To not want other people using our caravan?

[Serialcatmum]

Ok, by other people I mean my sister in law.

We recently purchased a caravan, we were going to go for a smaller one but decided to treat ourselves to a bigger one to give us more space. When I told SIL she said “oh I had my fingers crossed you’d go for the bigger one as then we can maybe use it some weekends too?!” It was sort of a question, sort of a statement. I laughed and said “oh we’ve not even planned our first trip yet”. She just said “ha ha. I don’t mean next weekend, I mean in the summer”. I laughed and changed the topic.

Since then DBIL has messaged my DH saying that SIL mentioned we might we able to borrow the caravan sometime.. (DH didn’t reply)

They don’t even have a towing vehicle. So are they planning on taking our car too?! Or are we expected to drive to their holiday place of choice and set up / collect for them?!

ANBH - they should get their own caravan and stop being cheeky fs.

ABU- they are family, of course you should let them take your caravan (and car) for a jolly.

Dh and I have the full licence so can tow a caravan but we got our licences in the seventies and eighties. It's different now as friends who are younger as born early eighties didn't get this on their licence and had to do a separate test to be able to tow a caravan.

certainly first year would be no - you need to settle in and find your groove, you’ll be using it a lot and won’t want to remove all your stuff every time. Takes up space in your house too.

Perhaps your insurance doesn’t allow for anyone other than you to tow/use it? If you’re unsure about lying then you could literally look for insurance that explicitly doesn’t allow that to give you breathing room at least

Towing license have been scrapped I think.

"God sorry I thought you were kidding! We're not going to be renting or lending it, I'm really looking forward to keeping it all just for us. You'll have to get a tent and join us on a family site in summer!"

I don’t think she’s being cheeky. I know several people who own caravans or holiday homes and tbh they all let family use them, some ask family to pay a small amount to cover it being cleaned afterwards.

But it is your choice. If you don’t want to say so now before they start talking dates they’d like to use it.

Practically every one of our friends and family members reacted like that when we bought a cottage. We nipped that in the bud immediately.

I think the way your SIL phrased it was quite cheeky. But the message from her DH to yours was extremely cheeky. It sounds as though SIL has told her DH that you confirmed it would be okay for them to borrow it.

I would ask your own DH to (over)react angrily to his brother, something like "She said WHAT?! Seriously?! After we agreed... How dare she go behind my back like that and offer out OUR caravan? I can't believe it, I'm so fucking angry!" Im hoping if your BIL thinks it's caused a bit of trouble between the two of you hopefully they'll be a bit more resistant to helping themselves to your caravan.

The extra test has been dropped. I was grateful.asit meant the price of horse trailers surged just as I needed to sell mine.

I don’t agree with the react angrily answer what good will that do, and it’s a lie.

I would just tell the truth and say you won’t be lending it out, what people don’t seem to realise is that a caravan is very much your own personal space, also it’s cost of a good chunk of your hard earned cash and you want to enjoy it. I imagine your relatives think that can have a cheap holiday at your expense, it’s actually very cheeky.

I do hope you can quickly make the situation plain without any upset.

I speak as a caravan owner, it really is our little haven away from the world, I’m sure you’ll soon feel the same.

No way. We own a caravan and there is so much of a learning curve about balancing, towing weight, reversing, towing in windy conditions (we had a scary near miss on the motorway with a lorry almost jackknifing us) - plus the actual caravan being fairly fragile and the general wear and tear of it - they need careful looking after. Just smile breezily and say no, this is for us so we can pop off any weekend we like, and the insurance is complicated.

I would say:
We have not even used it yet!! The whole idea is that it is going to be available for us to use at a drop of a hat and to go off on a whim whenever we fancy - not having to plan ahead etc so at the moment we have decided to wait and see how we decide to use it before we make any plans to share it.

Have they responded to your DH's message yet? CF's.

"Have you checked that your car can tow the weight?"
That should close the subject down

Not necessarily; they'd probably ask to borrow the car too

With kids involved, the other thing here is that there can easily be emotional manipulation too, as in "We can't afford a holiday for them and they were SO looking forward to a caravan trip"
Just something to be prepared for ...

Well, if they really want to, I'm sure they can rent one. There's always one person who wants to get some free stuff while someone worked and saved for it.

Don't pussy foot around making excuses because that's just a way in.

Just say "no, you can't borrow it".

Done.

@MrsClatterbuck I have a full automatic licence I got in 2010 and can tow a caravan

They changed the law again sometime late 2021, to allow people with full licenses taken after 1997 can now tow without a special test.

www.gov.uk/guidance/new-rules-for-towing-a-trailer-or-caravan-with-a-car-from-autumn-2021

Don't say "We're looking forward to keeping it just for us" as that implies you're getting some kind of kick out of saying no

A static caravan or holiday home is completely different to a towing caravan.

This!

We have had this with other holiday homes, I think once the newness has gone you might feel a little more happy to let others use it but I would prob say yes, esp if they are struggling financially. Limit it though to one weekend or week in the summer.

Say this now before it gets out of hand.

This is it.

You commit to loaning it and sure as god the weather will be fab and your ability to up and go is gone.

A friend of mine has a tiny little caravan that she has ready to head off at any time as they are retired.

She had absolutely no difficulty in saying to everyone who mentioned borrowing it, "not a chance" and suggested they rent one if they want to "try one out".

People can be both entitled and unthinking when they ask.

Best to be unequivocally firm and send that text about it being your toy.

My friend knew if she loaned it to one person, she'd be plagued when the word got out just what fun it is.

If you don't want to lend it out I would simply say:

We won't be lending out our caravan, as it is brand new and we have saved up so long to buy it and intend to use it all of the time, but we would love to see you for a family camping weekend, if you can bring a tent along maybe over the summer and join us?

I do like the inclusion of “I thought you were kidding” though