3 year old member of Mensa.

[Toddlerteaplease]

Article in todays Times, (don't know how to link)
AIBU to think this is ridiculous, let him be a toddler, nurture his interests of course. But this is OTT, and asking for trouble. Apparently he wants to go to university and be a doctor.

What are these downsides? People keep mentioning them but don't seem to be providing many. And yes many are commenting on joining mensa as a whole or claiming reasons why he has been able to join which isn't about the article being written. It's most bizarre..

No judgement at all for the 3 year old. I do think his parents decision to put him in the spotlight was questionable.

And i'm not sure why there's an assumption people are envious. In my experience (and observation) high IQ is as often a burden as a blessing, not least if parents hothouse the child or put them in the spotlight.

You can't think of any downsides to being in the media spotlight? Several have been mentioned:

• The media will see them as public property. If anything notable ever happens in their life in future, it will be linked to this old news story for comparison. The media will delight in pulling them down if they ever fall on hard times.
• Peers at school are likely to be cruel once they're old enough to know. They may have a really difficult time building friendships.
• The child will grow up knowing that the media touted them as a prodigy at a very young age. It's hard for a child not to define themselves by this sort of thing, and can be really damaging if they feel that they don't live up to the expectations.

But more importantly - what are the benefits for the child, exactly? How is it good for them?

People are weird about intellect. If a 3 year old showed exceptional footballing ability, totally loved football and was accepted into Man Utd’s youth training squad or whatever, I don’t think there would be clamours of ‘just let him be a toddler!’ or suggesting he spent more time playing with playdough. Or a 3 year old who could sing and dance exceptionally well, and spent their Saturdays at theatre school, most people would just be impressed.But cleverness and intellectual curiosity aren’t celebrated in the same way. Going to the media is a questionable decision but he sounds amazing.

I would feel the aame about a 3yo who was exceptional at sport. By all means encourage them and give them opportunities to develop their interest and skills, support them in any way necessary.

But don't tout them in the media as a "football prodigy". The same risks are there - early promise doesn't always translate into long term success (because in the long term other factors beyond raw talent make a significant difference), and that is way too much pressure to put on a very young child.

Agreed. I would feel the same about any exceptional ability in a young child. By all means don't suppress their enthusiasm, but equally shining a media spotlight on it would always strike me as exceptionally ill-judged

Yup, agree. It creates such pressure of expectation (because the child will find these articles some day soon, even if the parents don't show him) - all completely unnecessary and potentially damaging.

It's also always going to be there to be found by anyone else who puts his name in a search engine, so some other kid at school is bound to find it too. And kids being kids, that's going to make his life harder.

How do I undermine HIM by saying he obviously has exceptional skills in categorisation and rote learning?
How Is it undermining a toddler to say (with some authority I might add, direct job experience in administering such tests for 25 years) that I don't think that IQ measures in such young children are great, as in they don't very accurately predict academic success through school?

It's a subject I happen to know a lot about. Both personally and professionally.

People keep saying hyperlexia = autism but that isn't always the case! What about perfect pitch? Does that mean autism too? (It doesn't)

I don't think this is specifically an intellect thing. I think anyone who pushes very small children into the publicity limelight before they are old enough to consent, let alone understand what the impact is likely to be on their life is not acting in their child's best interests. They are burnishing their own status credentials at the expense of their child's wellbeing.

Fantastic post. There simply is not the support in place at the other end of the spectrum.

The “media spotlight” will last five minutes. I saw him on the news last night and I can’t even remember his name today, I certain wouldn’t be able to pick him out in a crowd.

Oh I don’t know. A very clever child (with no mental health issues or a disability requiring extra help) will find their way. How on earth did gifted people manage in the Stone Age?

This all reminds me of the episode in Motherland where the mum is raising money for a music room which has - pause for hand on heart - a special meaning to her because her son is “mithraxic”. Oh I’m sorry, says a confused other mum, only to be told that it means he is musically gifted.

I once heard a good differentiation between the bright and the gifted: a bright child aims to achieve targets early. A gifted child aims at targets the rest of us can’t see and have never thought of. Which I don’t think includes “sitting A-levels a couple of years early”. And beyond making sure they have access to good nutrition and freedom to interact with the world around them a non-gifted person’s input is likely to be limited🤷‍♀️

There is one benefit of early testing - a chance for having similar friends.

Yes, learning to live in a real society is important, but it means feeling odd all the time. In my country Mensa (and other organizations) runs activities for such children, so they can feel normal for a day or a week, having friends who are more like them (or at least similarly odd). If one in 200-500 children are like this, it means a huge number of separated lonely ones. Big enough number to form a monthly club at middle sized town or later a residential camp in 2 hours driving area.

The funny thing is, that grouped together, they sometimes become more like normal children and normal teens, finding interest in bog standard games and activities, but with people like them.

My child is NT . (A young adult now).

The evidence doesn’t agree with you - many people with high IQ end up extremely depressed and disengaged. Seems a bit unfair they have to just “find their way” as small children; perpetually under challenged and misunderstood. Why don’t they deserve appropriate support?

And this view, that they should be able to crack on and thrive anywhere, is exactly why there's no support and it's hard to even ask for any.

It may be true of your teacher-pleasing "averagely bright child", but most outliers who are left to shift for themselves in the school system, are going to struggle in one way or another.

Lack of appropriate support actually leads to many of the mental health issues - for which there are still no resources until the child's in crisis, because CAMHS is stretched to breaking point.

And if there's a disability requiring support in itself, good luck with actually getting any support for that, when you're probably compensating enough through your strengths to muddle along meeting the age related expectations, in a system that's geared to helping those who fall behind.

An ounce of prevention, through appropriate support and adaptation, would be so much better, but then we're that ghastly parent from Motherland if we ask for it.

I did exclude children with mental health problems and disabilities from the crack-on approach.

@Thereisnolight but why leave them under-challenged and unsupported until they became depressed or anxious, and disengaged, or acting out behaviourally, or unable to handle failure, and then treat those mental health symptoms? Why not act to prevent those MH issues in the first place?

Particularly if you're willing for those children with high IQs plus an SpLD or other disability to still receive support. Not sure if you're aware but right now, they tend not to get support, because they often still manage to at least meet Age Related Expectations, so they're not a priority. Also not sure if you're aware but proper support for DME children requires supporting their difficulties through their strengths ie the whole child, so it should entail appropriate support for the learning needs that come with the high IQ side of things, not just support for the disability.

These don't have to be costly interventions. Understanding, awareness and empathy go a long way, with a bit flexibility in the curriculum to do some self-directed learning rather than just jump through hoops. It needn't cost a fortune.

Completely agree with this.

Same. This thread has just pissed me off tbh and I don’t know why I came on it when I KNOW from my day to day life how little is understood by people about this stuff

See I agree with all of this, but still am unpersuaded by the idea of mensa testing a toddler and certainly still think it was very ill judged of the parents to agree to a media story about it.

Indeed. I agree with all of that.