DD is almost 2. DP works away for half of the month so I do most of the childcare alone. DD goes to nursery when I'm at work. She has the same routine at nursery and at home with me on my days off - set times for nap, meals, bath time and bedtime etc (not like precise on the minute or anything, but an approx window, eg- tea between 4-4.30 ish, bath 6-6.30 for example).
When DP comes home he looks after her on his one of his days off, and he always changes the routine. Meal times are always later, especially teatime. For example tonight I rang from work to say I was leaving and to check how she was at 5.15pm, and he said she still hasn't had tea but he was going out in the car to collect her older sister from an after school activity so would just wait til he got home. It was an hour round trip so by the time he was home it would be past her usual bath time and she would likely be very hungry. He said it's fine, she's had plenty of snacks. I said could you please get her something to eat on way to collect eldest - he said OK I'll get her a happy meal from McDonalds. Anyway she doesn't really like chicken nuggets so as predicted she didn't eat them and just ate chips instead. So her tea consisted of chips in the back of the car at 5.30 (an hour later than her usual tea time).
I was upset about this as I just feel like that's not an adequate tea for a 2 year old and it's also too late. It feels like he comes home after I've kept to a routine for her the rest of the time he's been away and just messes it up.
I'm hesitant to express my annoyance too much as I know he misses her when he's away - for example when i asked him why he didn't make her tea at the usual time before leaving to collect eldest, he said (I quote): "I wanted to spend time playing with her instead".
I do get that. But this isn't the first time he's let her routine slide and just given her snacks instead of a proper tea, or her bath time has been closer to her usual bedtime (an hour later) etc.
AIBU to expect him to keep a similar routine to the one I and nursery have with her when he's away? Or am I being precious and I need to just allow him to parent his own way on his own timescales when he's home?
AIBU?
Am I being precious about toddler's routine?
justsobloodytired · 25/01/2023 19:34
ElbowsandArses · 25/01/2023 19:44
Depends on whether she is affected by change in routine. If it makes her tired / tantrummy / difficult to deal with the next day, yes it’s an issue. If she’s fine then … no worries. Let him crack on. I had a child who was a nightmare when his routine went out of whack, and another one not so much.
CombatBarbie · 25/01/2023 19:48
This, take DDs lead on this.
ElbowsandArses · 25/01/2023 19:44
Depends on whether she is affected by change in routine. If it makes her tired / tantrummy / difficult to deal with the next day, yes it’s an issue. If she’s fine then … no worries. Let him crack on. I had a child who was a nightmare when his routine went out of whack, and another one not so much.
NuffSaidSam · 25/01/2023 19:48
I think he probably should make an effort to stick broadly to the routine. It's not really fair to do very little parenting and then when you do not doing it 'properly'. He's being a Disney dad but whilst still in the family home!
It's not that there's a problem with chips for tea occasionally or skipping bath time because it's late, it's that it can't happen all the time and it's not fair for one parent to do all the hard work of good parenting and the other to cash in all the 'chips for dinner is fine once'.
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Swiftswatch · 25/01/2023 20:22
To be fair to the dad, people are saying ‘why couldn’t he feed her properly this 1 day?’ but OP was the one who told him he had to get her dinner on route to collect the sibling! That’s why he got the McDonald’s, he gave her snacks at home and was planning to give everyone dinner when they got back from collecting the sibling.
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