Husband bullying me to earn more

[JaffaMCCakey]

I work as a self employed specialist tutor in schools. I earn a reasonable amount (about £900 per week) we are in Wales so not exactly SE prices or cost of living.
DH also is self employed and we are comfortable financially.
However, as you’re all aware there are a lot of school holidays (12 weeks a year) and often school ask me to start then second week back in September (to let the children in settle in) and tell me not to bother coming last week of term (July) as it’s always so chaotic.
Over the year I therefore have 14 weeks off (through no fault of my own).
I have always worked a few evenings a week privately to earn an additional £200 per week (taking my weekly earnings to about £1100) and also allows a bit of money coming in during holidays (some children continue with me in holidays too).

I currently feel completely exhausted (I’m 50 so thinking it’s probably menopausal) and have therefore cut right back on the private work. I didn’t discuss this with DH as I feel I contribute enough to the home with my ‘day job’

We have two teenagers who are obviously no where near as much work as younger children, but I do the vast majority of household chores and always have done.
DH has suddenly noticed I’m no longer working evenings or weekends and has basically said I shouldn’t have dropped this work as the additional money we normally save to cover us during school holidays.

I’ve said I feel I earn enough and no longer want to do additional hours and he is basically guilt tripping me to work more by reminding me how much time off I get.
He is right, I do get a lot of time off but I don’t have the choice of working all year around (obviously) and just can’t bring myself to do all the private work I used to.

I now come home, relax and feel much happier, but he’s acting like I’m some sort of shirker and has made it clear I should increase my hours back up. He’s mentioned it many times and I feel bullied.

we have paid off our home, our bills are manageable and I feel content but he’s moaning about how we need to pay for a new bathroom etc and how because he is also self employed I have put us in a precarious position financially.

who is BU?

You seem very dismissive of the pension comments which are actually really helpful. It is a big oversight. Also what happens of the property value dropped significantly whe you want to take it. Your attitude to pension and retirement is extremely tax inefficient and doing it differently would save you a significant amount.

I'm not surprised he is concerned. Shocked that your accountant hasn't really highlighted this to you. You are throwing money down the drain.

I would be working the extra hours and putting the money in a pension fund. You’re only 50, another 17 years working to go and plenty of time to cut your hours later. £150k for a pension isn’t much, and neither is a £50k sum.

Hilarious. Many teens actually need a lot of input

If you would t be happy for him to drop the hours then why are you doing it? That’s not very fair is it? Maybe you could drop 10% each to be fair, or none until you’re older.

Not really no

You know what, working in schools tutoring is really demanding, intensive work and to work in the evenings as well is asking a lot for someone menopausal. You say you are currently exhausted, and that is good enough reason to drop the evening work, especially if you don't actually need the money.
You are actually earning quite good money, but if DH thinks you should earn more, discuss how much he earns, what hours he works, what his contribution to housework is. It may be that if he were to pay for a daily cleaner and someone to cook a few times a week and take over the household load generally then you might be less tired and able to work more. Or not. You are the one who knows how tired you are, and how bullied you feel.
He sounds like a greedy knob.

It’s not hilarious at all, of course they need a lot of input, but it’s hardly the same as having very young children- they’re needs are entirely different. Hardly any need to be so rude

Ok

Your lack of pension is a huge issue. I think that’s what you need to worry about to be fair. Personally I’d be doing the work and paying into a pension every penny extra I earned now.

She has teenagers! They don't need a lot of "looking after" in the way that small children do.
They also can do their share of household chores.

HTH

Exactly!

That is probably very prudent of you, but I’m sure we probably have a very different set of circumstances and aspirations

yes our circumstances are different, I am lucky enough to habe one of the few remaining final salary schemes and my aspiration is to retire at 60 and live comfortably

whag is your plan, it must be to work till you’re nearly 70?

I am unsure why you come across as pissy about your pension, it makes me think you have been told thus before and don’t like to hear it.

How would you feel if he's also struggling with his yearly work and wanted to cut back? Did you discuss how he's feeling and how you could both make changes? Is his work going as well as you believe or has he worries you don't know about ....sorry at only 50 I'm not getting the long hours argument but I know not many work through 55 hours 50 weeks a year at 60 and I don't have a choice were both self employed and facing Ulez as a major financial crisis and know neither can take a rest

OP, I don't need a pension, my DH has a mega one.

But, as I get tax relief on it, and every penny will help when we retire, I've got one since I started working. Even though it'll never be massive, I put as much as I can afford a year into it, and it'll be a comfortable one once I retire.

It's honestly well worth looking into.

If your on top of housework it's less than 2 hours a day though

Because she's got a property that she owns half of worth £300k? Quite a few people have property rather than a pension.

Is it jealousy OP? My DH would be odd at times when I was SE and I always it was a jealousy that I could take a day off if I wanted and he didn't have that ease. He was ridiculously keen for me to go back to PAYE when the chance arose

You’re only 50, you work 26-28 hours a week with 14 weeks holiday a year, your kids are teens and you’re too tired to do more. Have you been to your GP? This is not a normal level of tiredness, you really need to get this checked out.

150k in a property is nothing, especially if it’s a second properly, she will have capital gains tax . Property prices can also decline.

if she work 38 weeks of the year for 200 quid a week extra , and put it in her pension, she’d have 300k by the time she’s 60. And then some due to investment, she can then draw it down and live comfortably.

👍

A £150k share in a property doesn't feel like a terribly comprehensive pension plan. But OP says she has other irons in the fire.

I wish OP had posted this about her husband word for word to see the massively different views.

Ridiculous to unilaterally decide you can't be bothered to work as much when your husband is older, in poor health and it doesn't sound like you have a good handle on your retirement finances or plans!

I thing YABU
Your husband has poor health and works as much as he can to bring in the money, dropping hours without discussing with him is quite disrespectful I'd be fuming if my DH did that.
Also, if he concerned about pensions in your shoes.
You surely can't expect your husband to work all the hours god sends while you drop hours because you don't feel like working?
I'm not surprised your DH is pissed off!

I'm also 50, like OP. I would love to save £200 a week for 38 weeks a year and have £300000 by the time I am 60. Please can you tell me where I should be investing?