To dislike and resent my dh because of his snoring?

[Toadybum]

He refuses to do anything about it. He often twitches in his sleep as well.

I've put up with it for years. I miss going to bed in peace so much. I wear earplugs but they don't help with the vibration and the twitching. I've started being resentful and grumpy during the day. I am currently in dds room - she's away at uni but I feel uncomfortable being in there. He's annoyingly wounded in the morning which makes me want to shout at him. It's honestly ruining our marriage.

[TomPinch]

@lightand

Twitching in sleep - again my DH. Cutting back a lot on his strong caffinated coffee has helped with that.

Tried that - in fact I gave up.

Didn't work a bit.

For sure, it'll work for some but in fact no one knows for sure what causes RLS.

It's a really horrible feeling.

[Toadybum]

@TomPinch

Tried that - in fact I gave up.

Didn't work a bit.

For sure, it'll work for some but in fact no one knows for sure what causes RLS.

It's a really horrible feeling.

He doesn't have RLS. He is fast asleep throughout the twitching.

Up early banging about at 6.30, stalking around doing laundry and other chores. Didn't speak to me until I said good morning. Sulking. It's pathetic.

[Toadybum]

@comfortablylesslumpy

It's horrible, OP.
Mine was the same, wouldn't do anything about it and I had years of awful sleep.
Really gave me the Ick.

Get yourself a nice blanket for DD's room and enjoy some good sleep.

Yy! It is giving me the ick if I'm honest. A few years ago he started getting fit and that really helped,but he's stopped all that.

He's a bit depressed, his dad died,he's doing all his mum's financial stuff plus his business isn't going well. I can understand the last thing he needs is a miserable moaning wife but I need sleep!

[bluecrayola]

Oh it's tough, OP. If you can afford to, get a decent bed for your DD's room (with an electric blanket!) and take it in turns to use that room - as in, he has it for a week and then you do. (Make sure he changes the bedding so it's not just an extra job for you)

[Zebedee55]

My DH snores for Britain and also has to have a CPap machine rattling on all night.😳

I use Macks silicon ear plugs - brilliant, and I'm finally getting a good nights sleep.👍

[Toadybum]

I have the spark plugs foam ones and they are the best I've tried. But the snoring is so loud and deep and vibratey that it still doesn't help.

Some nights I sleep through, so not sure why I'm more sensitive some nights.

Last year I had a really bad build up of compressed ear wax from using ear plugs. Cost me 90 to get them cleaned out. Still no attempt to help or sensitivity from dh. Once I told him I'd read somewhere that a mouthguard might help. He asked me three times to find out which one it was but tbh I think it's up to him to bloody research it!!

[Toadybum]

Dd and I went to a sports thing and camped. She didn't want him to come because his snoring is so bad it would have disturbed all the people around us . Still no attempt to get it sorted, so dd and I went on our own.

[labamba007]

Is there any way of you both permanently sleeping in separate rooms? It seems drastic, and I love my husband but it's wonderful being in separate rooms (he'd say the same thing!)

[xogossipgirlxo]

Oh OP I feel for you. My husband was sleeping in the living room last night 😂I told him to sort out his snoring before baby arrives- needs to try different things, still has 6 months. Also this time should be use to lose weight, which he knows about. Otherwise one of use moves out of bedroom, which I know he'd hate because he likes sleeping together and wants to help with baby at night.

[ImBlueDab]

So he expects you to have no sleep whatsoever, and will sulk if you don't let him keep you awake. Can he not see how unreasonable and down right selfish this is of him.

Can you imagine if you put this scenario in any other context.

I'm going to refuse to give you any food if you're hungry, and sulk if you go and eat

I'm going to hit you, and sulk if you won't let me.

I'm going to sleep with other women and not talk to you if you don't let me.

[Toadybum]

Yeah it's really annoying. We aren't getting on very well generally at the moment. I'm panicking a bit that our life is just going to be this boring and sulky for the next 30 years god willing.

[ToffeeNotCoffee]

as soon as we go to bed, I am on edge, as experience has taught me that he again will be snoring his head off. So my psychological state is all on edge before he even closes his eyes.
Next morning, holding down employment, is another BIG problem.
You become unable to concentrate, have less patience, and probably a danger on the roads if you are a driver.
Anyone that minimises your lack of sleep and the aftermath, is an inconsiderate ignorant person, and should be disregarded.
By all means, if you have the space to sleep separately…. even if that means the sofa… the snorer(s) should be the ones to decamp. Especially the snorers who refuse to seek help.
I can see why it causes divorce in some cases.
it’s NOT funny, it’s bloody traumatic.

This^ I agree. I've changed the tense (no pun) of the quote. I'm married to and sleep with a snorer.

We've used throat sprays, nose cones. He's been to his doctor about it who, for some reason, thought it was related to his prostate gland. Erm...?

A blood test showed there was no problem with this prostate but my husband didn't follow up anymore about his snoring.

Having his ears syringed does the trick. He has his done every couple of years. A few days before the appointment he puts some sort of lubricant from the pharmacy in his ear canal/s. At the request of the practitioner to soften his ear wax ready for removal.

Every four weeks or so, when his snoring is becoming problematic again. I say to him, 'can you do your ears, please' which just means I want him to put that pre-ear syringing lubricant in his ears.

I decamp to the spare room (I'm lucky I know) when his snoring is preventing me from falling asleep and I'm getting so fucking wound up about it that I....yes you've guessed, can't fall asleep.

I wear ear plugs but I can still hear him. I too can feel the vibrations through the metal bed springs. Just as annoying.

When my heart is pounding with frustration I decamp to the spare room.

I then have to start the whole calm down and fall asleep process all.over.again.

The most maddening part ? The minute I get out of bed, he stops snoring. No point getting back into bed the snoring recommences.

[Eixample]

The snoring is irrelevant. He doesn’t care about your well-being. What will it be like to age with a person who doesn’t care about your well-being? Would he nurse you through an illness?
Perhaps counselling or a separation might lead him to take it seriously.
He seems to have learned from his father that he will lose face if he talk about it, so he would have to be willing to unpack that.

[gamerchick]

@BabyOnBoard90

YABU.

If one could just press a button and never snore they would. People can't control what they do when they're sleep. Most treatment for snoring is just useless advice.

Doesn't mean the selfish fuckers get to be wounded when their partners chooses to sleep elsewhere though. Snorers who don't even bother with a sleep clinic are selfish.

Separate bedrooms can save a marriage. Fuck their feelings on it.

[Toadybum]

@gamerchick

Doesn't mean the selfish fuckers get to be wounded when their partners chooses to sleep elsewhere though. Snorers who don't even bother with a sleep clinic are selfish.

Separate bedrooms can save a marriage. Fuck their feelings on it.

Quite.

It's the wounded sulking.

He hates any kind of criticism ‐ ie he drives dd to school. He always leaves at the last minute then drives really fast to make the time. I've said please can he leave 5 minute's earlier then he doesn't have to rush to get her there. He got sulky as he thought I was criticising his driving and because he was driving dd to school should be above criticism. He then skidded on the ice the next day so now I am driving dd to school despite it being in totally the opposite direction to my work.

[ToffeeNotCoffee]

My husband doesn't like it when I sleep in the spare room. Which I only do when his snoring is preventing me from falling asleep. Again.

He does say sorry for his snoring, but then does nothing to sort it.

However, when I go back to bed in the morning a few minutes before the radio alarm kicks in (he has been known to come into the spare room and get me.) He asks, 'was I snoring ?' Yes is the inevitable answer.

Oh, ok, I'll do my ears tonight. So, fair enough. He's willing to address it as it keeps me in the same bed at night with him. That arrangement suits me as well.

I've said, once I've fallen asleep he can snore his head off as I won't hear it through my silicone was ear plugs. His snoring isn't actually that loud. No point telling myself not to get stressed about it. Doesn't work.

I can only liken it to the volume level of a squeaky door hinge. Not that loud but if you heard that 500 times a day, couldn't fix it and for some reason had to stay put and never got used to it it would drive you bananas.

[Blossomandbee]

I'm in the same boat. DH snores like a pig, seems to be getting steadily worse. Ear plugs don't drown him out and I don't sleep comfortably in them anyway. He's asleep literally the second his head touches the pillow so I've no chance of getting to sleep first.
He's occasionally gone down to sleep on the sofa, but it's under duress and he sulks.
He's carrying a lot of excess weight and I'm sure that's a factor if not the cause. He's no intention of doing anything about it. I would be lying if I said it hadn't changed my feelings for him.

[ToffeeNotCoffee]

*silicone wax

[BatshitCrazyWoman]

My exH was like this. You could hear his snoring outside in the street even with the windows closed. He refused to believe he had an issue that affected the whole family, especially me. Refused to do anything about it, we all had to just suck it up. He was also a bell end about many other things too, hence we're divorced and I sleep quietly and peacefully in my bed 🙂

[Jux]

I have been a snorer since I was pg with dd who is now 23! DH always was, and dd is too. Both my parents were. I'm wondering how great a part hereditability plays in snoring; that would take away some of the implied/inferred criticism which is inevitable once one starts talking about snoring TO the snorer; might help a bit, and encourage them to see a gp?

Unfortunately, dh had no consept of dealing with my snoring quietly, as I did with his. He would make as much fuss and noise as a 2 year old having a tantrum, and then neither of us got much sleep.

We do now have separate rooms which is great. I have MS and find sleep increasingly difficult due to pain anyway, so wake in the night quite often. In my own room I can read to my heart's content until I fall asleep again. Same for dh. I can still hear him snoring, and he me, but it doesn't keep either of us awake any more.

We've had to forego a guest bedroom, so we can't put people some people up - a great shame - but we have camp beds and things which can go in the sitting room, and our kitchen is big so we just all sit about in there if someone's staying. It's just not as comfortable for them as I'd like and my more elderly relatives can't stay.

I'm so glad I read this thread. Thank you to everyone for helping me to understand how bad the problem can be (and appreciate how lucky I am in my circumstances).

[lightand]

@Toadybum

He doesn't have RLS. He is fast asleep throughout the twitching.

Up early banging about at 6.30, stalking around doing laundry and other chores. Didn't speak to me until I said good morning. Sulking. It's pathetic.

My DH doesnt have rls either.

He twitches in lots of different places.

[atoxk]

@ImBlueDab

So he expects you to have no sleep whatsoever, and will sulk if you don't let him keep you awake. Can he not see how unreasonable and down right selfish this is of him.

Can you imagine if you put this scenario in any other context.

I'm going to refuse to give you any food if you're hungry, and sulk if you go and eat

I'm going to hit you, and sulk if you won't let me.

I'm going to sleep with other women and not talk to you if you don't let me.

That is not a reasonable comparison. Some men choose to abuse partners. No one chooses to snore just to abuse their partner depriving them of sleep, they don't even know they snore.

[Hoolihan]

My STBXH is exactly like this. I once slept on the landing in a holiday cottage at 8 months pregnant as there was nowhere else to go and he got angry every time I nudged him. I used to have to get in with my DD or decamp to the sofa at least 2 or 3 nights a week. He also did the sulking the following morning.

We've split up now and the joy of sleeping peacefully all night every night will never get old! Added bonus my room no longer smells of farts, onion breath and stale booze.

[Railwayroad]

There are no quick and easy fixes to snoring. Lots of the ‘cures’ don’t work. Including surgery. Also, trying to get a referral to a sleep clinic? Good luck.

Separate rooms have such a stigma but I think it’s often the best option for a chronic snorer.

[Whatheactualchuff]

This makes me laugh