Now I aint saying she's a golddigger...

[FeelingGoodAsHelll]

Hello all

My title is exactly how I am being made to feel right now.

Me and my husband are currently separating - we aren't legally separated just yet - we need to agree on minute of agreement which will be issued hopefully soon - his solicitor is drawing them up.

We bought out house 2 years before getting married. My STBXH paid the deposit (around 25k). I had just finished uni at that point and was in a trainee role.. so my salary was peanuts for a while. His parents gifted £5k to US (no paperwork, nothing) a few years back and paid towards some of our wedding too. Again, it was to US, no paperwork.

My STBXH, as he earns x4 my salary, decided to overpay the mortgage every month, as he could afford to, and wanted to reduce our mortgage quickly etc. I didnt overpay as I had a lower salary and couldnt afford to. The mortgage / bill split was probably 70/30 (me paying 30, I didnt decide this split, he put everyhthing into a spreadsheet which worked out what we should both pay, his idea).

We verbally made an agreement that I could keep something (I wont say what as it will be very outing) if I dont touch his pension & savings account. He also wanted me to give back his deposit, which I intially agreed but house prices are high so I said no that I wanted the house split 50/50 as per title deeds. He agreed. He then came over a few days ago and told me that he wanted me to agree to not touch anything in his personal bank account (I said I wouldnt, why would I?!). He then said that he wanted x, y, z item from the house added to this "list". I started to get annoyed as this list is getting bigger and bigger and all I wanted was one thing.

Anyway, he said he would buy me out, and pay me half the house, he told me the figure he could afford. Home report came back below this figure (by quite a bit). He now tells me he can't afford it, despite telling me the bank has agreed to lend him the money. He then asked if I would decrease my share. I asked by how much. He then said he wanted all overpayments, his deposit, and all monetary gifts his mum and dad deducted from my share. I told him that we should just sell the house if he can't afford to buy me out, he is reluctant to do this.

I Told him he was taking the piss and that he wont be happy until I walk away with nothing. He profoundly apologised, said he would move money around to get the funds (So he can afford it). I then picked a solicitor who told me that my verbal agreement was rubbish and that she wanted to see all bank accounts, savings, pensions to see what I am legally entitled to. I disagreed but she was quite adamant. I gave my STBXH the heads up about this to which he said, "if you or your solicitor ask any questions, or try and take my pension or savings, the fighting gloves will come on and mud will be thrown... youll walk away with a lot less than 50%, you'll regret it".

In the meantime, he keeps telling me to put offers on properties so I can move out asap but I can't as I don't know what my deposit will be. He keeps telling me to get a mortgage in principle, which I have but they are really low as I am putting down the worst case scenario, i.e. if I do end up with nothing. He told me that he won't give me my share of the money until I give my keys back to him (if he buys me out). I offered to move into my dads, so I can get this money and move on, but asked if I could keep bigger furniture in our house (my dads house is tiny) until I move in my own house, he said no, once I move out, I cant come back. I feel like he is pressuring me. My solicitor said he is bullying me and I should call bluff on the thing he has promised that I can have if I dont touch x, y, z.

I only want 50/50 split on house and the promised thing. However, I feel he is being unfair and pressuring me.

AIBU??

This split was mutal!!

Let your solicitors sort out what's fair, which isn't necessarily equal, but reflects both your input over the marriage. Money isn't the only contribution that counts.

The dog can only stay with his parents if the dog where to go stay elsewhere.

My dad has a dog and our dogs dont get on.

My other close family members have cats.

I don't agree that OP is entitled to 50%, she may be awarded less than or more than that...

Yes, he is. But his parents gifted the money to their son, not to both of them. It should be taken off the house value.

Just to be clear, solicitors aren’t there to work out what’s fair. “Fair” plays no part in it.

@thirdtimeluckyorwhat 50/50 is the legal minimum starting point so not generous

That's not true @StepAwayFromGoogling. You get to make that choice when you purchase a house. You can choose to go 50/50 or split the house proportionally. He chose to go 50/50 so he can't change that now. He knew then he would be the higher contributor.

OP doesn't want his pension. She doesn't feel entitled to it. Because she is NOT a gold-digger.

He doesn't know that though which is why I advised her to threaten she'll go for the lot unless he awards her the dog.

Take your solicitors advice and have full discovery. Anything that was bought in joint names should be 50/50. Any monies accrued during the marriage should be 50/50. Doesn’t matter he earned more.

Sounds like he has a lot of savings and pension which are your leverage here - use it. If he wants to play hard ball, let him. He has more to lose than you do, and that if your bargaining power. Do not agree to any of his bs.

This is disgusting.

So he did all the import work of actually training the dog and you just played with it and you found a way to word that so he's a bad dog owner?

OP only wants 50% of the house. If she was only entitled to 30% of all assets, with his cash and pension that may actual equate to more than 50% of the house. What she wants is fair.

However none of this is a moral decision - it’s a legal one.

Stop any discussion about money and assets with your ex, OP, and tell him your solicitors is dealing with it. That’s it. No more discussions about the dog, either. He is trying to bully you to settle on his terms and using the dog as a manipulation chip. Just ignore and let the professionals be the ones to sort it.

If it were a short marriage, say under 5 years, then you are not going to get 50:50 no matter what the deeds say. In short marriages, assets are divided up broadly in line with your respective contributions.

Your time living together pre marriage would be considered but you have only had the house for seven years so maybe just that much rather than the full 15 years.

It was gifted to us both. They sat us both down and said "we would like to give you both £xx)./ We want you to put it to your mortgage". They then done the same for their other child and their gf.

Huh?I just meant, he would train the dog every couple of evenings, then leave us both be while he sat up stairs all night. I also train my dog, I take him to training classes and also train him in the evenings too. I dont do this every night because he is a bloody dog and should be cuddled and played with. He wasnt bought to be a guard dog.

Not by me it wouldn’t.
If both parties contribute what they can, neither party should lose more than half of their HOME if there is a split.
There are often lots of other factors at play when one or other party takes the absolute piss and makes a mockery of the process. I don’t feel that’s what’s happening here.

Don’t be so ridiculous. They gave the money to their son and nobody is going to ever see it otherwise.

If you don't have children then why can't you be fair to him? Let him have his money that his parents gifted, all bus overpayments etc.
You take what you paid in. This is fair, forget what the law says. Especially when there are no children involved.

It doesn't matter who the parents gave the money to. It was a gift and he chose how to put it into the house. It's too late to ring fence it now.

Courts are increasingly wise to this kind of thing. I wouldn’t be so sure OP will get more if she plays hard ball here. I’ve seen a few situations where it’s gone very badly for someone who thinks that they’re entitled to more than they contributed. The division of assets is supposed to reflect what was put in by the parties and take into account non-financial contribution too. It sounds like he put in the finances and the work so I can’t see her actually getting much at all if a court actually digs into it at all

But the parents genuinely gave us both the gift. We were both present, it was out christmas present! if it was just for their son, why didnt they give it to their son? Why didnt they have something drawn up. My parents have give us money over the years, should I demand that back too?

I agree - they wouldn't have given you the money if you hadn't been with their son.

Playing with a dog IS training it.

Games-based training is becoming better recognised now.

Whereas ... many 'training classes' still use outdated or unproductive methods.

I haven't seen OP make her Ex out to be a bad dog-owner.
But he chose to walk away from the dog, & is threatening to use him as a bargaining chip. So OP can do that right back at him without compunction.

Full financial disclosure is required before any negotiation. That is all your solicitor is asking for. How can you agree not to touch his pension for instance, if you don't know how big that pot is? Don't acquiese to his demands; he is not going to be reasonable and like you he is seeking advice from others that all have a different opinion. If you are paying for a solicitor I would heed their advice