To dislike and resent my dh because of his snoring?

[Toadybum]

He refuses to do anything about it. He often twitches in his sleep as well.

I've put up with it for years. I miss going to bed in peace so much. I wear earplugs but they don't help with the vibration and the twitching. I've started being resentful and grumpy during the day. I am currently in dds room - she's away at uni but I feel uncomfortable being in there. He's annoyingly wounded in the morning which makes me want to shout at him. It's honestly ruining our marriage.

I get twichy legs / RLS. Nightmare.

Horrible feeling - and in hotter times of year it can ruin my sleep for days on end.

Ten years on the couch in the living room before I got my own room.

This ^^
DH started snoring about 8 years ago. It got worse and worse until he developed sleep apnoea, which got so bad that he now has a CPAP machine.

Anyone who snores and refuses to do anything about it is selfish.

Tough if he hates being in a separate room. The solution is in his hands.

I'd start pushing it back on him

'Where did you go'
'You forced me into the spare room'
'No I didn't'
'Yes you did, you were snoring and haven't done anything to try and stop it'
'I can't help it'
'Go to the doctors'
'I don't want to'
'Well I'll keep sleeping in the spare room/dd room'

I'd even upgrade her bed and go in there when she's not there, I'd start off there too and not get up and move in the night (more disruption)

My dh ended up having surgery to cure his snoring. I think it's hugely selfish to keep another person awake and not even take a trip to the gp or even the chemist about it

Having two pillows propped at a bit of an incline to the headboard, helped stop my DH quite a bit.

Apparently there are two types of snorers. Ones who snore through their nose. And ones who snore through their mouth. Mine is a mouth one from what I can remember right now.

Have you recorded him? Maybe hearing himself would encourage him

Twitching in sleep - again my DH. Cutting back a lot on his strong caffinated coffee has helped with that.

I snore and I had a heart attack because of sleep apnoea. I now have a CPAP machine which stops my snoring and protects my heart. All he has to do is wear an oxygen type nose piece to save his matting and his life but he won't do it ff's.

We were in a similar situation a few years ago. When I found out the health risks (increased risk of heart attacks etc) I told DH how much it worried me and he agreed to see the GP to get tested for sleep apnea. He was referred to a sleep clinic and now uses a cpap machine.

The difference is huge- literally no more snoring (or twitching/stopping breathing) and much better quality of sleep. It has taken a huge strain off our relationship. You have my sympathy op, I hope he sees sense and gets some medical help- too many people accept severe snoring/apnea as normal and put their health and relationship at risk.

Same here. It wasn't this bad when we first got together but as the weight has piled on the snoring has become unbearable. We have 2 small children and due to needing sleep during pregnancies etc and then not wanting to disturb the babies whilst they were in our room, it's become the norm that we sleep separately with him on the sofa. Can't even stand him in the spare room opposite as it's too loud.

I miss the cuddles and bedtime affection. I miss the pillow chat. I just miss this massive chunk of our relationship. I don't particularly want sex because it feels like it is a "thing" now, he's never in the bed so if he came to bed it would be just for sex and then he'd leave. Its ruining our relationship and marriage, and no matter what I say and how I tell him this nothing changes.

I've told him before I think his snoring will be the end of our marriage because I want to one day just have a single night where there isn't a thought process of some degree - thinking about sleeping arrangements or having to be woken in the night.

I feel really sad about it.

I've asked so many times for him to get help, but he won't.

Nope. My sleep is just as important as his. He gets relegated to the sofa. It's so selfish to ruin someone's sleep and then be pissed off when they've had enough of it.

What happens when you aren't a loud snorer though?
DH is an incredibly light sleeper, everything wakes him up, then he wakes me up and makes sure he tosses, turns and puts on yet another sleep story all while complaining about something.
No-one else complains about my snoring, ex's haven't, Mum and kids haven't when we go away, just him....I snore when I first fall asleep, though because he wakes me up 3+ times a night it probably happens more yet he won't consider ear plugs or one of those eyemasks that covers the ears.
I can't go to the doctor and say I lightly snore for 15 minutes when I first fall asleep and I need help
It's a 2 way thing.
I go to the spare room when I can't sleep or I'm restless and I expect him to take some responsibility for his sleep as well.

If it is only during those first few minutes why don't you just go to sleep before him?

Ynbu

If he talks to GP he will be assessed for Sleep apnoa. A CPAP device will cut out the snoring completely in most cases.
I’ve gone from being a snorer to SILENT immediately and also feel much more restlesss.
another friend uses a mandible device - his snoring could be heard by next door before he got that fitted!

Feel rested! Not restless!!!

It's horrible, OP.
Mine was the same, wouldn't do anything about it and I had years of awful sleep.
Really gave me the Ick.

Get yourself a nice blanket for DD's room and enjoy some good sleep.

@WhyCantPeopleBeNice if he’s waking you up because you snore then it’s not just the first mins.
but ear plugs for him should work if it is light snoring

This is what works for us too.

For anyone who thinks it may. E sleep apnoa - get assessed!
a guy I work with died in his sleep because of apnoa.

@Snoken I usually do, most nights I'm asleep nearly as soon as my head hits the pillow....but he seethes, even me falling asleep first annoys him so he does a huge thing of tossing, turning, fluffing his pillow. I seriously believe his PA behaviour is what keeps him awake more than my snoring.
I've even woken to him complaining I've fallen asleep!

I totally understand some people here who have loud partners who snore, but the anger it builds will not help them sleep.
I sleep well, I always have.
He does not.
I have bought him sleep teas, we stop caffeine from 12pm, we try and eat early so we have 3 hours before bed no eating, go to bed at a consistent time, pillow sprays, sleep stories... nothing works, (He's on his phone, i catch him having tea or coffee, he'll have yet another nightcap) yet somehow it's all my fault?!

Sorry I'm ranting, my point is, if you want to sleep together you need to work together, look at what you're doing as well, but simply being angry at someone and resentful makes the whole thing much worse

Huge sympathy OP, mine has snored since we got together 20 years ago due to a very thick tongue apparently. We have separate rooms which has solved the problem thankfully, someone asked what happens when couples who have separate rooms go on holiday? If we go abroad, I make sure there's a separate living room area in our apartment which one of us sleeps in, usually him. If it's just a hotel stay, I make sure we get a family room so there's a separate bed - a bit of distance and earplugs helps and my DH stays awake until I get to sleep.

It's not ideal but we make it work for us, my DH is a lovely man who genuinely feels bad about the sleep I lose out on because of him.

Ive just ordered Melatonin for this reason.I dont take it daily, but it works

OK, yea it sounds like the problem isn't solely the snoring. Some people are just not good sleeping partners. You'd probably both be relieved if you could sleep seperately. It sounds like he is really resenting you for being able to sleep undisturbed and that makes him so worked up that he can't sleep himself.

Get rid of him if he won't take responsibility for his issues. He's selfish and you can do better.

From the perspective of the throat snorer. I was repeatedly annoyingly wounded to find my DW upset and at her wits end about my 'night song'.

It got me down a lot and I regularly apologised and swore I'd get it sorted but what can you do?Throat foam for snoring didn't work, throat sprays didn't work, special pillows didn't work, gum shield to hold the jaw forward and open the airway worked until I took it out in my sleep because it was terribly uncomfortable, tennis ball in the t-shirt to keep me on my side might have been an option but I was snoring when i slept on my side. The only thing I could get to work was to lose weight but I was struggling to keep the weight off and would be back to my old weight if not heavier... literally snoring myself out of my relationship.

Sleep apnoea is serious. It's a contributor for weight gain, stroke, neurological issues and heart attacks and hearing this from tearful DW honestly was the kick up the behind I needed to go to extremes. I called the doc and told him my issues and got a sleep survey done. I may have over egged the answers to make sure i wasn't dismissed and that was the beginning of the resolution.

I was given a cpap machine by the NHS and have managed to regularly get through the whole night with it still on after about 6 months effort. I'm less lethargic, less grumpy, better rested and am registering on my smart watch as regularly having more than 30 mins deep sleep which is a first.

Another option is a mandibular device that is tailor made to fit in your mouth to hold the jaw forward but I didn't need it.

I mentioned I over egged the survey answers - i exaggerated and nearly lost my license. If your score on the survey exceeds 15 then they'll mark you as unfit to drive so i did the survey again honestly and managed to keep driving.

I’m torn on this one, my dh snores and I have insomnia and sometimes my loathing for him during the night is monumental! However I also snore and am overweight, if he told me I had to lose weight in order to stop snoring or I’d have to sleep in the spare room I would be very hurt not to mention furious! Dh is a heavy sleeper so luckily my snoring doesn’t bother him, I’m a light sleeper and his makes my nights a misery 😞

I can see us ending up in separate rooms but we would both hate that.