For DH not to take a loan out for his ex.

[Timeandthymeagain]

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DSS's mum has asked DH to take out a loan for 15k, so she can conduct some additional training to re register a qualification she has allowed to lapse. This is to provide DSS a better financial future.
She is unable to take out the loan herself.
She has asked family who have said no.
She is offering to repay the loan over 3 years, when she secures the role this training will enable her to eligible for.
DH and I provide DSS a very solid financial future.
DH, obviously said no. DSS is now refusing to speak to DH, for reasons unknown. He is 15.
Any advice? Or is this just a case of ignore and block? We've worked so hard to maintain a relationship with DSS in a hugely toxic environment and don't want this to mean we never see him again due to poisoning from his mother.

Because we've refused the loan she now wants maintenance addressed. But won't give us a figure on what she thinks she is entitled to, interesting in fact that she would be due to pay us when DSS moves in full time......DH had to pay 4K on school fees that she neglected to pay, he would have been unable to start the new year without them being paid. DH and I agreed that above all else if it comes to it we'd pay all his fees in addition to maintenance to get him through the next 3 years without disruption. I'm getting to the point that I might just give her the money to get her to fuck off.

Surely what she thinks she’s entitled to and what she’s ACTUALLY entitled to are 2 entirely different numbers.

pay her what’s fair, deduct the school fees or proportion etc and leave it at that. If she wants more, she can approach the court

she probably won’t

you’ve been more than fair, you’re putting the dc first and can prove this. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on.

We currently pay 1.5k per month, plus % of school fees, plus sports, plus birthdays, holidays, Christmas, clothes, school equipment and pocked money.

I'm getting to the point that I might just give her the money to get her to fuck off.

Then let me remind you of the old Russian fable about driving a sled through a snowy plain, being chased by winter-starved wolves, & throwing all your meat off the sled to distract them. The trick works like a dream.
Until they have devoured the meat.
You now have a meatless sled, & a pack of wolves behind you who know where the food went ...

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You realise that by putting things on MN you are putting them in the public domain and the Mail or whoever can pick them up without your permission? That disclaimer means nothing, except it might attract the attention of a journalist!

Because we've refused the loan she now wants maintenance addressed. But won't give us a figure on what she thinks she is entitled to

Who IS this woman, & what is her superpower?
Had DH ever gone legal over maintenance, or has he just been meekly throwing meat off his sled for several years?
We currently pay 1.5k per month, plus % of school fees, plus sports, plus birthdays, holidays, Christmas, clothes, school equipment and pocked money.

& DH's tactic is to ask her to name her new figure ..?
Genuinely - how does she do it? Is DH scared she's going to alienate the kids?

interesting in fact that she would be due to pay us when DSS moves in full time.
Yeah, you already know she won't bother.
Wolves don't pack picnic baskets for sledders.

The sensible thing to do at this point would be to go the formal route and go through CMS (or equivalent if you are not in UK)

Have you looked at what she would be entitled to via cms?

She is convinced that DH is underpaying her and that things like holidays, sports and private school fees don't count towards CMS.
Basically if we don't pay she will move DSS into another state, out of school away from mates etc