any need?

Funny how you think the sister demanding accompaniment to kids parties has done nothing wrong, but OP asking the sister the same thing was being U.

Is logical thought usually this difficult for you, or did you make an exception so you could enjoy being a cunt about OP's bereavement?

So sorry for your loss. It must have been very hard for you in the early days without getting the support you wanted from your family.

However, you could remind your sister that when you asked for help, she wasn't always forthcoming . Now that she has a child of her own, she's more likely to understand how difficult it was for you back then. Maybe if she acknowledges this, it might help you to forgive her and allow you to have a better relationship with her in the future?

Holding onto feelings of hurt and resentment and wanting to punish your sister now by not helping out, won't change what's happened in the past and is unlikely to make you feel any happier.

Your sister is being very unreasonable. You had a sudden bereavement and she did not support you . I can understand why you wanted her to come to children's parties with you - to provide emotional support when you were grieving whilst looking after 2 young children (and on maternity leave with a 6 month old who presumably didn't sleep through and you presumably in shock and grief weren't sleeping either).
I don't think it is unusual for siblings to provide emotional support or emergency child care - she could have committed to weekends for a month or two to allow you to find a job with more suitable hours. You had been suddenly widowed - hardly in a position to perform well at a job interview..

For what it's worth my sisters stepped in massively when I suddenly divorced and had a newborn - my mother insisted I live with her for moral support, my sisters helped with childcare and emotionality supported me and it has brought us much closer.
For your sister , at 31 year , to not help you in your bereavement is shocking, and I'm not surprised you think less of her.

I had to leave my job, who was mainly weekend work, to look after my 2 children because my sister wouldn’t look after them. She said it was because she wasn’t used to little children as she had none herself.

This is not remotely unreasonable of her.

But I wouldn't be going to these parties whatever the relationship Witt my sister was like. These are parties of children you don't know, that your nephew has been invited to? I'd rather stick pins in my eyes.

I can understand your point of view OP. What goes around, comes around.
I had a similar situation with my sister and brother. Not at all interested in my kids, no other family around interested either and now they have kids, are annoyed that I'm not falling over myself to babysit or have their kids overnight. My children have never slept away from home at a family members house and to tell you the truth, I am not that interested in little kids at the moment after bringing up all of my own single handed. So OP you are not being unreasonable.

I think you should support your sister and go with her to the party if you want to. But, separately, you should also tell her how much it hurt you when she didn't support you in the past and that you're still feeling it. Give her a chance to think it over and make amends.

Yanbu but I accidentally clicked Yabu :) sorry

You reap what you sow.
Just tell her that and if she doesn't get it...tough.

I can't believe how you were treated by your family....very sad situation.

What difference does that make? OP would still have needed childcare if she worked week days.

Children can go to nursery or a childminder or school during the week, they can’t on the weekends.

It’s not the sisters fault that OP had to leave her job as it was a weekend one.

Looking after the children every now and then is fine and should be a no brainer, especially when your sister has lost her DH but doing childcare every weekend is a massive ask and as a single parent myself I wouldn’t put this on someone.

Not all working hours coincide with Nursery opening hours.

Wow,What a disgusting way to speak of someone's deceased loved one.

How very odd - I’ve never seen an aunt come along to a children’s party. You are both unreasonable bringing uninvited adults to a kids’ party. Usually one parents brings the child/ children.
i mean… kids’ parties are hell on earth, why would you want to do that to a childless person???

Sorry OP - previous post was meant for you @Spename84. I honestly do hope you come back to see many people agree with you x

To be honest your sister should have helped you. It was an awful situation for you to be in. Do not help her or go to parties with her.

@Nevermind31 Is this intended for the OP or regarding the aunt?

Is inviting random family members to parties your child is attending a thing? Surely that's a really weird thing to do.

If they're young enough to require a parent remains, one supervising adult goes with them unless you're good family friends and the invitation is actually also to both parents.

So ya-both-bu to ask each other to attend. You were also bu to expect your sister to give childcare every weekend.

But no yanbu not to attend the party.

'Dead boyfriend'?

That's an atrocious thing to think, let alone express.

That was really shitty of your sister, to not offer support for you after your DH passed away. I can't imagine my siblings doing anything so awful. Mine actually flew to the other side of the world to support me after my ex destroyed our lives and I was scrambling around picking up the pieces.

I'd just respond with an "I've done my dash with toddler parties now that mine are older. I survived attending them on my own when mine were young, I'm sure you'll be just fine doing it on your own like I did."