To not want other people using our caravan?

[Serialcatmum]

Ok, by other people I mean my sister in law.

We recently purchased a caravan, we were going to go for a smaller one but decided to treat ourselves to a bigger one to give us more space. When I told SIL she said “oh I had my fingers crossed you’d go for the bigger one as then we can maybe use it some weekends too?!” It was sort of a question, sort of a statement. I laughed and said “oh we’ve not even planned our first trip yet”. She just said “ha ha. I don’t mean next weekend, I mean in the summer”. I laughed and changed the topic.

Since then DBIL has messaged my DH saying that SIL mentioned we might we able to borrow the caravan sometime.. (DH didn’t reply)

They don’t even have a towing vehicle. So are they planning on taking our car too?! Or are we expected to drive to their holiday place of choice and set up / collect for them?!

ANBH - they should get their own caravan and stop being cheeky fs.

ABU- they are family, of course you should let them take your caravan (and car) for a jolly.

If it was a static van then I wouldn’t be opposed to letting family have a weekend away every now and then as long as it was well looked after. Different story with a towing van.

This.

There is a real knack for driving with one.

I can imagine having very little peace loaning out something that is big and is so vulnerable to being damaged.

I find that the type of people that ask to borrow big expensive items are the least likely to take care of them.

When you consider loaning out something very expensive like that, you need to consider how you will deal with any damage done.

Entitled people are just the ones to call you precious when things get scratched and broken.

Caravans are more personal/intimate than holiday homes made of bricks I think. There's something about the nature of the set up - a loo you need to empty, beds to manoeuvre, how you leave your stuff in it etc that makes it so. As PP have said there's more to towing, equipment use, pitching and so on with a tourer than many folks realise. You might lend it to someone who appreciated all that and was used to caravans but otherwise NO.

I'd make a big deal about looking forward to kitting it out and setting it up ready for your short holidays at a moment's notice and be wary about them tricking you into responding by asking when you are planning on using it and then slipping in a 'well, if you aren't using it THAT week etc etc etc'.

what about insurance? My husband, who is used to our van hit the back top corner… whole new back end which was thankfully covered. Not sure it would be for anyone else though! We don’t mind people joining us but no we would never let someone else drive it

Don’t do it. I once lent mine to a close friend (who’d been a caravanner so knew the ropes) and it came back with suspicious new dings on the outside, marks, smudges and everything put back in the wrong way.

Took me ages to sort it all out and my silent seething about the dings still gets me now. I’d rather lend out my car; there is less stuff to put back wrong in a car!

Heck no chance would I lend it out

As a previous caravan owner I know how many things are easily damaged. It takes a while to learn how to pump the water in and out, empty loo; use heating - and that’s not even the difficulty in towing and initial set up.

We hired a motorhome last summer for a trip and that wasn’t too relaxing as I was so worried about damaging any part of it. Was expensive to hire too.

i think it’s often those who haven’t had nice things who don’t understand the need to look after other peoples belongings.

They were very quick off the mark to assume a free holiday! I think it’s fair enough if you tell them that you just bought it and you want to enjoy it for a while but may be open to lending it further down the line.

I think it’s really rude if you’ve got something new and someone else has already got their eye on it

Say that the insurance doesn't cover other people towing/using it as it was too expensive to have a cover all policy.

They might well have been planning to offer it to family eventually, but IMO the issue is the way the SIL has been so pushy right as they’ve bought it and assumed.

I hope you manage to speak to your DH and nip this in the bud with you BIL/SIL soon. I have friends with caravans and camper vans - there's no way I'd ask to "borrow" theirs for trips away. I know how much work goes into to towing, setting up correctly etc (I've seen them do it) and I'd not want to have the responsibility of something so costly (plus my car isn't suitable for towing), and whilst my DC are sensible/we're seasoned campers, I'd be so worried about something getting damaged. I also only have limited experience of driving with a trailer (road trailer for my boat, when I had one - and that boat was smaller/shorter/lighter than a caravan!). I also don't have the experience of driving large camper vans/long wheel base vehicles etc. IT would be asking for trouble.

For the PP saying that OP is selfish, I think OP is being prudent and not selfish. If the BIL/SIL had an accident or something got damaged on the caravan, then they may then plead that they can't afford to pay to get things sorted. Or plead ignorance etc. Declining to lend it out will just stop all of this, and prevent any possible arguments/fall outs.

It's the way they've "asked" that would get my back up. You haven't even used the damn thing yet and SIL is letting you know she expects to use it. She hasn't even demonstrated any manners and asked you. She just assumes that she will be borrowing it and has deliberately not really given you a fair opportunity to say no (because there wasn't actually a question; only a statement). The text from BIL also implies that she's told him you've already given the green light and it's just a case of working out details. Cheeky fuckers the pair of them. So entitled and rude, trying to strong arm you.

FWIW it's always always people like this who end up carelessly damaging things and they are the last people who will put their hands in their pockets to replace or fix anything they've broken.

There is only one couple on earth I would lend my caravan to and that's my DB and SIL. They would never in a million years be so forceful or presumptuous but they may take us up on our open offer one day. They would be very respectful and careful and I wouldn't be upset about any wear and tear incurred because I know that they would have been careful. If they broke something they'd fix it. Also - very crucially - we are exceptionally close with them. Caravans are small and fragile and full of soft furnishings and personal belongings. They're a very personal, intimate space. The idea of other people sleeping in my bed, using the tiny bathroom etc makes me very uncomfortable. I would not be happy to allow anyone else use of that space.

Also what about insurance? Not sure how it works with caravans but would you only be 3rd party if someone else is using it? That alone would mean I wouldn't lend it out, what if they got into an accident and then then it's gone.
Really cheeky. I don't even lend my tent out!

I'm torn on this one. I can understand that the OP wants to keep it pristine but on the other hand sharing could bring so much joy.

We are lucky enough to own a small holiday flat in a very popular seaside town. We are fully aware of what a privilege this is and so are delighted to be able to share it with friends and family. We give ourselves first priority for dates, then our adult D.C. but if none of us are using it we are more than happy for other people to use it. So far very few people have been cheeky about it (and when one person was, we just said no). Most people are very appreciative and take good care of the place.

That being said, a flat is much harder to damage than a caravan - and it does drive me mad when people leave their unwanted food supplies behind.

”Err we’ll use it a few times ourselves first before even considering loaning it out!”

Make a point before you get it that you are not renting it out to anyone . If you start like that then you have made yourself clear. I have had same problem and did y make it clear. It then became a right of one friend that she would use it two weeks a year. I don’t mind helping people but I found myself working around her schedule to use my own van.
also meant I had to then remove all my stuff that I kept in it. Since we bought a new one I have never let it be used. Funnily enough the friend isn’t quite a friendly anymore.
set your rules from the start

Keep your “No” simple, as if she’s pushy or very keen, giving reasons gives her removable obstacles.

“Sorry, we’ve thought it over and won’t be renting it out or lending it out to anyone.”

If she pushes then revert to something like what ZaphodDent’s sister told her when she asked.

Otherwise referring to its newness - Oh! She wasn’t thinking about THIS year, but in the future, when the newness has worn off; wanting flexibility yourself, - just let her know anytime you definitely won’t be using it, and/ or you’ll be getting a weekly message in summer asking if you are using it that weekend…; cost implications? - she might agree offer £100 etc.

YANBU. We have a camper van and luckily nobody has asked to borrow it but it would have been a no.

Surely having others using and towing is going to increase the insurance premium hugely. Haven't read the full thread, but I would use that excuse.

Buy a mouldy £50 heap of shit caravan on ebay that has been sat in a field for twenty years and offer that to them when they rock up to collect.

just going against the grain that unless they're known not look after peoples things i'd probably let my immediate family use my caravan. and let them now they'd be liable for any damage.

My BIL doesn't live in the country but is lucky enough to own a flat outright in London near a tube station. He has service charges etc to pay when not here and general upkeep so we suggested renting it out to cover those costs. My DH and another SIL already had keys in case of any issues. When we were visiting SIL I mentioned something about the first tenant moving in soon and she said 'why didn't they tell me, I had plans to use it in a couple of weeks.' She hadn't told them of her plans, she had a key and was using it as her holiday pad to take friends to London to stay.

Cover it in black studded leather and stick a sex swing in

That'll ward off most of them...(it'll also attract a different new crowd)

you wouldn't let any of your family or friends stay in your holiday cottage if you're not using it?

I was about to argue with you about this, but you are right, the rules have changed, you don't need a trailer test any more to tow if you have a full licence. Every day's a school day.