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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can she be left like this? Take her back to A&E?

703 replies

Fearsheisdying · 23/01/2023 17:51

Posting for traffic has honestly I'm terrified something is seriously wrong with my Mum and don't know what to do so please be nice.

Last week she started with some pain that she says feels like it's right at the very bottom of her ribs and radiating round the sides. She was in agony, basically screaming with pain so I took her to A&E on the advice of 111. All obs and ECG were normal but the blood tests were abnormal. They were going to do a CT scan but then decided as her obs were ok and they didn't think there was a bleed as no fall/injury, they were not going to do a CT scan there but would refer it to the GP to arrange BUT because of the blood test results and recent weightloss, they wanted it done urgently under the "2 week rule" and from his grave tone, I highly suspect he thinks it's cancer and serious. They couldn't/wouldn't give her anymore painkillers because of the painkillers she's on for severe arthritis but these are not touching the pain.

Fast forward to today, she has been in absolute agony since Thursday and seems worse today and can barely move. She's exhausted and crying/screaming in pain. My sister called 999 today but they said as not life threatening they won't send an ambulance but had to speak to GP within an hour. GP receptionist tried to say no appointments so we couldn't speak to GP but after I explained the issue (and she could hear my Mum crying out in pain) she finally agreed to pass a message to the GP so currently waiting to see if GP will call back today or not. Mum says if I take her back to A&E we'll be sat for hours again and nothing will be done but I can't just sit here and watch her in so much pain and do nothing.

What do I do?! Do I make her let me take her to A&E? Do we wait to see if the GP will call? Just feel so helpless

OP posts:
Bunnyfuller · 08/02/2023 18:16

Best wishes to your lovely mum and you OP. 💐💐🥰

321user123 · 08/02/2023 18:26

As many said, many of us are keeping for your updates as we keep thinking of your mum, you and your whole family OP.

I wish you all the best and a swift recovery for mum. 💐💐💐

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 10/02/2023 22:47

Still no news 😞was told last yesterday she would be having the colonoscopy today. Today comes and apparently she's not having it today after all and should never have been told she was (complaint is going in). Now it's the weekend and we all know not much happens with these things on a weekend. 3 weeks since this all started. 16 days in hospital and still no clearer as to whether she has a benign or malignant growth in her bowel. No answers as to what the "shadows" on the CT are. She's upset and fed up and has cried to me today, she just wants to go home

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 10/02/2023 22:54

So they have been plying her with laxatives and still arent going to do the colonoscapy This has been going on since the 23rd Jan Its now the 10th Feb.

It will be bloody exhausting keep shitting wiping your arse and washing your hands ad infinitum Not to mention sore What are they playing at.

CrunchyCarrot · 10/02/2023 22:57

It blows my mind how long you and your mum have had to endure this situation, and why something more can't be done.

Englishash · 10/02/2023 23:02

Time to get firm. Contact the hospital PALS first thing. Ask to speak with the ward manager. Stand firm and do not take no for an answer. This is your mum and this treatment ( or lack of) is inhumane. You are her advocate -enlist the family fur support if you need to -but just face the hospital down. You've got this. You can do it. Let us know how you get on.

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 10/02/2023 23:02

JenniferBooth · 10/02/2023 22:54

So they have been plying her with laxatives and still arent going to do the colonoscapy This has been going on since the 23rd Jan Its now the 10th Feb.

It will be bloody exhausting keep shitting wiping your arse and washing your hands ad infinitum Not to mention sore What are they playing at.

Yep! And to make it worse, the CT scan earlier in the week showed there was still some blockage/more to come out, so they changed her to a stonger laxitive!! My poor Mum is wearing those big incontinent pad things because she's scared in case she has an accident (which she did on Thursday and was mortified) my heart absolutely breaks for her. They don't seem bothered, just keep saying "we need to get it out" and my biggest concern is - if it is cancer, then this is delaying any potential treatment. If we put in a complain, are they likely to carry out a colonoscopy over the weekend? Who is best to complain to? PALS? The consultant?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 10/02/2023 23:06

Englishash · 10/02/2023 23:02

Time to get firm. Contact the hospital PALS first thing. Ask to speak with the ward manager. Stand firm and do not take no for an answer. This is your mum and this treatment ( or lack of) is inhumane. You are her advocate -enlist the family fur support if you need to -but just face the hospital down. You've got this. You can do it. Let us know how you get on.

Cross posted, thank you. Will get on this first thing tomorrow.

@CrunchyCarrot it's abolutely disgusting. You wouldn't be able to leave an animal like this without facing abuse charges.

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 10/02/2023 23:09

And anyone else who was choosing to take laxatives in this way would be diagnosed as having an eating disorder. OK for the NHS to do it though

i would be past caring by now if it were me and shitting the bed deliberately

JenniferBooth · 10/02/2023 23:10

And yet they moan about patient flow Or bed blocking as they like to call it

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 10/02/2023 23:16

@JenniferBooth exactly! She seems to have lost more weight, more than likely because she has no appetite due to the fact she needs the toilet all the time. I am of course no medical expert but I don't get the seemingly relaxed approach when they have highlighted that cancer is a real possibility. Not to mention the indignity of it all for her!

OP posts:
321user123 · 10/02/2023 23:17

Englishash · 10/02/2023 23:02

Time to get firm. Contact the hospital PALS first thing. Ask to speak with the ward manager. Stand firm and do not take no for an answer. This is your mum and this treatment ( or lack of) is inhumane. You are her advocate -enlist the family fur support if you need to -but just face the hospital down. You've got this. You can do it. Let us know how you get on.

THIS THIS THIS OP.

I agree with others on this thread it is absolutely inhumane stuffing her with painkillers and laxative for as long as they have and infinitely until they decide to get off their backsides and take action.

but also… what if this blockage is not… poop but an actual cancerous growth and if it is, what consequences delay treatment may mean to mum???

complain to Pals Stat.
if you think that you’re not great at writing use ChatGPT to write it for you just give it directions ( I.e. write formal complain to pals, say you are outraged, mention the daly from date x to x etc)
it will write quite a fine thing and you just edit as needed.

Theluggage15 · 10/02/2023 23:18

But if there is something else causing the blockage, no amount of laxatives will help, how long would they carry on with this?! So sorry your mum is having such appalling treatment. Do make a complaint.

Untitledsquatboulder · 10/02/2023 23:21

They cannot do a colonoscopy until the bowel is empty, they won't be able to see anything. The only thing to do is to clear it out. There's no dignity in it but there's no alternative either. Shitting yourself is horrible but entirely routine when it comes to bowel prep - lit everyone does it. Flowers

whatausername · 10/02/2023 23:22

So what is the doctors plan then? They are the ones who decide treatment and direct the medication etc. So if they've changed their mind then what now? Or if it was a mistake what was the plan meant to be? Get the nurses on side if you can, they can advocate and kick up a fuss in ward rounds and meetings too. The whole situation is appalling.

JenniferBooth · 10/02/2023 23:23

@Untitledsquatboulder For SIXTEEN days????!!!!!

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 10/02/2023 23:24

@321user123 thank you, I am normally very good at writing letters (we have a SEN child who we seem to have to fight for everything for) but will look at that, as I worry I maybe too emotional where I need to be firm and factual.

@Theluggage15 My biggest fear is that it is indeed a cancerous growth and is delaying vital treatment.

OP posts:
Sugarfree23 · 10/02/2023 23:24

@Untitledsquatboulder what if the blockage is cancer?
They can't just keep giving the poor woman laxatives.

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 10/02/2023 23:28

Untitledsquatboulder · 10/02/2023 23:21

They cannot do a colonoscopy until the bowel is empty, they won't be able to see anything. The only thing to do is to clear it out. There's no dignity in it but there's no alternative either. Shitting yourself is horrible but entirely routine when it comes to bowel prep - lit everyone does it. Flowers

I appreciate that but they've been giving her laxitives since she was admitted 16 days ago! It is literally running out of her

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 10/02/2023 23:32

It is literally running out of her

Shame its not running onto the desk of the manager who has made this decision

LulooLemon · 10/02/2023 23:34

Your poor mum. 😢

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 10/02/2023 23:35

JenniferBooth · 10/02/2023 23:32

It is literally running out of her

Shame its not running onto the desk of the manager who has made this decision

😂 not a laughing matter but that made me chuckle, thanks @JenniferBooth x

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 10/02/2023 23:37

@Fearsheisdying its absolutely disgusting the way she is being treated She must have terrible stomach ache and uncomfortable wind.

SleepyRich · 10/02/2023 23:43

If she's well enough try and encourage as much exercise as possible, walk to a day room or spend some time outside, this can be really important to keep muscle strength, improve gut motility and wonders for mental health.

Ultimately spending a longer period of time in hospital leads to rapid deconditioning and frailty, it's very hard to recover from which will be one of the reasons they tried to see if she could manage at home initially.

Ultimately things are probably not being rushed because she's still being treated as 'urgent' not emergency, and in a medical sense it sounds like she's not an emergency at the moment. She's just being managed in hospital waiting for these tests as not coping at home as opposed to them thinking she's in an immediately life threatening state. Another reason can sometimes be that there's no expectation the scan will change the plan, it's just for diagnosis only and there's little expectation that it'll lead to surgery or treatment and that regardless of what the results show her symptoms will settle in time and will get to a point that she will feel well enough to return home.

Obviously it may just be they want to be sure they'll be able to view the full bowel so waiting till they're sure that'll be possible. Depending on your hospital colonoscopies might normally be part of an outpatients dept so may only occur in the week and it's trying to get someone to make the time to come across to do it for your mother which might be taking a bit longer to organise. There are often odd rules about who's allowed to do what procedure, but if the CT is suggesting they'll just be running into the same problem again, but also improving on previous scans, it makes sense to give it a chance to clear.

Obviously this is just conjecture as there're many causes for these symptoms, hosptials are run in different ways and can be affected by which specialities they have.

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 10/02/2023 23:55

@SleepyRich that's a good point actually - they didn't clarify if there was an improvement between scans so need to check that. She is supposed to be under the 2 week cancer pathway as there is a "mass/lump" that combined with abnormal bloods and weightloss needs an urgent assessment. I don't understand why she wasn't put on stronger laxitives when they couldn't complete the first colonoscopy as she's already been on laxitives for over a week by then!

OP posts: