Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

3 year old member of Mensa.

268 replies

Toddlerteaplease · 23/01/2023 17:38

Article in todays Times, (don't know how to link)
AIBU to think this is ridiculous, let him be a toddler, nurture his interests of course. But this is OTT, and asking for trouble. Apparently he wants to go to university and be a doctor. Confused

OP posts:
Legrandetraitor · 23/01/2023 20:45

SirVixofVixHall · 23/01/2023 20:43

There is a lack of understanding of the needs of children like this. I feel that it takes someone similar to understand and to even recognise the difference between a bright child and a child who is such a huge distance from average.
Exceptionally intelligent children have a really tough time at school, they can have difficulties socially, not necessarily to do with neurodiversity, but simply because they are so very different from their peers. They often get bullied rather than celebrated for their abilities, and it is pretty much impossible for an average school to teach a child like this in any really fulfilling way.
It is hard to talk to other parents about any of these issues without sounding as though you are boasting. If your child is very gifted in one specific way, perhaps a musical instrument, or an exceptional sportsperson , then that seems more acceptable to talk about. Overall extremely high intelligence is not. Yet it can be a huge struggle to get appropriate provision and support, children can be lost and unhappy, lonely, highly anxious. For all these reasons it is not a guarantee of adult successes either. There is no sympathy or understanding, which is why being around other children who are similar and having knowledgeable support is vital.
He is a sweet little boy, and I hope that he gets the long term support from Mensa that will help him continue to thrive.

This x 10000000!!!!!

Hawkins001 · 23/01/2023 20:45

Sometimes greatness, is not born from average.

9thFloorNightmare · 23/01/2023 20:46

SlaveToTheVibe · 23/01/2023 18:06

Try having a child who has an insatiable thirst for knowledge. You’d soon see that this “let a child be a child” thing is impossible sometimes.

My son is autistic and could also read at this age. Taking a book off him would have been like taking a phone off a teenager, sometimes you have to run with it when they’re obsessed with learning . He’s incredibly well informed in all areas. He watches PMQs every Wednesday after school and doesn’t bother with kids telly ever.

I’m not boasting, he’s just passionate about learning. Endless questions from
morning to night for me and his dad. It’s intense and sometimes draining.

its not always pushy parents - we’re laid back to the point of laziness in this house - or we would be if given a chance.

I watch PMQs every Wednesday after work 😁and get disorianted when they are in recess 😓but I'm nearly 46😏

Morph22010 · 23/01/2023 20:47

Wookiebowl · 23/01/2023 20:31

Always on threads like this where someone is highlighting a uncommon achievement people seem to suggest autism as if to say see they're not so special this is why they did it, it's very bizarre. It comes across as its intended to negate their achievements. Not everyone who is gifted is autistic, and even if they are why shouldn't their interests and aptitude for learning be encouraged? He goes to nursery and seems to have supportive parents, I'm sure if people in his life feel he shouldn't be assessed he will, not that it's any of our business.

Lots of bitter and narrow minded people on here for a change.

So you are that being autistic is negative and autistic children can’t be special?

LindorDoubleChoc · 23/01/2023 20:50

I loved hearing this story and thought his Mum sounded pretty grounded / down to earth when interviewed.

I'm sure his family will just let him be a toddler, but he obviously has far-reaching interests. Amazing.

smileladiesplease · 23/01/2023 20:54

But why make it public? It's attention seeking for the parents snd totally unfair to him

TheCraicDealer · 23/01/2023 20:56

I saw this earlier and just thought fair play to the wee fella, but if I were his parents I wouldn’t be shouting about it from the rooftops. I wouldn’t want these news articles following him around for the rest of his life and people making assumptions about him. No-one knows what challenges this kid is going to have ahead of him, but publicity like this means that even if he does pretty well academically or professionally a considerable amount of people will look at those stories and think, “oh no, what happened?” just because he wasn’t the next Einstein.

There’s no doubt g&t kids don’t get the support they need, and I totally get why parents might want an organisation like MENSA behind them to help guide them through getting that for him. But like any other issue that can impact on a child’s learning journey, they’re entitled to privacy and should up to them if they want to publicise it beyond the people who actually need to know.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/01/2023 21:01

I don’t understand why the parents have gone to the press with his story (or is it a partnership with Mensa?). I have a child who is a bit of an outlier - she’s five now but was reading by three in both our languages with two different alphabet systems, and is very quick to pick up other languages/codes whether in music or tech script or symbols. She reads and reads and reads - which is lovely but brings all sorts of unexpected difficulties too. I can’t imagine wanting to engage either Mensa or the Times though. To what end?

opencheese · 23/01/2023 21:08

I saw him on the news. The mother didnt seem
Pushy at all although she must have taught him stuff

He was very funny and quirky

Unihorn · 23/01/2023 21:19

If he's the youngest member I imagine the media engagement was probably led and supported by Mensa. The parents seem very down to earth so I didn't get the impression they were pushing for media involvement.

The comments on the social media posts about this are hilarious though, people falling over themselves to say how their children are just as intelligent. Why can so many parents never just celebrate others' achievements.

Legrandetraitor · 23/01/2023 21:23

Unihorn · 23/01/2023 21:19

If he's the youngest member I imagine the media engagement was probably led and supported by Mensa. The parents seem very down to earth so I didn't get the impression they were pushing for media involvement.

The comments on the social media posts about this are hilarious though, people falling over themselves to say how their children are just as intelligent. Why can so many parents never just celebrate others' achievements.

Mine was the youngest when he joined and as I said there was no mention of media etc (and I would have said no to it) so they must have asked!

but I wholeheartedly agree with your second paragraph. There are some v mean comments on here and I dress to think on social media

Unihorn · 23/01/2023 21:31

Legrandetraitor · 23/01/2023 21:23

Mine was the youngest when he joined and as I said there was no mention of media etc (and I would have said no to it) so they must have asked!

but I wholeheartedly agree with your second paragraph. There are some v mean comments on here and I dress to think on social media

Apologies I missed your post, interesting. Perhaps they did just want to share his achievement more publicly then? Not something I would do either, but it really is a shame that people try and get one up on others (especially children!) instead of just being impressed and happy for them.

Legrandetraitor · 23/01/2023 21:34

Unihorn · 23/01/2023 21:31

Apologies I missed your post, interesting. Perhaps they did just want to share his achievement more publicly then? Not something I would do either, but it really is a shame that people try and get one up on others (especially children!) instead of just being impressed and happy for them.

Agree

CatLoaf · 23/01/2023 21:36

JaneJeffer · 23/01/2023 19:42

*affect Grin

I thought it should 'effect' here @JaneJeffer ?! Gahh, I'm no Mensa member

JaneJeffer · 23/01/2023 21:39

No it's definitely affect @CatLoaf but maybe we should double check with a four year old Grin

OneFrenchEgg · 23/01/2023 22:05

I thought the mum came across as extremely disingenuous - it's a fluke he passed / we never intended him to join/ etc and yet there you are, sitting him for the test and joining and telling the papers. I mean if you're doing that, own it.

BritainsGotTalons · 23/01/2023 22:17

Nice judgemental thread you’ve started OP, you’re just concerned for the child though. 🙄

Wookiebowl · 23/01/2023 22:17

Morph22010 · 23/01/2023 20:47

So you are that being autistic is negative and autistic children can’t be special?

Nope, the opposite as you'll see if you care to read my comment properly.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 23/01/2023 22:26

ZombieKettle · 23/01/2023 18:19

His mum was on Radio 4's Today programme this morning. She was down to earth and good humoured about it all. They sound like a lovely family.

Yes, so down to earth that they're publicising their child in the national media.... 🤔

Greyhave · 23/01/2023 22:34

Obviously I’m not a member of Mensa, however I’m just wondering at that age how does he learn to count or read or whatever in different languages? Did he figure out how to load this up on the internet himself with no prompting or did mum and dad provide him with the learning materials?

Imo toddlers should be toddlers….running around outside, having fun, getting messy, playing with other kids. Not sitting at home preparing for a Mensa test.

This will just be the beginning for this poor child especially now the media are involved. Why would any parent want this life for their child? To be pursued by the media ….presumably just to make money for themselves and appear in some channel 4 style documentary about smart kids?! They could have just kept quiet and let him get about pursuing his dream of becoming a doctor…aged three 🙄

ZombieKettle · 23/01/2023 22:35

AreOttersJustWetCats · 23/01/2023 22:26

Yes, so down to earth that they're publicising their child in the national media.... 🤔

Maybe have a listen. It's on BBC Sounds and interview starts at 2:47:30. It's the 23/1/23 episode.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 23/01/2023 22:41

The content of the interview doesn't change the fact that the parents actively sought this publicity. It was a choice they made, and it's not unreasonable for others to question that choice. The child isn't old enough to have consented to it.

bridgetreilly · 23/01/2023 22:43

His mum said he was playing a Thomas the Tank Engine game when she heard him counting in Mandarin. I assumed that he’d worked out how to change the language settings on the game. These days it would be very easy for a child to access all kinds of things in other languages.

ThisGirlNever · 23/01/2023 22:59

DS1 (3 years old) was introduced to Mariocart by some family friends. He stunned the room by shouting 'that one, that one, pick Bell'. He was referring to the band of one of the race tracks and there were no visual clues on the screen, just text. He did a similar thing with some Aldi honey nut cornflakes (but there was a picture of honeycomb on the box, so we weren't sure).

We've never tried to teach him to read, but do read to him most days and always have the subtitles enabled on the TV. He's watched a bit of Alphablocks, but not regularly.

He certainly can't read a book, but appears to have picked up a fair bit.

I guess it just clicks for some kids.

Remaker · 23/01/2023 23:16

My DS taught himself to read - we think - just by working out the connection between what we were saying and the word on the page when we read to him. He wanted everything read to him - instruction manuals, recipes, inserts from CD cases. My Mum would be sat with him reading things like ‘Executive Producer Garry Jones, Mixing by Serena Smith’ for hours on end. We just thought it was hilarious. I don’t know when he actually learned to read exactly, definitely before the age of 4 as this is when he picked up one of DD’s books she’d brought home from school and just read the whole thing aloud and we were gobsmacked. By that stage he could read any word you showed him pretty much.

When he’d just turned 2 I took him to a playgroup run by trainee early childhood teachers. He sat down to do some art and the teacher asked him can you write your name, I assume just seeing if he picked up the pencil the right way round and maybe made a mark on the page. He wrote his name correctly. He’d never done it before, had never been taught by anyone (he was at home with me FT). The teacher was young, she just accepted it, I was a bit taken aback but thought ok he’s picked that up somewhere.

It was school that eventually destroyed his love of learning. He’s not autistic, just a regular kid who happens to be super bright (his IQ was tested at 99.9%). But unfortunately he got some awful teachers early on who just lived to tear down anyone they felt was a tall poppy. Or they ignored him because he could already do what they were teaching and he was quiet and well behaved so he was one less kid to worry about. We switched schools to one with a G&T program and he did get some lovely teachers there but a lot of the damage had been done.

I do feel the parent on the news will live to regret publicising their child. They will find out just how awful parents can be when they are jealous of a child. They’ll be accused of robbing him of a childhood, forcing him to read and count instead of “being a normal child” as if being intelligent is not normal. My DS always did both - loved learning AND playing. Now as a teenager he learns about things he is interested in and tries to ignore the rest. Fortunately for him he absolutely loves sport, so he fits in with his peers and that makes him happy. The IQ is still there and I suspect, much like my DH, that he will thrive more when he’s out of school and can learn about the things he loves. In my family there are several people with very high IQs. Some have lived happy fulfilled lives and others have suffered terribly. Our main focus for DS is for him to be in the first group, not the second.