I am more convinced each day that Attachment Parenting, Instagram and Internet are ruining families, children and parenthood in our generation. I wonder if our grandmothers would have the time to post a question like this while raising their 4 or 5 children, a couple of them under 2, perhaps. With all the rules we have put in place today it is hard to have even half a child!
Sorry OP, this is not directed to you at all, I was this exact same mother last year when my baby was like this, with the added bonus that all naps had to be on me a dark room with white noise (she’s also a chunk, 99th percentile since I can remember and I am petite). I remember waking up in the morning with her cries and dreading the day I had ahead of me, carrying a baby all day long by myself. I looked everywhere online on how to wean her of contact naps and wanting to be held all the time and all I got was “enjoy the cuddles!”, “pop them in a sling and crack on! You’ll barely notice she’s in there” and I was going mad! I felt trapped because every single strategy I tried made her cry and I was convinced she would be traumatized for life as that’s the current trend going on. I’ll tell you what’s much worst then crying for a bit: divorced parents because mom is having a burnout and snapping at dad all the time, a disengaged parent during the day that has no energy because is not sleeping or eating properly, a baby put in front of the TV for hours on end because mom has no energy or headspace to take them for a stroll, etc… We, as parents, have limited “resources” (patience, energy, time, mental health) so it is not possible to co-sleep with 10 feeds a night, contact nap, cook organic food from scratch for all meals, going to baby clubs, morning strolls, reading 45 baby books holding them 7am-7pm while happily engaging with them.
Babies (as humans) are creature of habits. She’s got used to be held all the time so you have to gradually wean her out of it (the trick here is to expect some protest, and do it gradually - specially because you’ll still hold her and cuddle sometimes, just not ALL THE FREAKING TIME AS SOME PEOPLE SUGGEST). Please please please avoid the “pop in the sling and carry on” tips, there’s no way you want to introduce another bad habit, check the Attachment Parenting thread on reddit and see all the desperate moms asking for help because their 2/3 year olds want to be in the sling all day. That’s madness!
What I did (and I appreciate it might no work with your baby) was put her in the playmat and get her used to be close to me but not on me, so I played with her and tried to engage her with some specific toy. Once she was engaged with said toy I left for a few minutes to do chores/use the loo/whatever. There was some tears as she got used and then there was less tears, then she could stand a few minutes with no tears, then more minutes with no tears, etc… but you’ll find your own way of achieving it, just make sure to start and be consistent :) I have to say once I sorted her sleep/naps and encouraged to have more floor time (which is super important for their development btw) I am another mom to her! I look forward for our day together, I plan days out, when I am playing with her I am actually living the moment and engaging and she definitely feels it as our bond is much stronger now. Yes, she still has meltdowns every now and then when we’re out, and sometimes I still do chores with a crying baby but the difference for our family was night day. We’re even thinking of having another baby which was impossible before, and I am pretty sure it will be much easier since we won’t follow all the attachment crap as we did with her, I am a much more confident mom now since my acts are not ruled by “whatever stops her crying” and actual parenting, making the best decisions for her even if that means she’ll be upset for a while!