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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike and resent my dh because of his snoring?

104 replies

Toadybum · 26/01/2023 00:52

He refuses to do anything about it. He often twitches in his sleep as well.

I've put up with it for years. I miss going to bed in peace so much. I wear earplugs but they don't help with the vibration and the twitching. I've started being resentful and grumpy during the day. I am currently in dds room - she's away at uni but I feel uncomfortable being in there. He's annoyingly wounded in the morning which makes me want to shout at him. It's honestly ruining our marriage.

OP posts:
Youdoyoubabe · 26/01/2023 00:55

Snoring is a nightmare. Me and DH both bother each other at times with it.

Sleeping pills help. Having a different room to go in is a life saver..... holidays can be a bit tiring if in a hotel room!

I would get DD a nice new big comfy bed and new bedding.... and then sleep in there almost all the time!!

CombatBarbie · 26/01/2023 01:11

Youdoyoubabe · 26/01/2023 00:55

Snoring is a nightmare. Me and DH both bother each other at times with it.

Sleeping pills help. Having a different room to go in is a life saver..... holidays can be a bit tiring if in a hotel room!

I would get DD a nice new big comfy bed and new bedding.... and then sleep in there almost all the time!!

I'm sat downstairs and can hear him snoring..... Of course he doesn't snore and I sleep from the minute my head hits the pillow til the alarm goes off.

But will mention when I've elbowed him etc out of frustration.... Stops for about 30sexonds then starts again.

He had this herbal snuff stuff when we visited a souk in marrocco a few years back and it worked!!! But he's none left.

Original poster
Toadybum · 26/01/2023 01:14

Dd wants a new double bed - guess it's time to shell out for one! His dad was the same, terrible snoring, never did anything about it, always sulked if anyone mentioned it or complained.

OP posts:
LHReturns · 26/01/2023 01:14

Until he has tried EVERYTHING ( surgery, bespoke mouth guard, CPAP) then he hasn’t tried hard enough. Ultimate disrespect to you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/01/2023 01:18

His dad was the same, terrible snoring, never did anything about it, always sulked if anyone mentioned it or complained.

His dad WAS the same? Is his dad deceased? Early? Because snoring should be checked out because apnea can be linked to other health issues.

Original poster
Toadybum · 26/01/2023 01:19

His dad died last year sadly. He was 90!

OP posts:
RiverSkater · 26/01/2023 01:26

I feel the same. Sick of the ear plugs. He also twitches and farts. Buys the occasional mouth guard or spray etc, uses it for a while then it's back to snore ville.

AutumnCrow · 26/01/2023 01:27

Maybe he just doesn’t want to do anything about it because it would involve a lifestyle change he can’t be bothered to make, like losing weight or packing in smoking or cutting down on the booze.

Its very selfish not to even try.

BabyOnBoard90 · 26/01/2023 01:27

YABU.

If one could just press a button and never snore they would. People can't control what they do when they're sleep. Most treatment for snoring is just useless advice.

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 01:27

AutumnCrow · 26/01/2023 01:27

Maybe he just doesn’t want to do anything about it because it would involve a lifestyle change he can’t be bothered to make, like losing weight or packing in smoking or cutting down on the booze.

Its very selfish not to even try.

Agree 100%.

ImSoConfusedAboutItAll · 26/01/2023 01:28

I am literally unable to get to sleep right now because of my husband snoring loudly next to me. He has sleep apnea too but even though I've recorded him and shown him and it's ruining our marriage he still refuses to do anything about it. He has other health problems like depression which I am convinced are linked to the apnea. I've just had to nudge him after he stopped breathing for a good 20 seconds. I feel your pain and I cry some nights that I have nowhere else to sleep!

Original poster
Toadybum · 26/01/2023 01:31

ImSoConfusedAboutItAll · 26/01/2023 01:28

I am literally unable to get to sleep right now because of my husband snoring loudly next to me. He has sleep apnea too but even though I've recorded him and shown him and it's ruining our marriage he still refuses to do anything about it. He has other health problems like depression which I am convinced are linked to the apnea. I've just had to nudge him after he stopped breathing for a good 20 seconds. I feel your pain and I cry some nights that I have nowhere else to sleep!

Oh god you poor thing. I'm feeling blessed to have dds room now, even though she has an uncomfortable single bed and no electric blanket ‐ I treated us to a lovely thick sherpa fleece electric blanket in October and I'm sad I don't get to use it.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 26/01/2023 01:38

Toadybum · 26/01/2023 01:31

Oh god you poor thing. I'm feeling blessed to have dds room now, even though she has an uncomfortable single bed and no electric blanket ‐ I treated us to a lovely thick sherpa fleece electric blanket in October and I'm sad I don't get to use it.

Show quote history

I'd be going and removing said blanket for you to use in DDs bed

Original poster
Toadybum · 26/01/2023 01:40

CombatBarbie · 26/01/2023 01:38

I'd be going and removing said blanket for you to use in DDs bed

Show quote history

That wouldn't work as of course its a lovely King sized one

OP posts:
LorW · 26/01/2023 01:43

YANBU. I think him not even trying to do anything about it is the problem. My DH is not overweight, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, he does have a deviated septum which he has had surgery on however it wasn’t a fix all and he still snores exceptionally loudly sometimes. I just wear earplugs and play white noise for the bad nights. He should be exploring why he snores and at least try to fix it. Do you have a superking bed with a decent mattress? We got one with a simba mattress and I can’t feel any of the vibrations since we got it.

As for the twitching, he can’t really control that when he’s asleep so YABU about that.

Original poster
Toadybum · 26/01/2023 01:48

Yes it's a huge bed with a lovely expensive comfy mattress
I miss it

OP posts:
LHReturns · 26/01/2023 01:50

OP, I’m so sorry. He thinks his sleep is more important than yours. Totally changed my marriage when same happened to me.

Jux · 26/01/2023 01:53

When dh and I were first married, he snored like a rhino, keeping me awake, so I do know what it's like.

What I did was rub his arm gently, whisper "you're snoring, turn over" and he'd turn over without waking. Then I could sleep. Sometimes I'd be asleep and his snoring would wake me, but the same procedure worked. Why wake someone, who'll only feel upset or pissed off and probably keep you awake even longer?

Deal with it quietly and you'll both sleep better.

Geppili · 26/01/2023 01:54

I feel your pain! I just cannot believe how loud snoring can be! My Ddog snores at my feet too. And they both fart liberally and without shame. I'm a lone female in my household.

Jeezypeepers · 26/01/2023 01:55

Why is he, the fucking snorer that refuses to do anything about it despite SEEING the effect it has on you, in the big bed?? Boot him out into your daughter’s room and take your bed back. Tell him he’s welcome to come back once he’s sorted his snoring. Urgh these men! Read about it all the time on here and it drives me crackers Angry The issue is with HIM, the onus should be on HIM to bloody move.

Jux · 26/01/2023 01:58

Sorry didn't read your other posts.

I think it's time you started taking turns for the nice big bed, don't you? So how lond has he had it all to himself for now?

Jux · 26/01/2023 02:00

And then just don't let him back in until he's sorted out his snoring.

2013isback · 26/01/2023 02:16

The refusal to even TRY to find a resolution is awful. So is the sulking. His snoring, at the moment, is a huge obstace and discomfort to you and none at all to him. He knows he does it, knows it bothers you, knows you've done all you can to live with it (earplugs, daughter's room), and knows that any possible further fix is up to him to initiate. I'd be making things less comfortable for him until he at least tries to care about your comfort.

(Of course, some people really try everything and can't find a resolution, but he doesn't fall into that category.)

atoxk · 26/01/2023 02:21

What can you do to stop the snoring. No one wants to snore but are there any actual ways to stop ?

sjpkgp1 · 26/01/2023 02:26

You can't just "sort out snoring", it helps if you are not overweight, not drunk, not full of cold, but if you have ruled these possibly controllable three out, you have a snorer on your hands, and there is some medical help out there for those that don't have any of the three above. All that said, snoring is dreadful for the non-snorer, ear plugs, another room, and getting to sleep before them help. Including getting up in the middle of the night to go there. And no offense should be taken. My main issue has always been not the snoring, but the complete denial that it was that bad.