My MiL is worse than yours...

[SpaceBunInstaHun]

Okay, I do fully believe mine is the worst creature to roam this planet, but I'm interested in your stories.
I believe I could write a book on mine without any exaggeration and it would be an unbelievable read.
To clarify we're NC with her now, it was just impossible to have her in our lives in any way.
But if you'd like to tell me something about yours that sounds unbelievable please do.
I couldn't choose even 20 top things that are frankly mental, but my personal favourite is telling anyone who'll listen we stopped her taking her dgc to the park, when in fact she would arrive past 8pm during winter and expect to take my 6 month old daughter out. When I suggested we did daytime at the park i was both controlling and unreasonable.
She doesn't work or have daytime commitments.

I really hope that all the spiteful MIL moaners will have a dose of their own medicine when they themselves become one

Yes!

I really hope that all the spiteful MIL moaners will have a dose of their own medicine when their themselves become one, there are some very unpleasant daughters in law on here

Well, I don't hope that exactly, but I wish people would be aware that any family member can be difficult to deal with, and, hey, it may be YOU that's the problem, not them.
The competitive 'MILs as monsters' thing is repugnant, and as per a PP, started with horrible male comedians whose "humour" was based on clichés and stereotypes. Don't forget we get one side of a story on a post here.
I do wonder why it's older, female relatives who are the most demonised? 🧐

By all means, if you wish to start one.

I don't think it's spiteful moaners, I think it's women who want to dictate and control the lives of younger women and constantly try upsetting their lives.

I'd love a mil who didn't say or do things to hurt my family, I'd love one I could make dinner for or take her to our cottage with us for a holiday. Or one that just wasn't abusive to her DC would do.

My widowed grandmother took in and nursed her mil in her old age, I've always admired that greatly.

My mother would have won threads on worst MIL and worst DIL had it been a thing when I was young.

My GP’s lost their retirement and ended up being me up after her (and my father) abused and neglected us. My mother tried to set their house on fire with us all in it when she lost the family allowance.

When my eldest brother had his first child she turned up at the hospital (one siblings was still in touch) and attempted to walk out with the baby. She repeatedly threatened to take the baby because it was my brother’s fault she lost her younger children (because he spoke up about the abuse).

Her premature death was a blessing for everyone in the end.

I doubt for a moment they give two hoots about dictating and upsetting younger women's lives. 'Difficult' MiLs are generally percieved as such because of their feelings for their own child and grandchildren, and the belief (rightly or wrongly) that access to them is being gatekept.
Unless you're a very challenging DiL I think you're centering yourself unnecessarily in her motivations, as none of her behaviour is likely to be about you at all.
It'll be her son and GCs lives that matter, which is why her son needs to be the one to address any issues.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings

Agree with this.

Yes, does sound like your mother in law is worse than mine!

@5128gap I think you've hit the nail on the head here.

My MIL used to kick off something rotten when DH and I were dating and would be going out. I thought at first she didn't like me, but I held my tongue and made as much of an effort with her as I could. As it turned out, we got along really well and had some great times. Unfortunately MIL seemed to really struggle with DH growing up and moving out - she felt he was moving on and leaving her behind. It led to her lashing out at him, I think in frustration, and him returning the favour. They went LC for a while and things just never picked up again. They've been NC for about 3 years now.

It's sad. MiL could be very difficult to deal with and would often involes other members of her family, which made things messier. But I think it was more that she was unable to articulate her feelings properly than she is a terrible person.

I should add my ex MIL was really very lovely and I miss her 30 years hence.

Both my mum and MIL are exceptionally useless.

These horror stories on the thread just confirm we have it really bad.

I'm no contact with my in laws.

Husband can do what he wants but I'm not going to see them!

Mine was the master of manipulation saying one things and then changing it to another making me out to be mad. Hated me for taking her grandkids away not her son she couldn’t of given a shit about him. Just the grand kids, she’d known for months we were moving and tried to delay it which didn’t work so she threw herself at the removers van i was bloody embarrassed but the guys just went round her think they’d seen it all before to be honest
we went LC then NC as she tried to put wedge between me and the step kids by spouting crap and lies. My husband warned her if she didn’t stop she’d be banned. She didn’t listen so eventually NC she’s dead now

she had 3 sons that went NC because of her batshit behaviour.

It’s not a sport. It’s pretty distressing having issues with a partner’s family for no reason. You try to overlook and be nice but it wears you down. The snide comments, gaslighting, general nastiness. My exh and I split after 13 years because of the wedge it created between us from all the nasty BS, which was very hurtful and unwarranted.

I made sure this time around I had lovely ILs.

And I I’m truly blessed to have such a wonderful MIL & FIL this time around.

I never met my MIL as she died before I met my husband. I did meet her sister and she was a lovely woman, much loved and when she died around ten years ago her loss was felt by all of us. She was as close to a MIL to me and a mother to my husband as we got.
My own mother is an arsehole of epic proportions! She has never showed an iota of interest in her grandchildren, she made it her mission to try and make everyone believe she was far busier than me. She didn't work and the most she did in a week was go to the local store for her weekly shop whilst I was working full time with two small children. She made life into a competition and as such we are now NC.

So many things here I could write a book too. Suffice to say not all MILs are pleasant.

Suffice to say not all MILs are pleasant.

If you're worried that they might be developing that reputation, especially on here, fear not.

I’m no contact with my inlaws.

Their racist comments about indian people were the final straw (I am half indian).

They are a pair of racist, bigoted cunts.

But to balance it out, my mum died when I was 12 but I would no doubt be no contact with her too if she was still alive as she was fucking batshit and fucked me up beyond repair in those 12 years. Lord knows what she would have done to me given more time.

And for all the people who say “what about terrible DILS?” I am sure the ones of us who have problems with in laws are seen as the horrible daughters in law.

I know I am. My PIL racist remarks weren’t about Indian people like me! They were about other Indians, the dirty ones! I am so fucking unreasonable for being upset.

The day they came to visit and took my then 3 year old out, without telling me, when I went to hang the washing out they were just wanting to spend time with her! Never mind that they just walked out the door with her a disappeared, took her in their car with no seat. I was frantic, I didn’t know where they had gone, they grabbed her and ran as soon as I was out the back door - but they were giving me a break and horrible me made MIL cry when I was angry at them for doing that. And fuck me, I am terrible for never having trusted them to be alone with my children since.

Everything can be turned around.

And yes, hopefully I will be a MIL one day, I have a 21 year old son.

But i’m not an arsehole. So I reckon I’ll be okay.

Unfortunately not being an arsehole yourself doesn't guarantee you'll be ok. I'm sure most of the MiL spoken about on this thread don't think they are either. But as the MiL, you don't get to decide how your DiL views you.
Obviously there are instances of objectively awful behaviour like racism, but often the MiL behaviour spoken of has a subjective spin, with a fair amount of hyperbole.
MiLs not up to date with current recommendations and ideal practices of the moment, described as 'dangerous'; the deep suspicion directed at MiLs who show more than the permitted level of attachment or interest, or indeed any less, as not being available for child care can also be a no-no; the constant stressing that it's YOUR baby, and the possessive and often spiteful power play.
If you're unfortunate enough to have a DiL who goes in for these things, then you could be the least arsehole like person in the world, and you still wouldn't be ok.
There are reasonable and unreasonable women of every generation, we don't transfer from the first to the second the day our son gets married, so your chances of a difficult DiL will be as high as your chances of a difficult MiL.

Great post!

Yes, very true.

On here, a few things I've seen as evidence of a MIL's horridness include asking to sit in the front because she has a weight problem and can't fit between the car seats, asking to hold the baby once the feed is finished, sitting and chatting while the DIL breastfeeds in the living room (the DH has gone to make tea for all and MIL should be doing it!), putting jam on a baby's toast and serving dinner half an hour later than the usual time because the child was enjoying a game and didn't want to stop.

I often wonder what these women's partners/husbands think of their MILs and if they're allowed to criticise them within their own homes. Where's Les Dawson when you need him?