Page 2 | No offence but...

Millana · 2023-01-26T06:59:24+00:00

If someone says "no offence but you remind me of (famous person)", they don't think it's a compliment do they? Someone said that to me yesterday. I think the person they compared me to is fab so will take it as a compliment but I don't think it was meant that way? I've not said who on purpose as I wanted general thoughts.

Original poster

Millana · 26/01/2023 08:31

@watchfulwishes

Yes. I definately need a few stock phrases as I normally just giggle and say "it's ok" even when it isn't.

I'd struggle to say "in what way do I remind you of x?" because it seems a bit like fishing for compliments even when it's blatently not.

So yes, "what do you want me to take from that?" is a good reply.

As I say, I've just had so many mean things said to/about me recently. I'm starting to worry I'm being paranoid but there is no way some of things could be anything but insulting.

I don't know what I've done to upset people!

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 26/01/2023 08:34

Motnight · 26/01/2023 07:07

In my opinion when someone starts a sentence with 'No offence but...' 9 times out of 10 they are about to deliberately e spectacularly rude!

Definitely.

It's like "I mean this kindly, OP"...

Justleaveitblankthen · 26/01/2023 08:40

Yes, these are the same people who, "I speak as I find, me" 🙄
HBC is gorgeous. Did you see her on Graham Norton last week? She was sinking the 'pop' she was drinking 😂🍻 Love her.

ElBandito · 26/01/2023 08:41

Anyone who says 'no offence but...' is about to be offensive.

Similarly anyone who says 'with respect...' has no respect for you at all.

Patineur · 26/01/2023 08:44

In the case of the HBC comparison, I hope you thanked whoever it was for the compliment?

TheGuv1982 · 26/01/2023 08:47

I spent about 10 years hearing “no offence, but you look like Russel Brand” (I don’t).

MistyRock · 26/01/2023 08:52

Millana · 26/01/2023 07:36

It was Helena Bohan Carter. I know she is generally loved on MN so didn't want that to skew the responses.

It was the "no offence" bit that showed the person's intention I think, not HBC.

I'd love that, she's definitely not boring. In my late teens I was told by someone that I reminded them of Jarvis Cocker (I'm female). I was a bit miffed at the time but actually it's quite a complement as I was into my indie then and he's quite striking. 😊

Copperfield27 · 26/01/2023 08:54

"I'm sorry but" is a bit of a language tic so it would depend on context and intent, I don't think it's always negative at all. It may be that the speaker has a high opinion of the person you're being compared to but s/he doesn't know whether you share that high opinion - after all we all find different people attractive. Or they may have been trying to place you and realised that you look familiar because you remind them of someone else so are trying to explain why they've been staring or looking askance at you. It's also very common for one person to see a resemblance which is not remotely obvious to another observer.

It's generally pretty easy to tell whether someone is trying to give a compliment, however clumsy, and unless I'm in a All-World-Die-Now mood I take it as intended.

BunchHarman · 26/01/2023 08:55

The sort of people who say ‘no offence, but…’ tend to be the nasty bitchy/twat types who like embarrassing and being arseholes to people in front of others.

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/01/2023 08:55

GoodChat · 26/01/2023 07:03

"No offence but" means I'm about to be unkind and you're not allowed to get offended because I warned you.

This.

See also:

“I’m not being funny but…”
”I’m not being racist but…”
”Don’t take this the wrong way…”

Its a get out of jail free card from someone who knows full well they are about to say something unkind or offensive but wants to provide air cover.

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/01/2023 08:59

Copperfield27 · 26/01/2023 08:54

"I'm sorry but" is a bit of a language tic so it would depend on context and intent, I don't think it's always negative at all. It may be that the speaker has a high opinion of the person you're being compared to but s/he doesn't know whether you share that high opinion - after all we all find different people attractive. Or they may have been trying to place you and realised that you look familiar because you remind them of someone else so are trying to explain why they've been staring or looking askance at you. It's also very common for one person to see a resemblance which is not remotely obvious to another observer.

It's generally pretty easy to tell whether someone is trying to give a compliment, however clumsy, and unless I'm in a All-World-Die-Now mood I take it as intended.

I do think this phrase is used as a bit of a disclaimer.

I have a friend who prefaces any unkind comment with, “I have to say….” Before launching into a sweeping and misdirected burst of offensive invective.

I have started interrupting her to say: “You don’t have to say. You want to say. Just learn to go without.@

Bananadramallamas · 26/01/2023 09:01

The way I handle these comments is to look upset and ask "do you mean in a bad way?..." and leave a long space for them to start backtracking and or apologise. Try it. It works.

Thatladdo · 26/01/2023 09:15

No offence but... Usualy heard right before something pretty brainless and offensive.

Although, theres a lot of people out there whos command of english is so poor that it could also mean that they are just a bit... 🙄Lacking.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/01/2023 09:32

Neededanewuserhandle · 26/01/2023 07:04

Was it Hitler?

Elephant man?

Chelsea26 · 26/01/2023 10:34

Years ago when the first Bridget Jones movie came out I had loads and loads of people saying to me “Don’t take this the wrong way but… do you know who you remind me of? …Bridget Jones”

They were concerned because of the sad singleton side but I actually couldn’t be offended because I totally got it, not on the sad singleton side but on the slightly clumsy, getting into bizarre situations, no filter on your mouth side, I am like Bridget Jones 😂

By the time the second and third films came out it went “Don’t take this the wrong way but… do you know who you remind me of?” “Yes”

Original poster

Millana · 26/01/2023 14:01

It was my cousin who said it. She's about my age but I don't really know her. I see her a couple of times a year a most. She seems nice enough but a bit just-telling-it-like-it-is-ish.

I asked a friend about it and she said now she thought about it, that apparently our mannerisms are quite similar in the sofa advert. That has left me none the wiser!

My friend agreed that being compared to HBC is NOT a bad thing even if it was meant to be.

I think so many (undeniably nasty) insults have been thrown at me recently from various places that I'm feeling a bit bruised and sensitive.

OP posts:

Anyotherdude · 26/01/2023 15:08

I didn’t even get a “No Offence But” caveat - apparently I look like Vanessa Felz. I replied “You look like you need a new set of prescription glasses”.

Wdib78 · 26/01/2023 15:11

The best reply "no but lots taken..."

Wdib78 · 26/01/2023 15:13

At least it wasn't Auntie Val from League of Gentlemen or Cousin it which I have been compared to in the past.

melonfruit · 26/01/2023 15:47

GoodChat · 26/01/2023 07:03

"No offence but" means I'm about to be unkind and you're not allowed to get offended because I warned you.

This!!!

I think if they felt the need to say "no offence but" they probably thought it was going to be offensive and are trying to cover their back.

I also hate it when people say "I'm sorry but" it just shows they're not actually sorry!

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 26/01/2023 15:58

I had a hedge cutter guy knock on my door (uninvited) and say no offence but ... and then started laughing and pointing at the overgrown hedges. And he was hoping I'd employ him.

MistyRock · 26/01/2023 16:22

Anyotherdude · 26/01/2023 15:08

I didn’t even get a “No Offence But” caveat - apparently I look like Vanessa Felz. I replied “You look like you need a new set of prescription glasses”.

I love this.

GoodChat · 26/01/2023 17:05

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 26/01/2023 15:58

I had a hedge cutter guy knock on my door (uninvited) and say no offence but ... and then started laughing and pointing at the overgrown hedges. And he was hoping I'd employ him.

To be fair, that's funny and I'd probably give him the work.

Someone doesn't need to be invited to knock on your door.

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 26/01/2023 19:54

GoodChat · 26/01/2023 17:05

To be fair, that's funny and I'd probably give him the work.

Someone doesn't need to be invited to knock on your door.

Show quote history

Ah well, we all have a different idea of what's funny I guess.

I do have a sign on my door asking people not to knock - no uninvited traders etc - which he ignored.

Secretstupendous · 26/01/2023 21:47

Someone wise once said to me that everything before the "but" is bullshit.

No offence but ..... (something offensive)

Sorry but ...(blah blah not actually sorry at all)

She's really nice but ... (something scathing that suggests you actually hate this person but don't want anyone to think that you're horrible)

It's all a bit cowardly, isn't it?