Graduate DD not qualifying for job seekers. The buck stops with us

[drivinmecrazy]

DD1 graduated this summer and moved home to us in October.
Since then she's been applying for entry level jobs in publishing and copywriting in London.
We live in a rural town with limited employment opportunities, for which we feel really guilty for, but that's another story.
We agreed to give her until the new year to focus fully on finding the ideal position before we expected her to apply for local jobs which would tide her over.
Since then she's applied for job seekers allowance. Found out today she does not qualify because doesn't have enough NI contributions.
She's certainly not work shy, she supported herself largely through uni and spent time from graduation until she me of September working full time at her uni job so was paying NI and tax.
Now she's home it falls to us to support her. She has dwindling savings so has enough for her socialising and we obviously don't charge her for board and lodgings.
But at 22yo surely she should be treated by the state as independent.
What if we didn't have the means to support her at home?
TBH I was hoping she'd qualify for the £200 odd per month for job seekers so she might be able to contribute £20 a week to the household, which would obviously not come close to what she is 'costing' us , but might give her some self worth.
We are fortunate we can accommodate her but it's a hefty weight for us to carry with the cost of living etc.

We have never claimed anything as a family but surely as an independent 22yo woman she should have some autonomy.

I realise probably shouldn't have put this in aibu cos I know I am, but where do our parental responsibilities stop?

She has obviously started applying for local jobs in what she has experience of and her cv is fortunately full of work experience so shouldn't take long.

But I guess my real AIBU is what would happen if we could not or would not cover her living costs

The monthly UC rate for OP's daughter is £265.31, less any deduction that may be made for savings >£6k but <£16k .

But she isn’t entitled to UC, bar 40p.
And for those suggesting TEFL, the market for that has now collapsed if you are British. Similarly, groups that would have come from Europe to learn some English now find it too difficult post-Brexit.

Nah, the opposite actually. Very much sounds like the substantially savings means the UC claim is so small.

no clarification from the OP on savings levels though.

DS claimed UC briefly after finishing university and returning home, he gave me half
He looked for internships rather than entry level jobs or non related work and found something in 3-4 months
first internship was 12 months but was extended for a further 12 months into a different role with greater progression opportunities which worked well
DD already had a PT retail job whilst at university and was lucky enough to be able to turn it into FT until she found permanent work which was in her chosen field

Opposite of what actually? The daughter applied for jobseekers and was turned down. She had not applied for UC, she had only “checked” it, she could have checked it incorrectly. I am using a calculator now and there is no way it will come out with 46p, the minimum is £21 with savings of £15999. I think daughter was just saying 46p to demonstrate that it was less than she would appreciate.

Just to clarify because I've just seen this thread Is still active. Her savings are under £2000 and although it's been pointed out she might claim UC she's decided not to.
It's our first foray into looking into benefits and it's been an eye opener for us all.
Of course we have been supporting her and will continue to do so.
It's a shame some of the opinions on this thread have labelled her work shy and trying to get something for nothing.
I wonder if they might be the same people who join the benefits bashing threads in general.
I claim child benefit for my 17yo DD even though DH earns over the threshold to keep the contributions to my NI. Obviously that is claimed back in his taxes but should I not claim this?
And before anyone assumes or makes up a scenario I have not worked since my children were little due to family commitments and have not ever needed to claim any support, thankfully.

One of my DD enquired about UC when she was made jobless due to the Covid pandemic. She was turned down.

Don’t temping agencies really exist anymore? I always picked up temp work between courses, travelling etc, stuff like data entry, receptionist and would do that while looking for the next job.

Your daughter has savings, why don't you have her contribute from this but would have been happy for her to contribute from benefits? Savings are a massive luxury.

having a family who are a safety net at her stage is a massive luxury.

Being able to financially afford to stay home while your children are not only small but teenagers and adults is a massive luxury.

Only claiming child benefit to keep up your NI contribution is a massive luxury.

You and your family live a life of luxury and entitlement and you begrudge your adult daughter either using her savings to support herself, getting any old job available or being financially supported by what is clearly her well off family?

Your life has been painfully sheltered, was it like this even before you married and had kids?

You do not have any clue of the world.

And no, you wouldn't find me on a benefits bashing thread.

Benefits are there to provide a safety net, to keep people fed and warm, children housed and clothed, to allow some form of social mobility (although the Tories have eroded the system so badly this is debatable now) to help people access education and work while providing some childcare.

Your intention to use the benefit system to support your adult child( who you allowed a 3 month break from being an adult and who you seem to think should subvert the requirements of a market you admit she has no knowledge of rather than doing any old job) because you feel you shouldn't be expected to support her anymore AND she shouldn't have to spend her savings to live is offensive to anyone with any sense.

@drivinmecrazy Your update...

From your previous posts it does look as if you have led a bit of a sheltered life as far as money goes. You said your family was very wealthy (your parents) and now you're posting you have not worked for what- over 20 years?- if you stopped when your children were small.

It comes across as if you are a little unworldly about the world of work and have not been best placed to advise your DD.

I know there are also benefits to a family by being a SAHM, but your posts have been a bit hazy from the start- you said that you found it hard to make ends meet feeding your DD home from uni, now it comes over that you have chosen not to work for 20 years or more and say you are comfortably off and what's more your DD has £2K in savings.

If you'd said this from the start I think responses might be different.

Anyway let's hope she finds some work soon.

Staying at home when DD are teenagers is not necessarily a luxury.
It's a choice due to happenstance but not a luxury.
Two strokes and my own MH being shot to pieces is not luxury.
But I accept we're fortunate that we don't rely on a second income.
We none of us know one an others circumstances, but one persons luxury may be another persons reality.
I don't judge others so it's been quite an eye opener that some (fortunately the minority) find it easy to do.
That withstanding, I accept I invited a lot on this thread by posting in AIBU.
It's good to hear all sides, both the good and the bad.
Who wants to live in an echo chamber

And throwing this in for good measure- it's a fact that the careers and work experience of mothers have a huge influence on how well their daughters do- role models.

AIBUYESYES rest assured she has plenty of strong role models in her life.
Because I haven't taken on paid employment does not mean I am a poor role model.
But again thanks for your insight

dd had to claim uc after university, despite working in a bar.
the pandemic brought her home,
i cant remember what happened to her uc, her business, i guess we might have felt guilty had she claimed it, otoh, it was her only source of income, for a few months until she worked out what to do.
i remember a colleague taking her dd to the benefits office, and was surprised that she could even claim!
glad you are fairly unscathed by this aibu @drivinmecrazy

Hi OP

Sorry if you shave had some tricky responses to your thread, but it really does feel like your DD is a bit work shy so I can see why myself and others think so and have commented so. I really can't understand why she doesn't just get any old job?? Deliver pizza, supermarket checkout, cleaner, bar staff, waitress etc.. etc...

If, and only if, she has tried to get a job, ANY job, and can't, then she should pursue benefits while she continues to search. But I can't see why a healthy, smart, 20 something can't get a minimum wage job to tide her over til she finds what she wants.

You are missing the point.

This is research specifically about mothers, not other people in her life.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/06/25/working-mothers-role-models-daughters_n_7660362.html

@AIBUYESYES
op @drivinmecrazy did explain why she didnt work. did you not read that?

I saw she mentioned family/ circumstances but wondered how that precluded 20 years of never working, or working from home, perhaps.

I guess I just feel the OP painted a picture in her first few posts about being hard up and how £20 worth of UC coming her way would help. People posted on that basis.

But then it transpires she's not worked herself, when perhaps she could have, that her own parents and upbringing were 'different' (ie wealthy) and that she doesn't really 'need' the £20, it was more about her DD contributing something.

The reality though appears (could be wrong) that this is a middle class family who can afford their DD not to contribute, the mum chooses not to work now her kids are older (22 and 17) and the OP was annoyed she couldn't get benefits.

That's very different to how it appeared initially.

Firstly there are loads of part time jobs out there.

Secondly I don't understand why the OP is getting a hard time. Her DD is an adult if she can't get a job then she can claim benefits to support her. There are thousands of people claiming benefits,working their minimum hours, having children. There are single people claiming housing - given the responses on here - why can't they move back home with relatives and not claim? OPs DD is no different to them. I actually don't understand why she can't claim housing benefit. The state is very clear on many things that allow children to make their own decisions - they can't have it all ways.

The benefits system is supposed to be a tide over however it hasn't been that for a long time.

@Sublimeursula If you are as professional as you say, you ought to know that research does not apply to every single person and that exceptions prove the rule.

And- working mothers do not have to be harassed and stressed.
Even working p/t to bring in money (and be your own person rather than 'just' a mum and housekeeper) sets an example.

That’s a pretty narrow definition of success - in the report anyway, haven’t read the original. I was more interested in the impact on sons (that felt like a bigger success to celebrate).

@cosmiccosmos it's not that she can't get a job. It's that she can't get a job in the exact field she wants because she has no experience and hasn't got onto a grad scheme.

She needs to lower her expectations and earn the career she wants.