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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can she be left like this? Take her back to A&E?

703 replies

Fearsheisdying · 23/01/2023 17:51

Posting for traffic has honestly I'm terrified something is seriously wrong with my Mum and don't know what to do so please be nice.

Last week she started with some pain that she says feels like it's right at the very bottom of her ribs and radiating round the sides. She was in agony, basically screaming with pain so I took her to A&E on the advice of 111. All obs and ECG were normal but the blood tests were abnormal. They were going to do a CT scan but then decided as her obs were ok and they didn't think there was a bleed as no fall/injury, they were not going to do a CT scan there but would refer it to the GP to arrange BUT because of the blood test results and recent weightloss, they wanted it done urgently under the "2 week rule" and from his grave tone, I highly suspect he thinks it's cancer and serious. They couldn't/wouldn't give her anymore painkillers because of the painkillers she's on for severe arthritis but these are not touching the pain.

Fast forward to today, she has been in absolute agony since Thursday and seems worse today and can barely move. She's exhausted and crying/screaming in pain. My sister called 999 today but they said as not life threatening they won't send an ambulance but had to speak to GP within an hour. GP receptionist tried to say no appointments so we couldn't speak to GP but after I explained the issue (and she could hear my Mum crying out in pain) she finally agreed to pass a message to the GP so currently waiting to see if GP will call back today or not. Mum says if I take her back to A&E we'll be sat for hours again and nothing will be done but I can't just sit here and watch her in so much pain and do nothing.

What do I do?! Do I make her let me take her to A&E? Do we wait to see if the GP will call? Just feel so helpless

OP posts:
MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 28/01/2023 12:54

How are you all doing @Fearsheisdying ? Thinking of you all and hope your mum is finally being sorted out x

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 28/01/2023 13:24

@MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot thank you for asking. She is still in hospital and really quite poorly. They've brought the colonoscopy forward to tomorrow as they've had several Dr's review her CT and "something" is showing so cancer is still a high possibility. She's had a couple of blood transfusions due to how aneimic she is and is on oxygen now as her sats are not staying stable. That said, when the pain is at bay, she is "ok" and in fair spirit. I can rest a little easier at night though, knowing she is in the best place if things get worse x

OP posts:
Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 28/01/2023 13:25

Thank you to everyone who has asked about her and for keeping us in your thoughts 💐

OP posts:
Yb23487643 · 28/01/2023 13:42

Your mum sounds quite poorly if needing oxygen & repeated transfusion, but is in the right place. I hope you’re able to visit lots.
If not well enough for colonoscopy with observations being unstable they can potentially do CT colonogram instead.
I do feel for you & her x

catherinewales · 28/01/2023 13:48

You and your mum are in my thoughts. The hardest part is waiting for the results, hope you get them quickly xx

JuneOsborne · 28/01/2023 17:46

Another one rooting for you and your mum.

Anycrispsleft · 28/01/2023 18:06

I´m also keeping my fingers crossed for your mum, I really hope you get some good news from the colonoscopy. I´ve been following your thread all week.

IncessantNameChanger · 28/01/2023 18:21

Your poor mum. You must be mentally exhausted. Try to take care of yourself in all of this.

LookItsMeAgain · 28/01/2023 18:50

@Fearsheisdying - I've been following your thread from the start. I think you need to look after yourself first and foremost as your mum will need you.

I'd also, at some point, consider having a chat with someone who can help you because I think there was negligence on the part of the GP and the first doctor who saw your mother and sent her away with pain relief when it now becomes clearer that it was far more serious and that admission to the ward should have happened sooner than it did. That isn't the most important thing at the moment but please do think about it in due course.

I hope your mum gets a proper diagnosis and that they are able to help relieve her pain.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 28/01/2023 18:50

Sending you hopes for answers, whatever it is. Once you have them, you can plan. For now, try to remember to eat and rest as much as is possible 💐

OhwhyOY · 28/01/2023 20:46

Really sorry all this has been such an ordeal and I do hope you get some good (or rather, not bad) news. It shows you should trust your gut so well done for getting her back into A&E again to get her some proper treatment. There are some pretty sad and shocking stories of poor decisions being made in the NHS at the moment- but with staffing at crisis levels it's not hard to understand why that happens. Though it's heartbreaking all round.

LuluBlakey1 · 28/01/2023 22:24

Thinking of you both 🤞🏻

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 29/01/2023 01:00

I’m glad the colonoscopy has been pulled forward and I hope they are sedating your mum for it, goodness knows she has enough to deal with at this time without further discomfort. That being said I am so sorry that your mum and you and your sister have had to live through this for so many days. I hope it is some sort of benign blockage that they can deal with easily and your mum feels some relief soon. You’ll all be in my thoughts x

rainbowstardrops · 29/01/2023 06:35

Thinking of you both still. I do hope you get some answers after the colonoscopy today Flowers

Forgooodnesssakenow · 29/01/2023 06:41

Fearsheisdying · 23/01/2023 18:24

@SirVixofVixHall I don't think so. I've never had a gallstone but based on a friend who has, I don't believe it's the same place. Mum's pain is more on her sides (both sides) at the bottom of her ribs radiating round to the back? Whereas my friends was more under her breastbone.

@Blort we're in a paramedic strike area, so I suspect that might be why. She lives very near the hospital so actually probably quicker for me to take her. My sis doesn't drive and I was picking my children up from school but sis panicked I think.

@TinyTinyHamsterBalls sorry to hear about your Mum, is she ok? I'm not complaining they didn't send an ambulance, we're in a strike area so understand why they couldn't/wouldn't and am also painfully aware of a&e wait times but last week told us yes to CT and then 90 mins later said no. Plus Mum lives 10/15 mins from the hospital so quicker for me to take her anyway but I wasn't here when my sis called and she doesn't drive so I think she panicked with how much pain Mum was in. My issue is no one helping her with the pain. Why can't they give her something stronger and tell her not to take her normal ones if they ne

She's currently trying to fall asleep as she has not slept properly since Thursday night but she keeps grunting with pain and jumping when she does drop off for 5 minutes

Firstly I'd go back to a and e

Secondly that absolutely sounds like when I had gallstones. A pain starting in my lower ribcagez radiating into my back and up into my right shoulder, so painful I'd be buckled crying and screaming and nothing helped.

Crumpetdisappointment · 29/01/2023 06:51

@Forgooodnesssakenow considering that was 23rd January and today is 29th, the Thread has moved on,

Crumpetdisappointment · 29/01/2023 06:52

look after yourself @Fearsheisdying

VioletPickles · 29/01/2023 06:55

Thinking of you both op.

Princesspollyyy · 29/01/2023 08:57

@Forgooodnesssakenow

Omg will you do the decent thing and read the bloody whole thread!

Yb23487643 · 29/01/2023 10:34

People & GPs have to be clear about safety netting. Most things are benign and clear on their own with time, and the things that are and declare themselves by getting worse.
If the Gp says “I’ve got no concerns about it being concerning at the moment but do come back if it’s not getting better, or go to A&E if it’s much worse” people have to listen and GPs have to very clearly say it to make sure people understand and don’t just hear the first bit. If you look on your records on the NHS app that safety netting advice will be there & is appropriate.
It wouldn’t be right to treat everything as life threatening as lots of issues can present similarly in the early stages, that’s what safety netting is for but only if clearly understood and communicated.

Princesspollyyy · 29/01/2023 11:19

Yb23487643 · 29/01/2023 10:34

People & GPs have to be clear about safety netting. Most things are benign and clear on their own with time, and the things that are and declare themselves by getting worse.
If the Gp says “I’ve got no concerns about it being concerning at the moment but do come back if it’s not getting better, or go to A&E if it’s much worse” people have to listen and GPs have to very clearly say it to make sure people understand and don’t just hear the first bit. If you look on your records on the NHS app that safety netting advice will be there & is appropriate.
It wouldn’t be right to treat everything as life threatening as lots of issues can present similarly in the early stages, that’s what safety netting is for but only if clearly understood and communicated.

Eh???? What part are you replying to?? Maybe read the whole thread?

sevenbyseven · 29/01/2023 11:54

Yb23487643 · 29/01/2023 10:34

People & GPs have to be clear about safety netting. Most things are benign and clear on their own with time, and the things that are and declare themselves by getting worse.
If the Gp says “I’ve got no concerns about it being concerning at the moment but do come back if it’s not getting better, or go to A&E if it’s much worse” people have to listen and GPs have to very clearly say it to make sure people understand and don’t just hear the first bit. If you look on your records on the NHS app that safety netting advice will be there & is appropriate.
It wouldn’t be right to treat everything as life threatening as lots of issues can present similarly in the early stages, that’s what safety netting is for but only if clearly understood and communicated.

That's just not the case here. The OP's mum was sent home with completely unacceptable pain levels.

Problemorno · 29/01/2023 12:34

@Yb23487643 I assume you haven't read the whole thread. Please do that in future to avoid making a fool of yourself.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 29/01/2023 16:55

Came on to wish your mum good luck for tomorrow @Fearsheisdying but see she's been looked at today.

After such a hellish time to get there, they're all "on it" by the sound of it. Sending all my good wishes to you and your family 💐

Original poster
Fearsheisdying · 29/01/2023 17:14

Just back from the hospital. They were unable to do the colonoscopy today as they couldn't get the bowel clear enough, so she's being given some more of the bowel prep stuff tonight with the hope of being able to do it tomorrow. She's utterly exhausted and slept for most of the day (when she's not been on the toilet). Her stomach keeps bloating and today she looked 6 months pregnant! Hopefully tomorrow goes as planned and we can get some answers.

OP posts: