Page 6 | My MiL is worse than yours...

takealettermsjones · 26/01/2023 11:24

ReneBumsWombats · 26/01/2023 11:17

Yes, very true.

On here, a few things I've seen as evidence of a MIL's horridness include asking to sit in the front because she has a weight problem and can't fit between the car seats, asking to hold the baby once the feed is finished, sitting and chatting while the DIL breastfeeds in the living room (the DH has gone to make tea for all and MIL should be doing it!), putting jam on a baby's toast and serving dinner half an hour later than the usual time because the child was enjoying a game and didn't want to stop.

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These all of course seem really minor when written like that! I just wonder if sometimes they can be part of an overall pattern, or said in a negative way, which is hard to describe in writing. For example the asking to hold the baby after a feed, if it was "oh do you think I might be allowed to finally hold her after you've finished being very important and feeding her?" in a sarcastic tone then it would feel different, especially to a potentially baby-bluesing FTM. (Exaggerated example but can't think of another one off the top of my head!)

ReneBumsWombats · 26/01/2023 11:28

takealettermsjones · 26/01/2023 11:24

These all of course seem really minor when written like that! I just wonder if sometimes they can be part of an overall pattern, or said in a negative way, which is hard to describe in writing. For example the asking to hold the baby after a feed, if it was "oh do you think I might be allowed to finally hold her after you've finished being very important and feeding her?" in a sarcastic tone then it would feel different, especially to a potentially baby-bluesing FTM. (Exaggerated example but can't think of another one off the top of my head!)

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I admit I can't remember the post absolutely verbatim, but I'm sure that if the story had been that MIL was actually rude and derogatory when asking, I wouldn't have been left thinking "what is your problem?"

JudgeJ · 26/01/2023 11:29

notnownorma · 25/01/2023 09:04

Old people don't belong on MN. It is known.
/Had a great MIL (now passed)

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I'm 75 almost, that's not old my head tells me!

takealettermsjones · 26/01/2023 11:30

ReneBumsWombats · 26/01/2023 11:28

I admit I can't remember the post absolutely verbatim, but I'm sure that if the story had been that MIL was actually rude and derogatory when asking, I wouldn't have been left thinking "what is your problem?"

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No I understand, I'm not saying anyone's interpretation of that post was wrong. I'm just saying in general sometimes it's hard to explain why a comment feels off. Sometimes I've read posts and thought what's so bad about that? But I don't have all the context and the non-verbal communication, etc. Similarly I've had this when telling my husband someone had made a rude comment to me, and he couldn't see why it was rude. It was all in the eyes and body language!

xogossipgirlxo · 26/01/2023 11:40

"Okay, I do fully believe mine is the worst creature to roam this planet, but I'm interested in your stories."

I was expecting some horror story. You really have no idea about horrible mother/mil. I could ask my husband to write a post here on how his mother banged his head on the floor when he was 6 years old, because he dropped her bottle of perfumes and it broke. 6 years old. Head banging on the floor. Could have killed him. So yeah.

JudgeJ · 26/01/2023 11:44

I think it's women who want to dictate and control the lives of younger women

It's also about younger women who want to dictate everything in their own home and expect their husband to totally detach himself from the family he's known all his life, only she is his family now. He has to 'support' her decisions, ie he is not allowed a contrary opinion especially where the children are concerned.

ThatshallotBaby · 26/01/2023 12:10

It’s difficult for people who have lovely family, to understand those of us who sadly do not.

5128gap · 26/01/2023 12:27

KillingLoneliness · 25/01/2023 08:51

That was just one example but who in would ever think it’s appropriate to take a baby to the park at 8pm in winter!? If OP and her DH are NC now there’s obviously a huge backstory.

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Its this type of thing.
There is nothing objectively 'wrong' with taking a well wrapped up 6m old out at 8pm in winter. In fact I often do just that with my same age DGC who is very fractious at that time of day, and it gives DD a much needed break from the dreaded 'twighlight shift'. We started pretty much from birth in the summer and carried on. The park near us is well lit with lights in the trees that DGC loves.
Yet if I were a OPs MiL, suggesting this harmless and enjoyable activity would seemingly get me a whole MN thread in my honour, with other posters joining in to imply I was strange and odd and not to be trusted.

KillingLoneliness · 26/01/2023 14:43

5128gap · 26/01/2023 12:27

Its this type of thing.
There is nothing objectively 'wrong' with taking a well wrapped up 6m old out at 8pm in winter. In fact I often do just that with my same age DGC who is very fractious at that time of day, and it gives DD a much needed break from the dreaded 'twighlight shift'. We started pretty much from birth in the summer and carried on. The park near us is well lit with lights in the trees that DGC loves.
Yet if I were a OPs MiL, suggesting this harmless and enjoyable activity would seemingly get me a whole MN thread in my honour, with other posters joining in to imply I was strange and odd and not to be trusted.

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I wouldn’t ever take a baby out to a park that late at night in winter, maybe it’s where I grew up but for me parks are only safe to go into during the day time or for as long it’s bright, I’d find it completely inappropriate and unsafe to do so on a dark cold night.

5128gap · 26/01/2023 15:14

KillingLoneliness · 26/01/2023 14:43

I wouldn’t ever take a baby out to a park that late at night in winter, maybe it’s where I grew up but for me parks are only safe to go into during the day time or for as long it’s bright, I’d find it completely inappropriate and unsafe to do so on a dark cold night.

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It depends on the park and neighbourhood doesn't it? Which is why a blanket statement that no one would reasonably do it is subjective.

TheDuck2018 · 27/01/2023 08:25

JudgeJ · Yesterday 11:44*

I think it's women who want to dictate and control the lives of younger women

It's also about younger women who want to dictate everything in their own home and expect their husband to totally detach himself from the family he's known all his life, only she is his family now. He has to 'support' her decisions, ie he is not allowed a contrary opinion especially where the children are concerned.

This, with bells on.
I also think that often, when you look back on things that matter so much when you're younger, you think why did I let it bother me so much? Pick your battles wisely, would be my advice.

cheatingcrackers · 27/01/2023 20:29

5128gap · 26/01/2023 12:27

Its this type of thing.
There is nothing objectively 'wrong' with taking a well wrapped up 6m old out at 8pm in winter. In fact I often do just that with my same age DGC who is very fractious at that time of day, and it gives DD a much needed break from the dreaded 'twighlight shift'. We started pretty much from birth in the summer and carried on. The park near us is well lit with lights in the trees that DGC loves.
Yet if I were a OPs MiL, suggesting this harmless and enjoyable activity would seemingly get me a whole MN thread in my honour, with other posters joining in to imply I was strange and odd and not to be trusted.

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Agree - I would often ask DH to take our babies out for a walk at that time of the evening so I could get a break!
But then doesn’t OP go on to say something genuinely bonkers about her MIL? I can’t recall what it was now.