To not want other people using our caravan?

[Serialcatmum]

Ok, by other people I mean my sister in law.

We recently purchased a caravan, we were going to go for a smaller one but decided to treat ourselves to a bigger one to give us more space. When I told SIL she said “oh I had my fingers crossed you’d go for the bigger one as then we can maybe use it some weekends too?!” It was sort of a question, sort of a statement. I laughed and said “oh we’ve not even planned our first trip yet”. She just said “ha ha. I don’t mean next weekend, I mean in the summer”. I laughed and changed the topic.

Since then DBIL has messaged my DH saying that SIL mentioned we might we able to borrow the caravan sometime.. (DH didn’t reply)

They don’t even have a towing vehicle. So are they planning on taking our car too?! Or are we expected to drive to their holiday place of choice and set up / collect for them?!

ANBH - they should get their own caravan and stop being cheeky fs.

ABU- they are family, of course you should let them take your caravan (and car) for a jolly.

I would say no because all your stuff will be as you want it in the caravan and it will be disrupted by their use. Also, there is a risk of damage - whose insurance will be covering it? From experience, when lending things to other people they often don't take the same care as I would with my own things so 'borrowed' things come back worn, torn or damaged. Then its really awkward discussing any damage with a friend/relative so better to just say you aren't letting anyone else stay in it and not planning to let it out as ABNB! And I think SIL has been quite cheeky to ask to use it the way she has so a firm 'no' asap should reduce the likelihood she will keep asking. If you put it off with a 'maybe in the future' type of answer she will keep pestering you in the hope you will give in!

Putting aside the cheeky nature of the assumption it doesn't sound like they have they considered the logistics at all. They don't have a car that tows - which then suggests that they don't have the correct insurance or a driver that can safely tow either - it's not just the same as driving (and parking) a car. Presumably they also have no idea what they are doing with regards to setting up and putting away the caravan.

OP - I would just tell them that at this point they can't use the caravan as it just won't work from a practical point of view.

We had a tourer and I wouldn't have let family use it. Issues around sage towing, insurance, how to use the damn thing as it's complicated! I think she was rude to outright say that without you hinting it would be ok.

I would say something like
Maybe we might rent it out in a few years but for now we just want to keep it for ourselves to enjoy
Which tells her its not available, and also it wont be free !

Straight no here, the insurance implications would put me off for a start.

IME caravans have tons of foibles and things just waiting to go wrong, especially at the hands of anyone who doesn't realise this and doesn't treat everything with care and respect.

We've had the same in our extended family with someone constantly hinting to borrow another's caravan. In the end the owners just said 'no, because there's so much that can go wrong with it. It's our pride and joy and we can't bear for things to be damaged by anyone except us'.

I think it's really bloody cheeky for them to have assumed you'd lend this out and to not realise the value/cost to you.

I can't believe anyone would just assume that! You wouldn't assume if someone got a new car you could just hop in it and drive off whenever you fancy!

A firm NO before this all gets out of hand!

YANBU at all.

It's entirely up to you if you want to let family members make use of the caravan you have paid for, and there are a lot of very valid reasons why you might not.

It's incredibly cheeky of SIL to assume.

you wouldn't let any of your family or friends stay in your holiday cottage if you're not using it?

I'm planning on buying one and I'm literally not even going to tell anyone of it's existence.

I just respond and tell them you weren't thinking of renting it out - makes it clear they can't have, and will probbaly be put off if have to pay.

You should not feel awkward to say no, it will be full of your personal items, nevermind the kids, I once burned down nearly Haven caravan if it wasnt for my husbands fast thinking so only my jumper that I had thrown too close to the gas hob went up in flames. (learnt my lesson me and gas are not safe combo now I take electric hob with us lol).

Even if you were willing to lend it out, in your position I'd have a strict 'no children' policy.

Anyone else keep checking to see if BiL has responded to DH saying no? 😂

you wouldn't let any of your family or friends stay in your holiday cottage if you're not using it?

We had a seaside holiday flat that we ended up letting out before selling. We did let people we trusted use it prior to that free of charge, - our cleaner & husband, a colleague/ friend and her auntie, friends and their children, but it wasn’t immaculate, we kept the previous owners’ big furniture and lived with the perfectly fine bathroom and kitchen. After we refurbished it to a very high standard I would have been more reluctant, and we only lent it to my Dd and a friend. I’d have trusted our cleaner and husband too. I wouldn’t have lent to to friends with children I’m afraid.

An acquaintance who has a lovely villa in Spain that she uses but is also lets via a professional villa company once told me that sadly in her experience, family and friends staying free are the worst. I was really surprised as her family are close and seem nice. Apparently she let her company accountant and family stay for free and they wretched the expensive sunloungers somehow, they’d had them all in the pool. Very awkward.

I wouldn’t lend our camper van out, it’s much more vulnerable to damage by the heavy-handed, it’s also very expensive to replace things are they are all custom sized and manufactured for this specific vehicle and model. We now live in Portugal in a house with a pool, we love to host friends and family and have people out regularly but again, I wouldn’t “lend it out” and I’d think it rude if someone asked. Basically it’s “Can we use your expensive thing please, -but without you around?”

@FrostyFifi that can be a good approach. We have a holiday home. We have let people use it over the years but I now limit who we tell about it. The vast majority are fine. I find it is the ones we offer it to - who then try and insist on paying full rates (we don't accept) that treat it best. Even making little improvements for us.

It is always the ones who are pushy around asking that cause the most problems. Asking to use it during COVID lockdowns, when it was illegal to do so (and they knew this). Thought we could turn a blind eye for mates. We didn't even go ourselves. Asking to use it during peak school summer holidays (we let it commercially). Asking us to cancel existing commercial bookings as it was the only time they could go etc..

We caravanned for years when our kids were young, it's not that simple to just let someone use it as yes then need a suitable tow car but also upgraded breakdown cover, insurance and need to check towing licence too

packing, towing, setting up all takes time and knowledge and the kit you need is expensive - awning can cost over £1000 what happen is if they damage it?

tell them to buy a tent so they can join you on holiday and then can buy their own caravan if they enjoy this type of holiday

We let our holiday home to some friends (only charging handover cleaning fee) and agreed another couple could go with them. They then asked if this other couple (who we have never met) could stay on for another week on their own and invite some of their friends to stay (as having such a lovely time).

To me it felt such an inappropriate ask. Give some people an inch and they will take a mile.

Omg wanting to borrow your caravan, a brand new towing caravan 😬? I thought you meant you'd bought a static somewhere, I mean that's cheeky, but one you actually tow, Jesus no.

My brother just bought a luxury caravan, pretty big, we are into camping too and have 3 kids. It'd be lovely to be able to go away in slightly colder months in a caravan, but we can't afford one. I'd never even contemplate asking my brother (who lives close by) to borrow his brand new luxury caravan and I wouldn't accept if he offered either, the stress of damaging it either on the journey or whilst staying in it is too much.

I just can't imagine having the brass neck to ask someone to borrow something so expensive when the owner has forked out for it for their own use.

Just say no, absolutely not.

Wow that's incredibly inappropriate!

I hope you said no?

Those who think that it's ok to expect to use a static - it's really not. I agree that the potential for damage is less, as they don't need to be towed or sited; but the point of them is that you leave all your stuff there, don't need to pack more than underwear, and if you use it regularly don't even empty the fridge or change the bedding between visits.

We have one, and have lent it to F&F, but my heart sinks when people ask and I'm far more likely to say no these days. It's a real pain having to create space (which is limited anyway) for someone else's things, throw away food and clear the fridge, check the bedroom for personal items, strip the beds, make sure the bathroom is spotless and so on. One couple of cousins used mine regularly and really took the piss. They used up the loo rolls (try turning up with 2 kids and 2 adults at 9.00pm when the shop is shut to find there is no paper in the bathroom), drank our wine, and even used up the electricity and gas without getting a new card/bottle before leaving, so we arrived to no power. The final straw came when they complained that we only had brown sauce and no ketchup - nobody in our family likes ketchup! After putting up with their CFery in the big ways described, for some reason I just snapped at that, and never let them use it again.

We've had other people use it who have moved things about, let kids draw on books (I say 'let them', but obviously it would have been more about lack of supervision), and generally organised things for their circumstances (fine) but not put them back when they left (not fine). Small things maybe, but it is our little bolthole, and it felt uncomfortable to come 'home' to it and have to make it ours again. Caravans are surprisingly expensive to run, and the trade-off for holidaying in the same place every year is that you are in your own space with your own belongings.

Just say no

I suspect they've not thought it through and are just excited at the idea of something new. When they think about the logistics, especially the need for a suitable tow vehicle they realise it's not such a good idea. (I'm another one who raised an eyebrow at the idea of getting a towbar being cheap and easy - I've just had one fitted and I had to take my to a specialist garage in another city and it cost the best part of a grand which isn't cheap in my book.)
However, that's largely irrelevant as even if they did have a suitable car with a towbar, it's still your caravan, and you are entitled to do whatever you want with it. And if that includes not lending it out, so be it. I would be clear from the outset. It's an expensive thing, there are risks and insurance implications to lending it even to family and you are not going to do so now, or at any point in the future.
We have some extended family members who are a bit like this. They have lots of "brilliant ideas" that always seem to involve our money or resources, and it's absolutely wearing to deal with. So based on my experience I would say be firm from the outset or it will probably escalate.

"Bloody hell i assume your joking but seriously it'll be great if you can get your own and join us one weekend"

@HipposThrashintheShallows interesting to hear the voice of experience and omg at your own CFs!
I'm being a bit hyperbolic in that there are of course some people we love and trust who we'd be delighted to do a favour for but those are never the ones that tend to ask, are they?

Also surely the benefit of having a caravan is that you can fill it full of your nice holiday gear and it be really convenient for you anytime you want to get in it and go on holiday? Not have to unpack it and repack it for borrowing.

It might be than in a year after you've used it lots you sort of feel more relaxed about other people borrowing it, but YANBU to want it all to yourself right now.

I think just get your husband to message back saying that you probably won't be lending it out this year but potentially sometime in the future. (And then when the future comes you can then either be comfortable with it or just say on second thoughts you don't want to lend it out after all). Basically just a "maybe later..." and then you can indefinitely fob them off if you need.